I see you every week,
You tear through my dreams.
Jolted from my sleep by my own screams.
Dreams of you leaving havoc by any means,
I wake pulling phantom fingers feeling them laced around my throat.
Flashbacks of the real fear that so often you wanted me to feel,
so real in my sleep,
they say it's called PTSD.
Broken in my mind,
pieces I can't rebuild.
I realize now that you no longer loved me,
if even that was real.
Memories of that love no longer forever mine,
only memories of the joy I saw in your eyes,
as you broke my bones and tried to shatter my spine.
You had a lot of skill,
smiling through it all,
telling me that you would choose when I would fall.
I can never forget,
as you threw me to the ground, the pride in your eyes as my body went limp.
Again and again you pounded me on to the floor,
so much force and still you wanted to do more.
"Happy now! Want some more!?" I laid there and wept as you said I was weak,
"What a pathetic mess" you would say for crying so deep.
"Don't make a noise or you'll get some more, you stupid, pathetic, little whore."
Beat my face til you broke my nose,
popped out my jaw,
it pushed in to my ear canal,
and still through it all I begged you to stop,
told I loved you and, that you were better than this.
Then said you'd help me, that only you cared, told me this was love and you were teaching me how to be.
Taught me nothing but pain and deceit.
Showed our kids what a real man should never be.
#insomnia #baddreams #real #poetry #reallifepoetry #poem #yousuckatbeingahumanbeing #forevermore