korileigh korileigh

237 posts   3077 followers   430 followings

kori leigh  🖤women's self-care coach ✨author & public speaker 🖤Ritual Of Self-Care Tele-Course© ✨C.H.N nutrition consultant 💌 Kori.hagel@gmail

http://www.korileigh.com/cultivate-wellness-8-week-telecourse/

I'm emotional tonight (what, ME??... emotional? 😂) as I gather my belongings for burning man & spend my night in deep soul convo with sisters... I'm going to burning man with no agenda, no goal.
I just know my soul needs to be there -- why, I have no clue.
I'm going to the playa this year to bare my open heart to one of the most sacred places I've ever known.
I'm going there to continue on my healing pilgrimage, to nourish my heart.
I'm walking into this next chapter as free as a bird, with love as my deepest intention.
Love wins.
I'm going to go where the wind takes me; I'm totally open to the cosmos.
I have never been so inside out, so raw, so free, so accepting in all of my life.
I have been utterly recalibrated -- this chapter has been a wee bit of a mind (& soul) fuck; & although I'm raw... so raw ... I am in the deepest state of humility I have ever been in.
Never have I felt such gratitude.
Never have I known so little & been so content with knowing so little.
I suppose what I feel these days is grace.
It's really astonishing in its beauty.
Just the mere mention of the word "grace" has my eyes well up in tears.
I have no fucking clue what's in store for me, but for the first time in all of my waking days on this earth, I actually trust this bizarre existence.
It's beautiful.
I'm so in love.
I'm so thankful.

I woke up this morning with a deep urge to re-read step three of the twelve steps; it's my favourite of the steps, & the one I practice the most.
It's a hard step to take for a control freak like me.
I've always "known best" (silly me). I've always had a plan, been opinionated, tried to manipulate & control the flow of my life.
My will did not get me very far.
It did land me into recovery; so that's a gift.
It did land me into a position where my whole entire life had to catch ablaze; so, I suppose that's a gift.
But I'm done learning the hard way.
I'm done being self righteous & stubborn.
I'm done thinking I know everything because, I don't.
I'm done thinking I know best.
The best thing I can do is find my place on my knees, in humility, & pray for "divine will be done". I have fucked this up so many times, taking back the illusion of control, & ending up in more disaster, unhealthy relationships, deeper addiction, & darker nights.
These days my life is a 24 hour at a time job, & every.single.choice I make involves surrender.
I'm learning to listen,
to find fluidity & flexibility.
I'm learning to panic less at the unknown -- that's a big ass deal for me; I always panicked, worried, overthought into manic anxiety -- not these days. These days I'm totally ok with having the force that makes the sun come up each day to guide my life.
This processes is catapulting me into faith, softness, open-hearted'ness, humility & total gratitude.
This morning has been divine.
On my knees in prayer. & then a full blown solo-dance-party with rezzzzz blasting.
Gratitude.
So much gratitude.
Pic: @nourishnomnom

I've posted this before, & here I am posting it again.
I got a little turned upside down 7 days ago. I got a little hooked into an old heart feeling, & I found myself broken, lost, & trying my hardest to be the bravest I've ever been; but the bravery wasn't for me.
I lost my footing.
My heart bled in pain.
I feel used, & a little drained. The hope I carry in my back pocket is suffocating my very ability to accept what fucking is; & that's what acceptance means. It means to accept the truth, to accept the painful reality of what IS.
I wept more these past 7 days than I have since the clouds parted.
Last night I felt sick to my stomach, & anxious in my heart -- something doesn't feel right. & so, I scrolled through my map of healing, my own IG words, my 'online journal'; & I found a post from just a few weeks back where I talked about the most important tool in my tool box ... SELF LOYALTY.
After all that has been of these past 6 years of intense lessons, I fucking promised myself that I would never ever EVER abandon self again, no matter what.
Not to be Brave for you.
Not to win you over.
Not to hustle for your god damn approval.
Not to shut my voice to make you comfortable.
I promised that I would be loyal to self, that I would stand tall in my truth -- no matter how hard, or how scary, or how painful. I promised that I would honour my heart no.matter.what.
I woke up this morning feeling a little lighter.
I woke up & the world felt less confusing, less chaotic, & less grey.
The clouds are yet again parting.
This pilgrimage is taking all of my mite.
Sometimes I just want a fucking hug & for the pain to go away.
But I'm learning to ride these waves.
I'm learning to surrender.
I'm learning to fall into these painful moments with grace, & an open heart.
I'm thankful for this forest fire.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to rise.
I have truly come so far, I'm proud of who I am becoming. & so the healing journey continues, with a few tears in my eyes, a softness in my heart that is nearly unbearable, & a soul filled with gratitude, humility, willingness, & awe.
One foot & then the next; carry the fuck on.
Rising.
Healing.
Choosing love.

