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joyfaithlove joyfaithlove

685 posts   19810 followers   265 followings

⠀⠀joy⠀|⠀25⠀|⠀infj personality  ⠀⠀🍓 ⠀🍓 ⠀🍓 ⠀🍓 ⠀🍓 ⠀🍓 ⠀🍓 ⠀🍓 ⠀⠀I love Jesus, walls decked in fairylights, ⠀⠀singing on roadtrips and typing lots of ⠀⠀paragraphs filled with love.

More strawberries!! 🍓

I've been drawing alot to distract myself from the fact my mental health has gone downhill lately. I have started adding backgrounds to my quirky lady drawings and this is a cute one I coloured in tonight while I was on the phone to my Granny in Scotland! I love drawing strawberries!! 🍓

Someone requested an updated picture of my dog bob (Dads stuffed beagle that we consider part of the family, who identifies more as a human than a dog) We have a voice, a storyline and everything for him. I have a fear of dogs in real life, so Bob is the only one in the world that won't make me cry. He also went on the plane with me to Sydney. Put up with my sweaty palms through out all the clouds we bumped over. He always asks for jasmine fresh fabric softner before I put him in the washing machine, so most of the time he smells like fresh bed sheets. His ear fell off in the wash last month and he was deaf for a few days. Kept yelling 'What was that? Huh!' but I stitched it back on and we good now. Most people don't get Bob or can only tolerate him for short periods of time but my love for Bob is more important than meeting other peoples short attention span for humour and jokes. I should have had my own puppet show (adults only though, because my sense of humour is too x rated for the children and bugger off and bitch are part of bobs vocabulary) ps. His eyesight is fine, he just wanted to look aesthetically pleasing for instagram 🐶

Guess who went ginger!! Hello Merida from the pixar film Brave! Feeling like a true scottish stereotype now!! Actually loving it way more than I thought I would! My hair matches the time of year too, call me pumpkin head!! 🎃🦊🥕

This post feels so hard for me to write but it's the truth. This is where my head is at and I find healing in being raw and real. I don't think I want to live in new zealand anymore. It has been a long 15 years of isolation, rejection, heartache, loneliness and overall bad times. I miss my childhood, my homeland and my family. I haven't saw any of them in 15 years!! I keep holding onto life out here, in hope that a church will want me to be part of it. I hold onto hope that maybe a guy over here will like me enough and maybe if I'm lucky I will have a family to spend christmas with every december. But it's just too lonely now and each day I feel myself becoming more and more depressed. Living out here has definitely developed my character and mental endurance but I just feel so empty and like I don't belong here. The feeling never goes away as much as I would like it to. It feels like all mum and I go through is disappointment after disappointment and daily life shouldn't be this bad. We deserve to be embraced and surrounded by people who love us without us needing to beg them to want us. I crave the embrace of family and support and I just don't have that out here. I have absolutely no money to fly back home and I'm not thrilled about it but I know living here feeling like this is not Gods best for me. Prayers would be appreciated because if God really has a plan for me here, it needs to open up soon because I'm about ready to hop on a one way ticket back to where I came from. I feel like it was a mistake moving over here and I could kick myself for all the years I have wasted, in false hope that maybe one day it will feel like home. I feel emotionally drained and like I am wasted potential sitting on a shelf out here. I always imagined returning back to scotland with my husband and kids, happy and a success story. But sometimes your childhood dreams don't come true and sometimes you arrive home with tears of sadness rather than joy. While I feel my days here have been wasted, God has a way of turning my mess into a powerful message and maybe one day I won't feel as unwanted and alone as I do right now. 🍓

Make it happen. Go out and be who you want be. Don't let anyone or any negative thought, trick you into believing that you cannot have the things your heart desires. You are the flower, not the dirt and in the end it will be you who will rise from the ground. There is too much failure mentality going around, for a world full of so many gifted and important people. It's a whole lot of lies to believe that who you are and where you are today, could never change, grow or develop into something far greater. Tomorrow starts today. You add the richness to your own life, when you realise you are in fact not the piece of **** you always thought you were. Sometimes I think we create insecurities in our heads because we are intimidated by the greatness within us. The kind of greatness we fear we could never reach or add up to. It's not true. You can be that amazing person you imagine and dream and wish to be in your head; because right now reading this, you already are that person. You just need to believe in yourself more. *my little message to myself and anyone else who needs it* 🍓

The truth is, your greatest ministry will most likely come out of your greatest hurt and what a powerful ministry that will be. I'm thankful for my battles, they have made me more interesting, relatable and compassionate. Along the way, my struggles have developed into my strengths and what was once broken within me, has turned into a platform for me to mend the broken parts in others. I may be a long way from the top but I need to remind myself I am also a long way from the bottom. Greater things are coming my way and greater days are ahead of me. 🍓

