It’s a pretty wonderful feeling when the whole world fits inside of your arms. For many, many people, present company included, the road to that closeness of family and of children is marked with miscarriage at some point in the process. I remember sitting at my kitchen counter, slumped over, head on folded arms, in deep, deep emotional pain. It was if my brain and my rationale had been completely disabled, and I was feeling a profound sense of loss in a guttural, almost animalistic way. The sounds coming out of my mouth were not my sounds, the stillness of my body lying twisted and heavy was not my stillness. The tears falling from my eyes were not even my tears; it felt as though I was processing a loss so deep, it was coming purely from my soul, using my body as a vehicle for her grief.
Miscarriage is not uncommon; in fact, it’s so incredibly common that if you survey the women in your friendships, your family, your community, you will realize quickly that having a miscarriage is part of most people’s storylines.
What is less common however, is our willingness to talk about and share openly our experiences of loss. Is it shame that holds us back? A feeling that we did something wrong to warrant the loss of a pregnancy we thought was ours? A sense that “it could have been worse” so we keep it to ourselves? A misplaced perception that “it wasn’t even real yet” so we don’t have permission to experience the loss?” Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to write a guest post for @wethemamas on How to Support a Friend Through Miscarriage, to open up that conversation on a national level.
Your pain is your pain, and the only way out is through. Frannie + Lilo have done the incredibly brave work of turning their pain into a motherhood movement, empowering women and families who have experienced this loss. You’ve probably seen or heard them via Huff Post or CBC this month alone. Their (super comfy and well fitting) t shirts are designed and made in Canada, and keep the conversation moving forward. The best thing you can do to support a friend through miscarriage? Listen. 🖤🖤