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lysslady lysslady

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alyssa 🌙  Mental Health Advocate 💜 Self Love and Body Positivity Fan 💪 Fainty Girl 🌿 WYL Friend and NAM Brand Ambassador 👯 💌thatlysslady@gmail.com

Raise your hand if this is relatable 🙋

I attend therapy. I’ve had a variety of different kinds of counselling over the years to differing degrees of success, but finally this last year I’ve found a therapist whom I feel comfortable with. In many ways she has helped me to find myself again after living with untreated depression and anxiety since I was a child. My sessions with her are invaluable and I wouldn’t give them up for anything.

BUT. There are some days where I feel like I’m not living up to my recovery potential. Like I’m FAILING therapy. It’s an absurd statement because you can’t fail at therapy, but sometimes there’s still that nagging feeling. I haven’t had a major breakthrough, I’ve never cried in a session, and on days when nothing particularly bad has happened in the week leading up to my appointment, I feel awkward and uncomfortable because “I don’t have anything to talk about” (again, ridiculous because I have plenty of things to talk about they just don’t come easily). My answers sometimes come out static and I have a hard time really accessing those deep down emotions. But then I’ll have a great session and things will be fine again.

Recovery, as we well know now, is never linear. Sometimes we’ll have good days and sometimes we’ll have bad. Sometimes things will flow easily in a session and sometimes they won’t. And that’s okay! Therapy is an adjustment. It takes lots of practice to unlearn the negative coping mechanisms that you depended on in your worst years. THAT’S WHY YOU’RE THERE.

So for anyone who is feeling the above, I’m there with you and sending you a big ❤️ back. It’s okay if it’s hard to talk about your struggles, just remember to be proud of yourself for trying in the first place.

Shoutout to the little wins ✨
A couple of weeks ago I put on this dress and spent a good 40 minutes waffling about whether I should wear it or not. I’ve gained a bit of weight since I bought it so it’s a little snugger in places, a little more form-fitting than it used to be, and that made me hella insecure. I asked for multiple opinions about whether I was “too fat” to wear this dress still and I think I changed about 5 times - nothing seemed right because I WANTED to wear that dress. It’s easy and warm and comfortable. The only thing stopping me was the idea that my belly was too big to wear it. And that’s disordered thinking diet culture BULLSHIT. All bodies are allowed to wear whatever they want, however they want.
So I wore the damn dress. And I felt good in it.
Even though those disordered ideas from my past still float around my head, I know I can move passed that. I know I can say fuck off and see myself as I am, with the respect I deserve. THAT is a win.

Today’s #wcw goes to @daqueenofcurves and her rad ladies ❤️ (thank you @morragirl for sending this to me 😊)
This speaks to me for 2 reasons.
The first being that, growing up fat meant I had a hard time believing I could possibly be an attractive person - it was totally unheard of. And sexiness just made me UNCOMFORTABLE. That’s stayed with me even now when I’m not in that body anymore. (Fun fact, I was once on a date where a guy called me sexy and I literally told him to shut up 😂) Seeing these women be so confident in themselves makes my heart SIIIIIIIIING and makes me mad that the world ever made me doubt myself. Sexiness has no size and neither does ability (and DAMN these girls have strength 💪)
The second reason is “I’m not for everybody, but that’s okay with me”. I LOVE this sentiment. I spent a very long time trying to fit into other people’s boxes so that they’d like me. But all that did was create a ghost version of myself where I had no idea who I was outside of those expectations. And half the time the effort didn’t work anyway. What I’ve come to learn in the last few years is that there will always be someone who doesn’t like you, there will always be someone who doesn’t understand what you do or vibe with your personality. And that’s O K A Y. It’s far better to be true to yourself and happy with the knowledge that you won’t get along with everyone, than it is to keep trying and trying to fit into unrealistic expectations to please the very limited societal norm. You do you. BE you.
Thank you, Ro’yale, for this message and for being unapologetic in yourself. Much love ❤️

“How are you feeling?”
a) “I’m fine. Had a couple of bad days but I’m much better now.”
b) “Awful. Every day is a bad day in some way or another.”
“That’s too bad. Must be tough.”
a) “It can be but I try to be positive about it.”
b) “Everything, even this conversation, is a struggle.”
“What do the doctors say?”
a) “They’ve given me a few things to try and hopefully with time that’ll work.”
b) “Nothing. They’re grasping at straws. I am a medical marvel.”
“Have you tried yoga/meditation/going vegan/gluten-free/paleo/supplements?”
a) “I’ve heard good things about that, I’ll have to look into it.”
b) “Keep your unlicensed, unsolicited, and unprofessional opinions to yourself. If I should be doing it, trust me, I already am”.

