In close relationships there may always be ruptures which arise in the field of lovers and friends. When we take the risk of allowing another to matter and open to them, a call is sent out to the lost ones of the inner family, an invitation to return home.
Relationship has an uncanny ability to illuminate parts of ourselves we have lost touch with – orphans and emissaries of our unlived lives. As wisdom-guides they remind us of the two great relational fears of being abandoned or overwhelmed by the other. We’re just not sure if we want to take that kind of risk again.
Eventually we may discover that the “other” is not only those fellow travelers we meet, but an “inner other” who also longs to be known, held, and to be a part of the love story of our lives. This “other” yearns more than anything for intimacy, to no longer be shut out, to enter into union with us exactly as we are.
The lost sadness, the disallowed joy, the unmet rage, the repressed grief. The barely remembered peace, the dissociated despair, the forgotten beauty. These ones are alive and will continue their journey to find us. They will never give up and will continue to take form as our lovers, family members, and friends, including those who irritate us the most.
The invitation of the beloved is to step fully into the crucible of relationship where we no longer limit the mystery of love’s expression, resisting the temptation to have love conform to our requirements. And open to the reality that the purpose of relationship is not to provide consistent feelings of safety, certainty, connection, and validation.
The beloved has not come to confirm what we think love is but rather to introduce us to the creative terrain of the unknown and to the poetic depth of our own hearts. To reintroduce us to soul figures who have become lost along the way.
As we reunite with these ones and allow them safe passage, we remove the burden from the external other to take care of this sacred task for us, which was never theirs to carry. They are able to return it to us, as the ultimate act of love, where it will be safe enough for them now to come closer.