I'm weeping, & laughing.
Meditating, & pacing.
My face is drenched in tears, & my heart is filled with gratitude.
I'm in pain, & joy all at the same time.
I've been struck with awe; an epiphany of sorts.
I'm rendered speechless.
My heart hurts.
I'm scared & hopeful all at once.
I'm proud of the 235 days of sobriety I've managed to string together 1 day at a time.
I'm open & soft.
My heart is no longer caged in icy fear; it now beats on the outside of my body.
I'm tired. & energized.
It's all the feels tonight.
Get me to the playa stat. Bring me to my home... burning man.
I have costumes to wear, a manuscript to burn, 7 days of dancing, & a healing pilgrimage to continue on.
This life is fucking weird. & I'm beyond humbled.
I don't know what's coming, but I'm learning to trust the cosmos plan.

I'm intensely introverted today.
I'm anxious, & nothing makes any fucking sense.
I have once again cried a countless number of tears, & I don't even know why.
My heart is broken, & today I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of hurting, I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of fucking feeling it all.
I'm sick of the anxiety racing through my veins, & the obsessive thinking in my head.
I'm sick of it.
Maybe it's this wild eclipse season, or maybe it's Mercury in retrograde, or maybe I'm just anxious today -- for no reason -- or maybe it's because I stand amongst the ashes of my life burnt down, & sometimes I feel way too fucking overwhelmed to know how to begin the rebuild. Where do I even begin? How do I rebuild when it still hurts so bad? & then I remember... it's one foot & then the next my darling. It's slow & steady. It's a get-down-on-your-knees-in-surrender kinda job. It's faith. It's the path of the warrior.
The rebuild begins so simple, it begins by saying "what does my heart need right now, in the moment"... & then do it.
It's ok to be amongst the ashes.
It's ok to feel broken.
It's ok to not know.
It's ok to feel.
It's ok to be lonely & a little shattered.
As long as the heart remains beating & the process of #onefootandthenthenext continues, healing will happen, & life will make sense again.
Just keep going, keep feeling, keep showing up.
Your not alone.
Pic: @youarenotstuck

I am learning that not all of the humans deserve my whole heart.
I'm learning that just because there is love does not make it healthy.
I'm learning that not only is it important to be cautious about whom we share our shame story with, but also whom we share our most intimate selves with.
Not all of the humans have earned the right to the key to my heart; it's a tough boundary for a heart-throbbing-human like me.
It's tough, but necessary.
Pic. Words. Inspo. @thefeminineshift

The healing pilgrimage continues.. It sorta feels like I'm back to square one.
It the quiet moments all I can feel these days is the extraordinary pain of the shattered pieces of my heart.
Oh my my god this journey is calling on the deepest parts of me to be brave, to keep going.
This journey is the most intense & painful journey I have ever been on.
I'm so tired.
I'm so bruised.
Sometimes I just don't want to take another step.
Why does it have to hurt so bad? Why did I have to fall so hard? Why did I learn to love so deep? Why can't I just be fucking mad?... why oh WHY do I have to fucking care so much?
Why the fuck do I have to love so much? WHY?
WHY.
But now, there is no turning back, there is no hardening this heart that beats inside my rib cage. I can not get it to stop feeling, to stop loving. There is no way to numb it; she seems to want to feel it all, she seems to have exploded with love.
It feels unbearable.
The pain is too much.
The compassion is too much.
The love is too much.
It's just to much; it's taking my breath away, & knocking me back onto my knees.
Here I am again on my knees & answerless. Answerless & broken.
I want to obsess. I want to know the plan. I want to run. I want to stop feeling so.damn.much. & yet, here I am.
In surrender,
dropping the need to fix, obsess, & control;
feeling exuberantly intense emotions, & falling to my knees in total awe at this strange & beautiful life we live.
Here I am, in trust..... yep, real trust.
Teach me grief; I am your willing student, teach me what I need to know.
I promise to be Brave.
I promise I'll listen.
Self-care for me has returned to the basics once again... breathe in, breathe out.
It's all I can do.
One foot at a time, step-by-step.
I'm still rising, it's just that now my heart beats even deeper, loves even fuller, & feels even more.
It's so intense, it makes me want to puke.
Intense.
Beautiful.
Painful & raw.
I'm trusting you cosmos.
I'm yours.

