It's not always pretty, it is not always easy! Breaking old habbits is hard to & it won't always been smooth sailing, but I'll god damn keep trying, that's all we do in this game, try, & we remember consistency by trying, is key. So, day 4 of trying something new. does it look like im finding it easy? Maybe. has it been hard? YES! Am i worried about the time I might "go back to old habits" - & binge on the regs just like I've always done post before,even though some post show "ways of trying" worked for a bit, they have not planned out the way I'd have liked them to, HENCE my reasons for again, TRYING something new. which for me seems to currently be going well, as I believe setting a new goal of macro tracking and playing with nutritious foods is giving me something to have fun with & to focus on, as I'm in a bit of limbo as to when my next show or shoot is. However it still took me reading a post, to make me realise that having a few chocolates for example isn't going to kill me, but does it scare me - YES, did I think it would trigger a binge. YES, did I test it anyway? YES 😈 this time I am proud to say, I had a few & left it at a few - for me this is a huge step
Was it hard making my self rest instead of guilt training like before going back properly 5 days after a show. yes, again something I'm not used to, usually straight back in the day after killing my self.
Is it weird trying not to care so much that I'm no longer "stage lean" & holding a little water for this photo shoot I have tomorrow with @grphotography - what are people going to think of my body? It's really weird, but I've been so kind to my self, that's all that matters right? Slighty WRONG in my mind, but I'm making my self be kind & will remain this way - FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT RIGHT, but I'm liking the results, no serious rebound, cravings are satisfied, the high cals are a bit scary, but you've got to keep trusting your coach right & I'll be honest, I'm in the best mental mind set I've ever been in post show, I'm lucky to have a safe place - a group chat with some amazing people, sage, parisa, emilia & amazing family support, now let's just keep trying, that always works