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Kels Kodanko  A sexy, fun bitch who just bought you a PIÑATA! @strictly_platonic_

For the first year of sobriety I felt like I was living on borrowed time. I was confident in my sobriety but it felt like that confidence and willingness could disappear at any moment and I’d be back to white-knuckling this disease. But the last couple of months, I’ve really started to settle in to the idea that I might actually get to keep this thing. This second chance. So I’ve been trying to examine what works for me in sobriety and what doesn’t. One thing that I know for sure, and I’ve known for a while now, is that I don’t believe in fear-based sobriety.
During my borrowed-time phase, I had good and bad days like anybody else. But any day that I wasn’t drunk or dead was more than good enough for me. I was (am!) so damn happy just to be here. Every day is full body, mind and soul overwhelming gratitude. Having a life that I value and want to hold onto is what keeps me sober. It isn’t god, it isn’t a program, it isn’t fear of consequence. It’s happiness and gratitude (and beating myself over the head with the idea that I deserve them until I believe it). But not believing in fear-based sobriety doesn’t mean that I’m not afraid – I’m scared shitless. Every time I remember that red wine tastes good or have a dream that I’m drunk or think about what my life could look like again if I relapse, I experience moments of fleeting panic. I don’t ever want to go back to the miserable place that was my addiction, where I was a fuckng ghost, killing myself and my loved ones slowly. So in those moments of panic I have to get back on solid ground by reminding myself that nobody can take this away from me but me. And then I continue to cultivate a life that I fucking love, even on the worst days.
Other things that help: community, transparency, mindfulness, helping other addicts and keeping this conversation going. So if you’re reading this, THANK YOU! Thanks for helping me get here and stay here.

This little fox turns 4 today ❤️

It’s illegal not to selfie in this bathroom.

We decided we needed to do our spirit animal overlays at work. After taking a hard pass on my online quiz result (butterfly??? Are you fucking kidding me?) the guys decided on my true spirit animal: dumpster cat. I am 100% here for the attitude and like 50% here for the hygiene.

Anything can be work appropriate if you put on a blazer. Literally, anything.

My best friend somehow managed to raise offspring even cooler than he is. They came up for the weekend to see Modest Mouse and let me follow them around I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH PLEASE COME BACK

0.00% BAC BABY. TODAY AND EVERY DAY for the last 15 months. I remember (twice) walking into the ER for detox help and blowing a .28, thinking I would be dead before I saw a day like this ever again. So this is hilarious, but it's also amazing and I'm so lucky. Life is the coolest.

Finally got to go to the State Penitentiary today and I loved it so much it almost made my creepy little heart stop. Idaho is real good but this might be my new favorite part.

I came home the other day and this riddle was left anonymously on my doorstep. A lot of people would probably be bothered by this but that tiny vial right there is full of literal human baby teeth so this is basically the closest thing I'm ever going to get to a love note, I think. Why am I like this?

This summer I saw my first sunrise unimpeded by mountains, which is really strange to think about. I saw it because I was on top of a mountain. I drove there. There was a road.

You might not be a redneck if you think that is actually a baked potato.

Last week at the agency I work for, I got to produce my first custom typeface, then shoot and edit our new team headshots (see ^above^***). This week I have to build a website based largely around a cartoon duck wearing a 90's bucket hat. Soooooo they ain't all W's. But they mostly are.

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