mauimammadukes mauimammadukes

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Shauna Dukes  Our youngest of four, Baby Trucker, is in heaven. Our hearts are heavy but we have peace. #truckerrideswithus

People keep asking how we are doing..Honestly? Some moments and days even we feel okay, and some we dont know how we are going to get through. We are forever missing one!!💔❤💔 A good friend told me recently that grief is sticky, like our feet are stuck to ground and it pulls us down, but with the hope we have of something so much better than just whats here its like we also wings!! YES!! Sticky feet and wings at the same time perfectly sums it up!!!❤❤❤ one thing for sure though is how much Trucker boy and our family are loved!! And somehow it makes the sadness of him not being here a little better!! #LOVEbeatscancer #onedayatatime #forever3 #missingmybaby #choosingjoyevenwhenitshard #TruckerRidesWithUs

Happiest place on earth yesterday #disneyland with holes in our hearts!!💔❤💔 we did manage to create some good new memories in between the tears. Grief is so messy and complicated. I have never been so excited, crushed, happy, sad and grateful, all at the same time!! Thank you @meilicoon for your words that I came across again today!!! Its exactly how it is!! And thank you thank you thank you to our sweet friends at home who visited and decorated trucker boys gravesite!!! Love you so so big!!❤😊❤ #onedayatatime #inlightofeternity #griefismessy #choosingjoyevenwhenitshard

Forever 3 my beautiful boy!!💔❤💔 I will honor you today and celebrate your short but fantastic life!! I miss you and love you all the way to heaven and back!!! 💫✨💫Whenever the pain is unbearable i picture where you are now where there is no more pain or tears or pokes or poison or scars and it makes it small kine easier!! #forever3 #onedayatatime #heavenisnotsofaraway #inlightofeternity #choosingjoyevenwhenitshard #LOVEbeatscancer

Northern California you have a piece of my heart!! ❤Incredible beauty and amazing hospitality!! We have only been on road one week and have already been blessed in so many ways and been able to bless too!! #randomactsofkindness And in between lots of tears and hugs we also already have some great memories!! #sharedachinghearts #onedayatatime #bittersweetmoments #missingmyboy #griefisajourney #LOVEbeatscancer #inlightofeternity I know Trucker boy is with us on this journey and sometimes when i close my eyes i can almost feel his little hands around my neck.. How i long for that day!! #heavenisnotsofaraway #choosingjoyevenwhenitshard #trustingGodsplan @trucker_boy_dukes

One month today since youve physically been gone from this earth. My heart aches for your soft sweet kisses and your little hands wrapped around neck where you felt safest.💔❤💔but i see the little signs that you are still with us everywhere. From the white daisies at the park(the last time we drove to hookipa trucker asked joshua to stop so he could pick mommy a white flower), the kanoa sticker we randomly saw on a pole in a little park in the middle of san fran, to me having a meltdown in the hotel lobby and as indi was giving me a hug a firetruck drove by!! There are signs everywhere if we choose to see them!! #inlightofeternity The spiritual component in this life is what is eternal, all our physical lives are brief moments in time!! Lets make it count guys!!! #randomactsofkindness #keeptrustingGod #dontstopbelieving #onedayatatime #LOVEbeatscancer #bittersweetmoments #truckerrideswithus

Life is a series of moments..some happy, Some sad, some tragic, some magical, some lonely, some easy, and some hard. If we have the right perspective in the bigger picture of life then we can pull ourselves back to the happier moments when dark times come.. im so so grateful for these three and all the sweet pure love they give me!! ❤❤❤We already have had so many great moments and some sad ones!! But i will continue to choose joy even in my heartache!! Peace out San Fran!! ✌🏼sooo ready to get back to some country after a weekend in the city!! #sharedachinghearts #nopainlikethispain #onedayatatime #bittersweetmoments #missingmybaby #truckerrideswithus @trucker_boy_dukes