Today I said goodbye to someone who was very special to me. She was the first kiwi I ever knew growing up and was the reason we moved to new zealand. I still remember the look on her face when we surprised her at church the week we had arrived in Whakatane. Immigrating was hard but it was a little less upsetting having a smiling Tracy around. Her spirit a kaleidoscope of colours, with a laugh so melodic it was a song. So many of my happiest and dearest memories are wrapped up in this woman. I grew up playing hide & seek with her kids on the farm. I'll never forget this one easter sunday, when she gave us bowls of icecream covered in chocolate sauce for breakfast or that time on my 14th birthday when we went bowling in Tauranga and instead of taking the turn off home for Whakatane, her and mum were so caught up chatting that we ended up driving to Rotorua. She was my youth pastor. We would rock out to kingston albums after youth group on a friday night and dance around the church like crazy. She took me to getsmart youth conference every year in that good old faithful green van. Four hours roadtrip in a van full of hyped up teenagers. She let me have 'A Kiss Goodbye' gigs once a month on a saturday night with the youth because it filled my life with joy. She always encouraged my crushes on band boys with flippy emo fringes and saw the carefree side of me being a boy obsessed teenager. She was an atmosphere changer. An encourager. One who pulled the gifts out of you. Always dancing up the front when I was worship leading, to break the chains & let her spirit free. Her wardrobe as bright as her smile. But Tracy was more than smiles and giggles, she was the true epitome of the meaning of joy. My favourite ribbon to dance with, was her purple one that she blessed me with and now whenever I dance with it, I like to think I will be dancing with a piece of her. It warmed my heart to see the picture on her funeral order, was one I took a few years ago when she popped up to my house & let me do her makeup. Today was the hardest & my heart breaks but I know I can always find her in the lyrics of the songs we used to sing and the praises we used to bring. I love you Tracy x

I feel like my whole life has been spent observing the lives of other people, feeling like I have no part to play for myself. Sure I can look back and remember singing in school productions, dancing in theaters and leading worship at my church on sundays, but I feel like non of it ever took me anywhere beyond that. My teachers at school used to tell my mum I daydreamed in class alot, it used to bother me until one day I realised I probably did gaze out the window more often than the other children. I love the depth of my vivid imagination but sometimes I feel like my dreams only ever remain dreams. I have this whole other world inside my head just screaming to be let out and I don't know how. Dreaming is wonderful but it gets overwhelming and crowded in my head when they build up and never get to see daylight. I know this is a trait of my personality and listening to other INFJ's share their thoughts on youtube has really brought to light some of my deeper issues. I feel like Kate Winslet's character in that film The Holiday when the old man tells her she needs to starting playing the leading lady in her own damn life!! It feels as if God has given me such greater potential that I feel too intimidated to play the role he created me for. I have always had this ache to be more and be greater and make greatness happen, it just feels scary when I'm comfortable in my introverted cloud of thoughts and ideas. In real life people don't say the lines, you imagine them saying in your head. In real life the guy doesn't like you back, like he does in the film in your head. In real life an adventure to another city or country isn't half as exciting as I am when I imagine it in my head. I guess I have this expectation to be the person I am in my head and when I fail to be her, I beat myself up for not making all the things happen. If anyone else is an INFJ personality type or relates to how I feel, message me because I would love to chat about this! ❤️🍓

My hair is now as red as a cherry and I freakin love it!! My white pillow case is totally stained red from sleeping on it but it's worth it!! 🍓🍒

I am a strong believer in the idea that when you trust in the Lord, he will lead you to the places you need to be and to the sights he wants you to see. I know this to be true because it has been proven in my life in the past year. I used to be drawn to people and get continuously crushed and disappointed when they didn't want to know me back but I have learned that sometimes you just have to let it be. After letting go of toxic friendships and imaginary relationships in my head, with crushes that only ever made me feel unwelcome and unwanted, I have found that God has drawn better matched people into my life. Sure I may not have a hundred friends but I have made about five really good ones in the past year. I may still be single but I have learned when to let go of a fantasy in my head and really trust my gutt when someone isn't right for me. I'm really happy with the person I am becoming. I still get excited and enthusiastic over people I admire or care about but I no longer let it make me feel I am nothing without their validation. I have finally seen who I am in a spiritual mirror and learned to love the person smiling back at me. I can't believe I'm saying this but I am really proud of myself this year. I have overcome so much and I still have more year left to face more stuff and feel the liberation of kicking fear and burdens in the face. Please be encouraged by this, that you too can overcome. That you too can learn when to let go of people who only ever make you feel worthless. That you too will discover beautiful friendships that pull the creativity out of your soul and paint the colours onto paper. Let your hope not be crushed because you are deserving of happy days, greater love and you are destined for far greater than yesterdays heartache. Let hope be ignited in your heart today, afterall depression, anxiety and sadness are all just in your head.. it doesn't change who you are in spirit. You are a Joy. Even on your bad days God still labels you as purposed, gifted and triumphant. Don't let your thoughts beat you down so much that you forget who you truly are deep down. Great things are going to happen for you and for me, so hold onto hope. 🍓

Sending my kisses to anyone who didn't get kissed today! 🍓

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