Trust is everything. We're not always handed the smoothest ride. And just when you think you have it all figured out, you're tested again. And I'm starting to see that we're given everything for a reason.
I thought that as a nutritionist, with a six pack, that I had figured it all out. I thought I had beaten all my daemons around food and had resolved all my body issues. And then... I got pregnant and all the control that I had once had over my body was gone.
My daemons weren't beaten and the body issues weren't resolved - in fact - when they returned- they were even stronger and more powerful than before. That's when the real work began and I realized the most important lesson about body composition of all - IT DOESN'T MATTER.
You can have a six pack. You can be a perfect dress size. You can make your body look exactly how you want it to. But none of that matters if you haven't yet learned to love or trust it. All these years of dieting and I never trusted my body to maintain its weight without restricting or calorie counting. I didn't trust that it would take care of itself and find it's natural balance on its own. I was too afraid to let go. Too afraid that I'd gain all my weight back. And I never loved it enough to try. Ironically, the best time to learn to love and trust your body, is when you love and trust it least of all.
And so when I got pregnant I had no choice. I lost control, and my body was now taking charge to make a healthy baby. So I decided that for the next 9 months I was going to fall in love with this body and the baby it was making.
At 4.5 months in, my 6 pack is gone. My butt and thighs are thicker. My arms have gotten flabbier. But the difference is that now, most days, I really do love my body. I love every pound, dimple, and curve. It's not always easy and I do have hard days and definitely have set backs. But I'm FINALLY learning to give it the love and trust it deserves - and it hasn't let me down and has found it's balance (go figure). And THAT is worth more than any 6 pack. Thank you Universe for this incredible lesson in the form of a beautiful baby, and for helping restore my trust. 🙏🏻