It’s been a hell of week. Three ultrasounds and several appointments have now confirmed ‘Preterm Premature Rupture of the Membranes’. We hadn’t heard that term before last week but to put it simply, the amniotic fluid levels around our baby are too low to carry her full term. There is a small tear in the membranes and I’ve slowly lost almost all of the amniotic fluid. It’s crazy how you can go from being so happy to being absolutely terrified. I keep hearing the drs words swirling around my head, “we can’t predict labor, it could be tomorrow”, “some people choose to terminate at this point”, “your baby won’t survive if born in the next few weeks”. Around and around. The lack of space and fluid around the baby is starting to compress her chest, meaning her lungs can’t practice breathing. We’ve been told that if I can somehow make it to 30 weeks, the baby’s lungs will still only be developed to that of a 24 week old. She’s healthy right now, nothing wrong with her perfect little body. I feel horrible, knowing it’s MY body that is failing her. I realise it’s not my fault but it’s hard to overlook the fact that it’s definitely not hers.
Right now all we can do is wait. Wait and hope that I can keep her safe inside my belly for a while longer. In a few weeks, we will have an appointment at the NICU at the hospital. Our dr said it’s important that we know what’s coming and be prepared.
For the full story, I’ve written a post on my blog to explain a bit more how this has all come to be. Link is in my profile.