part 3 - (me by @haley_brinkerhoff)
in time, i took myself into a space of complete darkness. nothing felt real, nothing felt right. i was numbing myself with what i had told myself i loved and what i had thought loved me. i played tricks with myself to cover the pain i was feeling. as days would pass, the more empty i would feel. over and over again, i’d have dark dreams about my current situation that would trigger me when i would wake. one day, i woke up in tears knowing in my heart that it was the last day i would allow myself to feel all these things. if not, i would end up in an even darker space than i was already. i woke up with sense of hope for myself, and the smallest amount of strength to do what i knew what right for me. i had to allow it all to end in order to truly heal my whole self so that i could come back to life again. emotions i had never felt before or even knew existed took over. it triggered every part of me. i allowed myself to let go of something that wasn’t meant for me. i allowed myself to release it and let it heal in its own time. i watched myself day in and day out struggle through what felt like was an emotional roller coaster. in different moments i would feel my strongest and weakest self. in some moments i would feel hatred and love. i allowed myself to feel everything that came to the surface. i allowed myself to let those feelings and emotions pass through me as i forced myself to not hold onto them. i accepted everything for what it was. for the first time in what felt like a long time, i started to come back to life. i felt my power light up in me and that flame began to burn deeply.