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lawrencelondon lawrencelondon

63 posts   33276 followers   505 followings

Lawrence  I ❤️ pizza, gym, beach and naked cuddles. Also arguing, fighting and drama 🤗and judging people. I am nomadic. And I ❤️ single, hairy men.

If you spent your weekend hooded and gagged, dressed as a gimp, suspended spread-eagle from the ceiling with someone having an violent fist fight with your ass, or on your hands and knees panting, drinking piss from a dogs bowl, or mummified head to toe with gaffa tape, desperately gasping for your last breath, padlocked into a Russian gas mask filled with toxic chloroethane...
Then you are sick and you are twisted. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you kiss your mother with that disgusting pig mouth? You fucking perverted mess. Seriously, you need help. Go see a therapist, immediately. Phone a priest, get an exorcism. Pray to Jesus. You need to stop.
Also, me too. Call me. I love you.

Question: what should be the ratio of face pics to ass pics on my insta? Answers accepted as ratios or percentages but I have a preference for pie charts because I love pies, line graphs because I love lines and scat charts because they graph pairs of numerical data, with one variable on each axis, to look for a relationship between them (and not for any other reason you fucking disgusting pervert. Yuck). Cheers a lot for taking part in this vital survey, it will most likely save humanity.

I cannot be bothered to make any effort writing a comment for this photo. And, with 2 guys waiting for me and just enough time to douche, I've simply got other things to worry about. Can you just enjoy the fucking photo this one time please and give me a post off. I greatly appreciate your cooperation with this matter 💖

A few guys have messaged to inform me that my photos are being used on gay apps in various locations around the world.
Guffaw.
And I've recently read a few similar stories from guys begging urgently "everyone please help me report this profile!" Firstly, take a deep breath girl.
Secondly, I'd love to know what's the fucking point?
My Instagram is at best a highly concentrated, over-exaggerated fragment of a minuscule part of who I am, usually written drunk or tripping my balls off, and given lots of artistic licence.
In fact, my whole persona is sometimes determined by the strength of my ego at that moment.
And, not to get too philosophical here because I don't have the intellect to back it up, but If my ego isn't really 'me', then is it a separate entity?
And if so, is my insta page itself a fake profile?
I think a big reason sex is such a feature of my page is because "sex sells". And "sexy" people have more followers. I like to make people laugh, but no one ever said "humor sells" and so my ego is hijacking my page in order to get more attention for something that isn't even real! Fuck, I'm lost.
Is there really a difference whether it's my ego feeding you lots of fake bollocks or someone else's?
Either way, no version of me is the real me (the real version is far too monstrous to show and I think if it was exposed would transform into a demon lizard spirit, rip open the space time continuum and suck the universe into a gaping black sequinned hole to meet it's oblivion). Gaping is one of my favourite words btw.
Ok, I've managed to confuse my inadequate brain adequately.
Off to do a line of Ritalin.

#tbt
Look, I used to be able to see my abs and not my current pizza gunt (that's when your fat gut extends all the way to your cunt) which paradoxically I'm too self conscious to show here yet I'm audaciously charging $300/hour or more to jiggle that piggy porky paunchy delight (or free of charge to those who want to degrade me so atrociously that I buckle with arousal under the pressure of my own self loathing).
On a lighter note, I've decided to remain single indefinitely. Hurrah. No more pathetic relationship drama posts from me!
It's definitely NOT because I'm a weird, confrontational, hyper-sensitive loner who finds it profoundly impossible to connect with or understand any other gay guys in any way whatsoever.
No, no, that can't be the reason. It can't be me.
It must be everyone else, K.
Love ya x

Anon cum dump available now. Masc (Fem), GL (ugly as fuck), discreet (highly conspicuous), DDF (riddled and tweaking the fuck out on T). Door open, you walk in (Kylie remix is playing). I'm blindfolded (but peeking and giggling), naked (except for my barbie jockstrap), ass up. Fuck me hard, load my ass and go (aka you spend 20 minutes trying to get your limp dick hard before I lose patience and ask you to leave. You fuck off back to the "love of your life" and act like normal. I go back to painting my toe nails and waiting for my next punter). Send stats and clit pic.

Finally, some very important home improvements complete.
I don't think I need a psychic or crystal ball to predict an intense weekend coming up.
God fucking help my neighbours.
Now I just have to organise the guest list...I wonder what my Dads up to...

Never forget your safe word - especially when you can't breath. Mine's "don't stop".

I love kissing. And right now I'm really missing a good kiss with someone that I like. It's a beautiful way of connecting and it obviously feels incredible. I'm not ashamed to say that I wish I had someone to kiss me every single day. Feeling the warmth of someone so close, the perfect caress that can start gentle and loving and intensify into something profoundly deep and intoxicating. I'm a sensitive guy so I love being kissed softly and slowly. But I also love those times when a kiss is rough and intense with passion, desire and even aggression. Whenever I kiss someone I feel connected to them. I can sense what they're feeling and I respond to their body language to try to heighten the pleasure. Kissing is obviously an incredibly intimate act that if done right can really turn a relationship into something truly magical. And, although being single means I don't kiss every day (I don't even kiss every month!), I'm able to kiss different people from time to time and improve my technique and my ability to read the other person and blow their mind.
When I finally settle down with someone I expect that the art of kissing will play a big role in our happiness as I think that kissing each other with LOVE can transport us to new levels of ecstasy. To give and receive that much pleasure will make me a very, very happy man.
Sorry, did I say kiss?
I meant fist.

I'm smiling in this pic because I'm alive. And I survived the Amazon jungle and the ayahuasca medicine. I'm packing for a well deserved holiday with my best friend of 20 years. And I have 4 fingers up my butt.

This will be my last post for a while as im trekking into the Peruvian Amazon, alone, for 2 weeks, to take intense hallucinogenic drugs (ahayuasca) every other day. Shitting and pissing and vomiting my guts up in order to rid myself of the demon spirits that reside within me and to look for some answers to some very persistent questions.
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I wish I could share some of the experience here as it's mostly the equivalent of vomit and diahorrea that I see on instagram so it only seems fair.
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Anyway, good luck to the Machu Picchu shamen witch doctors having to deal with me.
I am a perfect mess - possessed by my ego, my fears, my insecurities. Judgmental, hypocritical, jealous, controlling, obsessive and more. A psycho lunatic whore from hell. Looking for love! Lord help me.
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It's come at a serendipitous time as I need a serious break from antisocial media.
In 4 months I've become addicted to the insta app, the likes, the followers, the validation, and ultimately, I've become the very thing that I loathe. A desperate, attention seeking motormouth.
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It's time to let go of my phone and reconnect with the real world (Aka having my mind and soul opened up and fist-fucked by jungle pygmies while on strong drugs).
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To anyone who I offended with any of my posts, I shallowly and insincerely apologise.
And for those of you who I didn't offend, I'm sorry. If my head isn't shrunken and impaled on a stick then I'll be back soon, and I'll get around to you then.

After a fascinating but ultimately depressing conversation with another guy in an open relationship I'm now debating with myself if monogomy is no longer an option? Why do I still remain so hopeful that Mr Right is out there? When a lot of anecdotal evidence suggests I'll need countless Mr Right-Nows to be happy. And why did I filter out all of my features in this photo? Lord Jesus help me please 💔

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