Pic: @teganjaydutton

Well if life has served me one lesson that I have come quiet fluent in, it is the ability to heal; the art of finding divinity in the darkest hours.
The ATLAS OF DARKNESS begins with self-compassion, leading to self-boundaries, which turns into the protection of our damn magic.
Self-loyalty.
Who knows what the tomorrow will bring.
But does it feel good now? I'm not talking about the kind of vacant, check-out, numb "feel good", no, I'm talking about that real feel good, feel good. The kind that is so intense it burns, the kind that renders one simultaneously speechless & filled with so much poetry all one can do is scream at the top of her lungs in blissful awe.
So, I ask you... does it feel good?
Is it a high enough vibration for you?
Is in in alignment with your soul?
Be honest.
Only you will know if your being real or cheating yourself.
Are you snorting the lines of self betrayal, & drinking into the dark oblivion of self-vacating? Are you choosing light, or falling into the lure of darkness?
Are you motivated at your core by fear or by love?
Can you call on courage & stand up for what you believe in; do you even know what it is you believe in?
Our magic must be protected, incubated, nourished, & cared for -- it's a hugely fierce job; one with high pay back.
Is your soul open to the cosmos?
Are you unshakable in your loyalty to self?
Can you stand boldly in the beauty of who you are?
Don't shrink.
Don't sell out so 'they' will love you.
Stop choosing the tempting path of darkness just because 'everyone else is', be fucking brave enough to follow the calling that only you can follow.
March forward, protect your magic, & choose love.
The world is waiting for you.
Shine on.
Pic: the ever inspiring @thetrapwitch

This weekend has been abnormally intense in emotions. It's been all of it, & my heart is the rawest it's ever been. I'm grateful. Heart broken. Trusting. Humbled. A little 'shakin' in my boots scared'. I'm all of it. & I'm still willing, filled with humility, & more open to surrender than ever before.
Self care today looks like -- burning man shopping.
One step & then the next.

Healing is not a linear journey; & although the clouds have parted, & I find myself spending zero time looking back, there are days that the heart that beats within my rib cage lets me know that she is not done healing.
These days it's been beautiful; life is brighter than it ever has been, I'm connected deeper to self than ever before. I'm laughing harder, loving deeper, & feeling overall more magic than I've ever experienced.
Rising has been the single greatest feeling I have ever had the privilege of experiencing.
I'm touched these days, to my very core -- I'm often rendered totally speechless at the synchronicity of the humans I meet, the conversations I have & the gems of magic flowing through my life.
I'm humbled, I really am.
I'm not looking back, I'm not festering in anger or remorse -- I feel genuine gratitude for my path, my lessons, & my future.
But there are still the days that the repercussions of this massive forest fire hit me like a fucking tun of bricks, & I fall to my knees, & I cannot help but weep.
I'm not weeping for any other reason than the fact that in this moment my heart hurts.
It's the hallway of hell -- the world between worlds -- it's magic, & beautiful, & dark, & painful all at once.
Today has been so hard.
1760 stairs + one long hill, & a whole lot of emotional processing. Nothing is taking away the pain, but that's ok.
The pain is just the process, it's the teacher, & it's ok.
It's ok to feel the shadow.
It's ok not to always be ok.
It's ok to cry until there are no more tears.
This picture helps today, because I snapped this selfie 13 days ago when another wave of cloud parting hit my life (it was the 2nd wave of grace & cloud parting since the forest fire); & you know, it helps to remember the moments that life is so, so sweet because these are the sweet moments that become the light when days are dark.
Im in the darkness,
in surrender,
trusting the process, & taking the next best step.
Slow & steady.

august 8th.
today is a little strange for me.
maybe this date will always be strange, maybe not - who knows.
today my heart feels achy & sore.
it's also filled with gratitude & humility;
it's a strange balance.
it's so strange, this life; so strange how we think we know the trajectory, & then the forest of our lives catches ablaze, & it all burns. it all changes.
it was like a landslide for me; it was like i was in my life on top of the mountains, so close to the heavens, but the ground shook, & the cracked foundation broke into a million pieces, & before my eyes my life slid to total nothingness... or so it felt.
that landslide nearly took me out; nearly swept me away into the rubble & destruction.
that landslide of my life came too close to tearing my heart out completely & breaking it into an unfixable mess.
since the land slide slid & took with it every fucking ounce of illusion, & since the forest fire has ceased her hot & all consuming, destructive burn,
I have been left with something very interesting... I have been left in total nakedness, complete vulnerability, deep surrender, & a heart that beats more fully for each passing moment.
I have been left with a joy that I have never felt... all on my own.
This joy is not because I'm being saved or loved from the outside, this is the joy that has been generated from the inner workings of my heart -- this is the real shit.
I have been left with a type of gratitude I simply cannot explain.
I am more open & more hopeful than ever.
I have been to the fucking depths of darkness -- my dark night of the soul was a damn long haul -- & it nearly took me out, but it didn't.
It didn't!
I am so humbled.
So grateful.
So filled to the brim of my capacity to feel with humility.
I am naked in this burnt down forest, I am naked, & raw, & so open to the cosmos.
I am changed because of this.
It was the hardest thing I've ever been through, but I chose the light, & I am new because of it. & for that, I feel such humility & gratitude.
august 8th; a reminder that life has a sweet plan for my soul, that may not match my human-imposed-agenda.
august 8th; a reminder that life is beautiful.

These two brothers of mine; my fav men on the planet.
#familyfirst

Most Popular Instagram Hashtags