I believe that in life, there is no greater achievement than to figure out what EXACTLY it is your precious self requires to feel contentment. The necessary ingredients will be drastically unique to you... no one else can tell you or exactly model what your deepest, truest contentment will look like. So don't bother asking or waiting for them to tell you... and definitely don't bother waiting for anyone to give you permission. Your peace and happiness is in you, my love, invite it to educate you on exactly what it needs. And once you know, exercise your inherent right to set boundaries and make the plans required to make it happen. No apologies.
I'd like to take you through this picture. I am home right now. Indoors, under a fan even though it is a gorgeous day to be outside. I could think: "what a waste, I should be outside!" But no, here I am currently happiest. I am alone, which is when I replenish my gratitudes and stabilize my internal compass. Usually I go with Liwai to drop off the girls; I know my presence is missed, they could be disappointed... But they are fine without me and I am happiest here. I am re-reading, for perhaps the 10th time, my favorite non-nutrition book in all creation (that I've yet found!). As a vegan, I hate this book, I find her choices reprehensible. But her writing is like balm to my soul. It soothes me into the receptivity I need to grow. And I love re-reading and re-watching media. I love knowing what to expect, it allows me to relax fully. And I'm eating perfectly over-ripe bananas (that are randomly green?!), which most people find gross, but not only do I find them delicious, they nourish me and are the exact food I ate to regain my health all those years ago. I was in the baby-days of veganism the first time I read this book. It taught me, above all, listen to what your body and soul are begging you for... and do it. And I've done it. Any outsider may believe my life is one of restriction, of laziness, of missed opportunities, of unused potential, of selfishness, of reclusion, of over-sharing (is that you, mom?)... Oh well, they can believe exactly as they wish... if I'm not tragically mistaken, this is contentment. 💗💗💗