It never gets any easier-
Here is the story of how my mother passed.
You see, my mum was in pain, mentally, physically & emotionally, she had been through so much, she held on strong through life.
My mum had many health problems, epilepsy, bipolar, paranoid schizophrenia, and a hernia, she suffered depression when she lost her partner Robert a year before she reunited with him💔
My mum meant the world to me, but pain killers meant a lot to her, for a moment I thought she would be here forever, for seconds I believed the pain killers were helping her😓
My mum was on a lot of medication I used to tell her “please stop taking them, I’m scared I’ll lose you” she would tell me “I’ll be okay” 😪
At times my mum would tell me “what are you going to do if I die” and I’d tell her “don’t say that, you’ll speak it upon yourself”
I remember when she came to stay, as she lived away from me & my twin, id sneak into her room and I’d wake her up with a hug and a kiss and I’d tell her “I love you mummy” an she would laugh because I’d scare her when waking her up❤️ She would go for a smoke & I’d follow her, I sat indoors on the chair while she smoked with the door open, we would talk for hours, I remember she told me the star in the sky was Robert, I’d smile⭐️ On that fateful day, my mother had been taking a pain killer called “Gabapentin” (when taken they don’t kick in for hours) she had been taking too many thinking they wasn’t working
she was getting ready to go out that night, but she took gabapentin again, after already taking many, my mothers blood pressure lowered, she fell asleep forever on the 9th of September 2015💔
Be careful with any kind of medication especially gabapentin, my mother died alone and I beat myself up for it to this day, I blamed myself for awhile
What if “I could of taken that medication off her”
What if “I was there, I could of brought her back”
What if “she had listened to me when I told her I’m worried about her taking all that medication”
But nothing I think or do now will ever bring her back
These days, I want to chase my dreams, to make her proud so she can rest peacefully, knowing I’m happy, but I’ll never be happy without her❤