A hui hou maui!! So many mixed emotions as we head out on our new adventure!! #mauinokaoi #theresnoplacelikehome Everything is prefaced with bittersweetness!!! Yes im excited for whats to come but also so so sad cause we would not be able to do this trip if it wasnt for the intense pain, heartache, and loss we are feeling!!💔💔💔 Everything reminds me of Trucker and how much I miss him!!! I am comforted by all the memories we have of him and i hope for a time when the pain of him not being with us is not as intense!! #dontknowifthatspossible
#myheartwillneverbethesame #onedayatatime #choosingjoyevenwhenitshard #inlightofeternity
How blessed am i to have this handsome man by my side?!?!❤❤❤ thank you @mauimarcc for your amazing photos!!! @trucker_boy_dukes #sharedachinghearts

RIP Reefbear!!! You literally were the best dog I could have ever imagined!! I miss you so much already but take comfort in imagining you and Trucker together!! I dont know how heaven works but if possible take care of our baby until we are all together again!!💔❤💔 @trucker_boy_dukes @puppy_transit Thank you for this image that I will cherish forever!!! #onedayatatime #bestdogever #sharedachinghearts #missingthesetwolikecrazy #truckerrideswithus

Oh my heart!! 💔💔💔 miss this larger than life little guy so so much it hurts!! #onedayatatime #nopainlikethispain #sharedachinghearts #missingmybaby @trucker_boy_dukes

We have been so incredibly blessed on this most gut wrenching painful journey and so part of our healing is going to be a #truckerrideswithus tour of North America in an RV!! We pick up our home on wheels in San Fransisco on April 1st and have a loose idea of where we will head!! As a way to turn our grief into something positive we will randomly bless strangers all along the way!! #truckerslegacyoflove❤ Our idea is to put some space between now and our new normal and pour so much love and memories into our other babies who have also suffered and given much!! Im still trying to wrap my mind around the longevity of a 2 and half year battle and how much my other babies have grown.. when trucker got was diagnosed Jedi was 5, mac was 6, and indi was 8.. they are now 8,9, and 11!!! How fast they had to grow up without a choice and so much without mom!!! now that trucker boy is gone they seem so little again!!💔#weallgotcancer #anotherlayerofgrief
A super most amazing generous team trucker family that we have never met on the mainland blessed us so richly by taking care of our RV!!! AMAZING right?!?! I literally wept at this!! Oh how i long to give back every blessing to just have my our baby in our arms!!! #sharedachinghearts ❤💔❤💔❤💔and in the next breath how much i have to be so grateful for!! #bittersweetmoments #onedayatatime #choosingjoyevenwhenitshard Thank you everyone for your love!! It really means the world to us!! #dontstopbelieving #missingmyboy #LOVEbeatscancer

Navigating this intense grief.. where do i start?!?! Everyone always says your so strong but the truth is I'm not.. i have strong moments but i actually feel like I'm walking around with a huge gapping hole in my heart!!💔💔💔 and as the permanency of all this sets in,i also realize i will probably feel like this for the rest of my life!!! #thereisapartofusmissing #imisshimsomuchmyhearthurts
i have so many not strong moments and pretty much anything can make me cry at anytime, anyplace.. ive never known sorrow like this!! #sharedachinghearts
A very good friend who also lost her baby to Neuroblastoma said something profound to me.. she said "we love our babies so much that we would do anything for them..even take their pain and thats kinda what we do when they pass.. they get to be free but for the rest of our lives we now carry this pain for them like no other" #onedayatatime
Somehow when i think of this and him being free it helps me carry the weight of it all a little better!! I just miss him!!💔💔💔#dontstopbelieving #truckerrideswithus #LOVEbeatscancer #missingmyopihi Thank you Marc Chambers for the incredible photos!!❤❤❤

"Its bittersweet you see,
Your not here but i can feel you
Every memory is on the tip of my tongue
Close my eyes, see your face, hold on tight to yesterday
Praying when i wake it was just a dream
Its bittersweet!!!"
Zac brown band says it best!!!
#onedayatatime #dontstopbelieving #missingmyopihi #LOVEbeatscancer

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