“I’ll never forget my first sexual experience. I was thirteen years old. I met up with an older boy who went to a different school. He picked me up in his old beater car and we went for a drive, pulling over on the side of the road in an industrial area to swig back some drinks and puff on a joint. My head spun and my body relaxed. I liked the feeling. Every bit of tension slipped from me, leaving me feeling warm and cozy.
With the alcohol and weed pumping through our blood, our hormones took over. We ended up in the back seat with my pants on the floor.
Are we going to have sex? I wondered, as if it was a decision I had no say in.
He slipped his finger inside me, and a shooting pain ran up through my entire body. I thought this was supposed to feel good, but it was far from pleasurable. I dared not express the pain my body was feeling for fear of disappointing him.
I closed my eyes and endured the probing, even forcing a moan every now and then, mimicking what I’d seen in porn as a sign of pleasure. This was what men liked, right?
After what felt like an eternity, he stopped and relief flooded over my body.
I sat awkwardly, naked from the waist down in the backseat of the car as he proceeded to tell me he wasn’t looking for anything serious or a relationship of any kind. I listened to his words but felt awkward sitting naked and exposed. I put on a brave face, but everything inside me collapsed. I dishonored my true feelings and agreed that I too wasn’t looking for
those things. Nothing could have been further from the truth.” Excerpt From
Self Approved™ - A guide to accepting, loving and expressing the person you truly are.
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