To all my friends: •••
As I prepare for the much cherished annual Christmas ski trip I’m reminded that this time of year can be tough for some and has been for me in the past. I’ve given a lot of thought to whether or not I’d post this because I feel like we’re in a time when notes like these are so familiar - yet another fortunate asshole struggling with depression. “You’re being weak” I would think to myself. • • •
But, one unfortunate thing about this battle I’ve found myself rooted in over the last while is that to do it in silence is to lose ground. Also, to apply macho logic to it is idiotic. Even worthy logic can’t reason why the joy, motivation, and work ethic for things I normally love to do has at times completely vanished. It’s terrifyingly strange to live in this little paradise and feel such profound nothingness that the thought of death becomes so dominant. • • •
I’ll be the first to tell anyone that I have an incredible life and I’m often in disbelief of the calibre of company I find myself in - but sometimes it feels like finding my “normal” self is like trying to catch a greased pig and I’m afraid on the outside it can make me seem like a dick. So if I have been, or have let you down in some way I’m truly sorry, I’m working on it.
• • •
Just know that as I work up the courage to post this it’ll no doubt be accompanied by fear of estrangement, but more importantly deep gratitude for all I’m lucky enough to call Friend. As for my family, well you’re stuck with me! But seriously - Thank you all, you’re the reason I’m here. Have a great Christmas! • • •
For anyone that can relate, I’m always open to talk. #suicideawareness #depression #whatyoudontsee #stopthestigma