HOW I DIDN'T BREAK MY FINGER THIS MORNING or DON'T BE SUCH A CRYBABY
I don't usually write really long posts, but I feel like sharing. This morning while trying to have 15 minutes to myself on my yoga mat, after repeatedly being interrupted by my son banging on the door in an attempt to get me to go outside with him on a walk, I firmly instructed him to sit down on the couch and wait for me to finish. On his way over to the couch he tripped on the edge of my mat and his heel smashed my unsuspecting ring finger into the hard tile floor. In agony I immediately screamed, pushed him off my aching hand and sent my very startled and confused 7-year-old son out of the room while I held my sure-to-be broken finger tightly in my lap.
The flood of tears 😭 came hours later as the injury got progressively more swollen (I could barely get my ring off) and more painful as I went about my busy day. When I finished with the cooking, shopping, working, driving, and a 2 hour hike with Gael I thought my hand was going to fall off. Suddenly I was sobbing and couldn't stop.
It's funny about crying: no one wants you to do it. On my way to the ER almost everyone I encountered encouraged me in one way or another to stop crying.
Oh, don't be silly.
You're acting like a 2-year-old.
Your finger hurts? I thought something really terrible had happened to you.
Don't be such a crybaby. 😳😳😳 All these comments, needless to say, made me feel worse and cry even harder. Upon being asked over and over why I was crying, all that managed to come out was: 😢My finger huuuurts... My finger did hurt, actually. A lot. It was swollen, discolored and bent over in throbbing bouts of pain. But the REAL reason for my tears? How to explain the repetition of yet another stressful morning with my autistic son, the ceaseless bombardment of questions, the trouble he gets into, the lack of comprehension, the frustration and scolding, the tears and apologies? How to explain the deep set constant fear and worry about his future, his education, his therapies? How to briefly describe the anxiety of everything I have to do to prepare for the start of the school year as a teacher... TO BE CONT.