jordenkeith jordenkeith

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Jorden  LA/NYC -

happy birthday to my B. you are an angel on earth. i love u the most @isabella

part 4 - (me by @haley_brinkerhoff)
the flame began to spread. the light began to peak. every part of me began to slowly feel its power and control again. i began to regain my strength, it felt foreign. i started to remember my value and my worth. i forced myself to break down and remove the lies i repeatedly told myself over and over again. i began to feel my power rise through every inch of me. i started to feel my light within me again. i forced myself to release everything this chapter had put me through. i forced myself to disconnect and remove that energy from me completely. it didn’t serve me. it wasn’t right for me. it wasn’t meant for me. my body began to shake. chills covered every part of of me. i started to scream while feeling the energetic release of the last little bit of what i was holding onto. i let go completely, soon to discover a feeling i’d never be able to put into words. this feeling and energy began to expose the real me, my personal truth and purpose within me. i felt everything come to the surface from deep within me and i felt it dissipate. a calmness and overwhelming sense of peace overcame me. i am free again.

part 3 - (me by @haley_brinkerhoff)

in time, i took myself into a space of complete darkness. nothing felt real, nothing felt right. i was numbing myself with what i had told myself i loved and what i had thought loved me. i played tricks with myself to cover the pain i was feeling. as days would pass, the more empty i would feel. over and over again, i’d have dark dreams about my current situation that would trigger me when i would wake. one day, i woke up in tears knowing in my heart that it was the last day i would allow myself to feel all these things. if not, i would end up in an even darker space than i was already. i woke up with sense of hope for myself, and the smallest amount of strength to do what i knew what right for me. i had to allow it all to end in order to truly heal my whole self so that i could come back to life again. emotions i had never felt before or even knew existed took over. it triggered every part of me. i allowed myself to let go of something that wasn’t meant for me. i allowed myself to release it and let it heal in its own time. i watched myself day in and day out struggle through what felt like was an emotional roller coaster. in different moments i would feel my strongest and weakest self. in some moments i would feel hatred and love. i allowed myself to feel everything that came to the surface. i allowed myself to let those feelings and emotions pass through me as i forced myself to not hold onto them. i accepted everything for what it was. for the first time in what felt like a long time, i started to come back to life. i felt my power light up in me and that flame began to burn deeply.

part 2 - (me by @haley_brinkerhoff)
in time, it began to become tunnel vision. it consumed me in every possible way. i slowly began to feel blinded. i would allow myself to see and feel only the things i knew i wanted to see and feel. while covering and hiding the things i knew in my heart were not right for me. i hid them away in the place where i had concealed everything else inside me growing up. it began to feel like an internal war. subconsciously i gave my power and control to another. i felt empty. i allowed myself to remove the boundaries i set for myself going into this. i allowed myself to let another take control of my feelings and emotions. i allowed myself to return to old mental patterns and the habits of my past that i lived with for so long. i allowed myself to feel weak again. i allowed my mind to only see what i felt were my imperfections and the things which made me less of a human. i allowed myself to feel insecure again. i allowed my mind to only focus upon the imperfections i had made up in my head. i allowed comparing myself to others and a dark energy to come into my mind and space. which led me to feeling worthless and not enough again. i was weak and it began to push me back down to the place i had recently overcome, or so i thought. i put myself in the headspace of needing to be altered. it became my obsession again. i made myself believe that everything i had become was not right and not enough. i became at war with myself and only myself yet again.

part 1 of 4 - (me by @haley_brinkerhoff)
it felt like i came into this world for the first time all over again. vulnerable and innocent, stepping into an unknown space and energy i’ve never felt or embraced before, while allowing myself to completely remove the mask i put on for more than half my life. the weight i held and carried within myself suddenly disappeared and this overwhelming feeling of peace filled me in every crevice. moments felt like the visions i’ve held in my mind and fantasized. i began to look at myself in a perspective of which i never thought i would reach or attain.. my body felt beautiful.. my energy felt weightless.. my perspective on this current space and time felt endless.. i was free. the love i began to develop and nurture for myself commenced to overflow and to heal every part of me. i began to realize the growth i, myself as energy, was evolving in. i allowed myself to be completely open to the world around me for the first time in 24 years. i gravitated to something that was foreign to me. my heart began to love in a way i experienced only in my dreams. i gave myself permission to love. i gave myself permission to feel the unknown. i gave myself permission to open my heart to another and to love unconditionally. i gave myself permission to be free with my feelings and i allowed myself to truly hold what i’ve desired and feared.

lay your cards out @wolfiecindy

one of the most special photos i’ve ever taken. @nicolaannepeltz for @voguemagazine

self portrait series

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