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Leonard Mathew Lucius Teo  The Joy of the Lord is my Strength and I will call upon this strength when I am weak for I am his beloved son.


"I know the sorrow, I know the hurt, would all go away if you'd just say the word but even if you don't, my hope is you alone"

I can't say that army hasn't started to have its effects on me. It's not been easy at all and I've had lies in my brain constantly for the past few weeks and I've let it get to me, pressure to live up to expectations, to prove something that doesn't matter, focused on secular things. I've never felt so confused, lost, hopeless, scared in my life. I've lost sight of who i was when I had God by my side. I can't say that the next few days, months or however long, is gonna be better because I don't know, only God does, but whatever it is, I'm scared but I know I gotta let God show me his plans. But it's times like this when I really understand it when community members who've been through army say that their faith and the community is what gets them through army.
Also. Part 2 of this song is on @dairymilkmilk insta xD and BLOOPERS are next. XD

This. This community is why I drive across Singapore for, these sowers have become my family, for 8 weeks of community living, seeing each other at our worst, living with each other, learning our habits, praying for each other, being there for each other. I'm so thankful I attended sow and I couldn't imagine having any one else to have gone through sow with. Being back at OYP after 2 months, basically the whole BMT, being back in the place I called home for 8 weeks, it brought back so many memories, memories I want to relive, a period of time that was amazing, centred on my faith, surrounded by incredible people. I sat there tonight in the queue for recon, looking at our photo on the OYP photo wall and I teared up because I really missed sow, that small OYP ground became comfort, the hall where we had @heartacherry torturous arm exercises, the field where we had games, the mount for session every morning when we were so tired, the carpark where we had frisbee. Everything came back like a flood. It was a beautiful 8 weeks and I would give anything to go back to it, but I know it's not possible, we have to move on and grow with these experiences, and that's what I'll do. :) thank you to all of you who came to supper tonight so spontaneously, it really made my night, and my week, and it's the most comfortable I've felt since I enlisted. I love you all so much and can't wait to meet up soon! (Spot the new additions to the SOW17 group heh)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @allysmawy haha. I'm really very thankful to have you in my life. From the moment I saw your Pink hair that looked like cotton candy, I knew I had found someone as crazy as me. All your ridiculous monkey runs to hug me to making annoying faces in photos. You have been an amazing friend to me, in SOW and outside SOW, despite you never replying me and not coming to my POP, but you did send me off for my enlistment so I'll give that to you haha. But we really need to meet up soon because I miss your craziness. Love you many many and happy birthday. May God continue to Bless your beautiful soul and continue being the smawy everyone loves. :)

So in love with these shoes. Came home after 9 weeks in BMT to these. :)

POP OH! first chapter of my army Journey is done! 2 months of being a scorpion warrior, rolling in mud, digging holes to sleep in, eating mush from a packet, doing push ups on hot parade ground and everything in between. Thank you to all my section mates, you guys are a bunch of jokers, love you all and thank you for all the good and bad times, pulling me through everything. To the platoon one commanders, thank you from the bottom of my heart, you made our BMT Journey a very memorable experience.
On to the next phase!

Squad goals. :) working out as the sun goes down. Noice.

Still have it 🙂 kinda. About 1 week to POP, army Life has been tough, not the easiest place to stay focused on your faith, and I know it's only gonna get tougher but having my communities behind me and allowing me to come back to them at any moment is something I really really cherish.

Anything is better than food rations but this is just awesome :)

I love coming back to @crossfitbukittimah to train despite having PT in army almost everyday, just being welcomed back and seeing familiar faces that I haven't seen in awhile is awesome. Makes me forget about army for just the short period of time. Managed to get 3 reps of power clean to jerk at 50kg today. Not bad :)

Looking back, more than 2 months ago, this video just reminds me of a time when I was truly happy, surrounded by 40 individuals who were just as crazy about their faith as I was. I woke up every day knowing it was a day to grow my relationship with Jesus. Many times I've wished I could go back to the days of SOW, in these days of army, more than ever and rewatching the videos of us taking hours to practice the dance or the hilarious photos we took brings tears to my eyes because it feels like forever ago and I feel like that I've lost that version of me. I really wish I could go back to SOW.

If I'm being honest, I can really see how people can lose their faith when they're in army. Throughout the 3 weeks, I've thought that it would be easier if I didn't have my faith, I wouldn't feel the pain of not going for mass, or having the worries of being left behind by my communities. And really that is such a big fear of mine, that I'll be left behind in these 2 years, people will move on without me and I'll become a stranger, a place I called home with people I called my family would become something completely opposite of that. It's been so tough trying to remain steadfast in my faith, every night I would go to bed, say a quick prayer and wonder if I'm going to get another anxiety attack at night and I really don't know if I will, I just pray I don't. I guess that's all I really can do right now... pray. I miss you Seeking Surrender, I miss you SOWers, I miss you choir members, I miss my family, I miss freedom. I seek comfort and God.

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