Things have been VERY quiet around here and I feel it's finally time to break my silence. I had been hoping to share with you all that baby #2 was on the way and that Emery was going to be a big sister.
Sadly, all of that changed a few weeks ago when I was told that my little girl’s heart had stopped beating at 17 weeks gestation. Nothing could have prepared me for this news. In one instant the excitement of being blessed with another precious little girl was dashed with the awful reality that I would never get the chance to know her in this life.
Unfortunately, though my baby girl had been gone for almost 3 weeks, my body refused to recognize her loss naturally and I needed to be induced. On July 6th, after 12 hours in labor I delivered my baby girl in the hospital. I was able hold her tiny, precious body and tell her goodbye. I can’t even describe the mess of emotions and pain I’ve been trying to navigate through these past few weeks. Thankfully I have been surrounded by the love of my family and the comforting words, encouragement and support of so many women in this community that have spoken truth to me in my darkest hours. I know there are many other mamas that have gone through this and my heart breaks over and over for them.
My little girl’s due date was December 15th and we decided to name her Noelle Margaret. We chose Noelle because she would have been our Christmas baby, and Margaret (which means pearl) in remembrance of my late maternal grandmother.
I am thankful that my angel baby is in heaven in the arms of Jesus and I remind myself that she belonged to Him before she ever belonged to me. I take comfort in the fact that she is perfect and whole, and that I will see her again one day. My darling Emery is my sunshine on the cloudy days and I rejoice in her life and all of the joy, love, laughter, and sweetness she brings. I know that all things work together for those that love Him and although I do not understand God’s timing, I will continue to give thanks even when my heart hurts and I wake up feeling empty.
For now, I will seek Him and wait for the rainbow at the end of the storm. 🌈