This is why it is crucial to be tender to strangers.
There are a few people I have met, who I don’t think like me. And if they straight up do not, that’s okay, (I tell myself repeatedly) but it could also be they don’t like me because every time we’ve spoken, I’ve said the wrong thing, I’ve touched the wrong chords, I’ve been too abrasive.
I never mean anyone harm when I speak to them. Exes and people I don’t love alike, I never try to hurt people with words. I can’t stand petty games, and I think grudges are for fools. But I have to remember, that I am not only speaking to them in the moment, I am encountering their entire life’s work.
I can be graceless, a storm, uncool. I tend to be brazen, and sometimes I express things which I think are funny, but hit hard to someone else. If I have done this to you, I promise, I didn’t mean harm. I know you are complex, I know you have moods and memories and a whole slew of things tied up in your being.
I overstep boundaries sometimes, and I ask things that are too deep, too personal, and demand more than you wish to give, and I’m sorry.
I used to lie a lot. I cheated on my first boyfriend. I stole things, from stores, and I hid entire worlds from my mother.
I don’t do this anymore. It has taken years (about 8 and counting) but I strive to be brutally honest, without harm. I can be a handful to date, because I ask details about how you felt as a child, what is it like to be the oldest, how many times have you been in love.
I know these can be difficult questions, especially when you have a lot on your plate. But I fully believe that if you can handle the hard conversations, it makes the little shit a WHOLE lot easier.
So sometimes, yes, I am a tornado. And I will rip through your life and take you for turns, and you will wish you had a cellar to run to.
But at the end of the night, I will hold you, play with your hair, massage your weak bones, and be the drizzle on your window that lulls you to sleep. I love you, and even if I do not love you yet, I hope you know that I could.