Alcohol was my tool for dealing with a lot of anxiety and pain for the longest time, and it hurt me and the ones I loved most. I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum - numbing myself to the point of absolute indifference to my own life, and completely drowning in my emotions - letting them overwhelm me without ever having a way of managing them. I become so withdrawn into my own head. I let so much anger, hurt, resentment, shame, and pain build up it led me to reach for substances every time I needed to forget. And then it become a preventative, drinking before any social activity in order to cope. .
I’m so fucking grateful I got arrested because it was the wake up call I needed - a wake up call without pressuring me to acknowledge the certain behaviors themselves - not shaming them or challenging my fragile ego, or making me out to be a horrible individual, but it was just a “hey, you’re fucking up right now and something needs to changed.” I went 110% in to working towards doing better for me, the first time I ever really took the time to do any form of mental self care for that reason. I stopped drinking, stopped going out and sleeping around. It wasn’t cold turkey, but I did slow down and eventually got to a point where alcohol didn’t even tempt me. .
Fast forward 4 years and I’m just starting getting comfortable with alcohol again, and even looking into plant medicines - don’t get me wrong, the fear is still there. I know how it can quickly go from a social drink here and there to going out getting wasted every weekend. However, at my gut level I trust myself now, something I never did (nor cared to do) back before I got arrested and started this self care journey. I don’t hate/resent any part of it, I love where I was and where I have come to be, and every part in between is part of a big beautiful journey. .
Today is #SelfCareSaturday - and for #MakeMovesSetGoals I want you to set a goal of appreciation/gratitude journaling for a transition period in your past. It doesn’t have to be long or drawn out, just a simple statement that acknowledges and doesn’t shame that part of your life. Write to yourself or share if you want, love you guys ❤️