Can you tell the difference between answers a) and answers b) ? I wonder what would happen if all of us who deal with some kind of medical condition stopped giving the bullshit “acceptable” stock answers and told the truth. The world would be #shook with how real we feel things.

For the last week and a half I’ve had an impromptu break from this account (I’m back now, hi friends 👋). Honestly, I’ve just been feeling so mentally exhausted for no reason at all and I didn’t have the motivation to write, to be political, to be a positive source of change.
It’s impossible to be “on” all the time and fighting takes a lot out of you. I don’t want to portray something that I’m not feeling. That goes against everything this account is about.
And so. This post goes out to all of the people on here (high profile or medium or personal) who try to make this world a better place. You are allowed to take breaks. You are allowed to do it with no explanation. And you are allowed to be a person first and an activist second.
The burnout is real, people. Look after yourself so you can keep looking out for others.
Image from Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit

This weekend’s mantra
YOUR recovery is the only recovery you should be focusing on.
Edited to add: this can be about anything, not just recovery. Where you are in life, what you’re doing, progress that you’ve made - it’s about your own experiences and moments of achievement, not anyone else’s

Stretch marks are not something to be ashamed of. They are SO common and literally just a signifier that your body has changed in some way, AS ALL BODIES DO.

Many of mine appeared during puberty. I have stretch marks from weight gain, neither a good or bad statement. Some people get them from gaining muscle. Women get them from pregnancy. Men get them too. Children, adults, seniors.
Stretch marks are so natural that they hardly feel worth mentioning. Yet there is such shame surrounding these little lines that normalizing NEEDS to happen.

So here we go. These are some of my stretch marks. I have many more on different parts of my body. They do not hurt me physically or harm me mentally. I do not feel the need to call them beautiful, nor do I feel like they are ugly. They simply are.

At what point did you, as a woman, start worrying about aging? About wrinkles and fine lines and crow’s feet?

I know that shit was ingrained in me since I was a kid. I’ve never been able to flip through a magazine without seeing some kind of ad for rejuvenation lotions and potions and where the model (100% of the time a woman) hasn’t been airbrushed within an inch of her life. I turn on the TV and see near 30 year olds playing teenagers, and 40 year olds playing grandmothers.

To make matters worse, we’re also taught to grow up as fast as possible so that it’s not as creepy 🙄 when we’re sexualized from a young age. Be “mature”, wear makeup, dress like an adult. The hypocrisy is so thick you can spread it with a knife.

Being young is good until it’s not. And being old is a death sentence.
This past year I’ve been more aware of the new lines on my face. Not many, but enough that I can see I’m aging. I have smile lines and eye crinkles. My face is settling into a more adult shape. For a while it bothered me. I didn’t like these new developments and what they meant for me as a woman. Am I less attractive now? Am I “past my prime”, so to speak?

And then I realized that those lines invoke memories. I can see drinks with friends, and embarrassment from awkward dates, and overwhelming love from visits with my niece. I see LIFE in every single little wrinkle. Why would I want to get rid of that?

Aging is not a sin. Being young is not it’s all cracked up to be. Live in your age, from 5 to 105, and E M B R A C E it. Don’t miss out on the fun things in life because you were trying to be something you’re not.

Bellies full of love and cheeks rosey from laughter (and wine 🍷)
Sometimes it’s the family you choose that makes you feel the most at home with yourself ❤️

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
#grouchomarx #groucho #marxbrothers #happyhalloween #halloweencostume #halloween

Happy Halloween! 🎃☠️👻🦇
I hope everyone had a fun weekend/has a great night. Stay safe, be respectful, and eat lots of candy on my behalf 🍫
Sending this spell out to every one of my followers with lots of love 🖤🖤 #loveyourself

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the sentence “Have you tried this?” It’s exhausting to listen to and insulting that people I assume I’m not doing everything in my power to look after myself/manage my condition
#invisibledisability #disability #chronicillness #chronicpainwarrior #spoonie #vasovagalsyncope #faintygirlproblems

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