“It happened in June. In the beginning, my whole family was there. I vented out to them, and we cried and laughed and talked about my dad- together. After the 40 day waiting period, however, they had to go on with their lives. Everyone was still lost and in grief, but they had to return to their jobs, schools, etc.
Every time, someone expresses themselves, or cries about something, people say "stop crying, be strong". But allowing yourself to feel and cry it out, I've always believed that that's what strength is. However, for some reason, I still didn't let myself get anything out. I stopped trusting people and I put myself in this really dark place. I had some problems with a few of my classes and this girl went like, “Why don’t you ask your dad to talk to the admin?". I just stood quietly, I didn’t even say anything. For a long time, nobody in school even knew about it. I never knew how to bring it up. Maybe subconsciously I thought that if I kept it in, maybe it wouldn't be final, maybe it could still be a dream. When you say things, everything just gets so real and I didn't want it to be.
I tried for so long to keep myself together, to let life go on, or keep myself distracted. I joined most of the societies, tried new sports, did whatever I could to keep myself busy. But when I’d go home, I’d feel so empty, like there's this huge weight on me.
When your heart gets so heavy, the only way to undo it slowly, is to let out your emotions, instead of running away from them. Recently, I’ve been in conversations with people so I tell them, and I feel lighter. I allow myself to feel and not put on an act; I don't go to plans when i don't want to anymore. And sometimes, when everything gets too much, instead of faking a smile, I just let myself be, even if I'm sitting in silence.
With time, I've realised that you don't have to always keep up with the world. Go on your own pace and you'll be okay." (1/2)