I chose to walk those long dusty roads on my own.
In silence, without a plan or direction.
Guided by my inner compass.
I became a lone wolf.
Oh these healing summer nights spent in solitude, standing naked on the grass in the dark, howling at the full moon,
laying under the open firmament on my own, covered in nothing but starshine.
These late afternoons driving around in my car with no aim in mind, arriving at my favorite lake by sunset and going for a skinny dip in the golden liquid.
These early mornings spent running in the woods, listening to the birds, having breakfast on a mountain while looking over a river in a valley, somewhere under the tree tops where all the colors merged with my skin. The daily barefoot walks and the stains on my wall from practicing yoga with dirty feet. The wild blackberries I picked and devoured within seconds. All the poems I wrote, just for myself. And the many love-letters I sent to my soul, asking for forgiveness. The countless days spent in bed crying my eyes out, wishing myself away. And the many hours I talked to mother nature, telling her all the little secrets of my soul. She is so understanding and supportive. The discipline I had during my morning routine. All these intentions, affirmations and manifestations. The crazy amount of incense I burned. And the precious moments I spent without gazing at my phone.
The long walks in the deep snow at the beginning of this year, listening to Louise Hay over and over again, and the countless times I had to trick myself into believing in myself when my situation seemed so pointless. Until it eventually sank into my subconscious mind - for repetition is our strongest tool.
This year has been purely dedicated to healing my whole being - mind, body, heart and soul.
I'm beyond grateful for having dissolved so many blockages, for giving myself so much time, for reconnecting to the wild woman within, and for embracing my femininity, my soft side, my weaknesses and my fears.
Alone, I learned to be with myself.
I needed to learn that first in order to be with other people, authentically without anxiety.
This is my journey
and I feel like I'm on my way home