Confession: i suffer from binge eating disorder.
Alright. This is really not an easy post but i want to be honest with myself and others.
For those who don‘t know what BED is: „Binge eating disorder (BED) is a severe, life-threatening, and treatable eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards; and not regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures (e.g., purging) to counter the binge eating.“ (quote from nationaleatingdisorders.org)
Not having to focus on a specific goal (which was the case on prep) lead to a complete loss of control concerning my diet and my relation to food. Throughout the last two weeks i have struggled with several binges (almost every day), meaning the consumption of 3000-10000 calories (not only „cheats“, sweets etc. but also oats, bread etc.) in an extremely short period of time (mostly 3-4 hours).
At first, i didn‘t want to admit i was suffering from BED but thinking of other situations in the past (back to 4 years ago when i think it all started) i finally had to admit to myself that what i’m going through is not normal. -
I feel disgusted thinking of my disability to stop binging and it is part of my decision to share my thoughts with you on instagram now. If i want to stay healthy, this will have to stop and today is what i call my first day of recovery because i will no longer binge 🙅🏼♀️ i won‘t tolerate any „everybody‘s human“ or „only today“ anymore to justify my disorder.
My goal is to get back to a normal calorie intake without feeling guilty anymore, appreciating the food i eat and the meals i cook by myself.
This is not going to be easy but a strong mind is capable of so much more than you think. With God‘s help, discipline & patience i will find my way out.
Positive thoughts are welcome 🙌🏼
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