johnniejoyblue johnniejoyblue

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Johnnie Joy  Well, what had happened was... FTM 💉 12.29.16 #johnniejoyweekly Theatrical & Performance Art Stage Manager

I don't have a photo of my beloved Jonny Keys, so here's one of his best friend flying his sign. This one's for you, Jonny. I miss you so much already. I can still feel your love and friendship. May you find peace in my heart cuz that's where you'll be forever.
#ripjonnykeys #takentoosoon #mrjonnykeys #missyou

Week 29.
This week I had to cancel meetings, battle my way thru others, and reschedule my 6 month photoshoot all due to a series of anxiety attacks and sudden boughts of dark depression. Fortunately I experience these symptoms significantly less frequently since I started hormone therapy. However, these days, these dark days, are a frightening reality for me as I heal. Can't get the healin' started till you get the gunk out! And super gross gunk it is. I would never ask someone to love me thru this messy process. But she does. She knows some days the best love is sitting silently behind me. She trusts, like I do, that this won't last. And that is the truest, best love.
I'm a lucky fuckin guy and I know it.
Special thanks to Lady Drew Blood for the vest. Its comfort came at a time of need.
#johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transition #testosterone #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #queer #lovewins

Week 28.
When I was 3 I watched Mary Lou Retton win the Gold with a broken ankle and started flipping off the banisters. My parents decided I should learn how to fall and put me in competitive gymnastics until I was 10.
My mother was also a concert pianist and taught me from the earliest age. I was a driven, straight-A student and the eldest child of a highly-regarded young evangelical pastor, which meant I was constantly in the spot light. I learned my performance face early; was recognized in public and told to smile for strangers; lived under the strict scrutiny of my mom and coaches, one of whom screamed at me for crying after slipping and taking the horse to my diaphragm. "Control yourself." Control. Focus. Even if you're blacking out.
My entire existence became about keeping all things under absolute lockdown, but the only way to do that is to limit yourself in all the ways that an imperfection might reveal itself. I forced myself to become understated, quiet and closed off so I could be in a position to control what people knew about me and experienced of me. Long story short, it all fucked me up.
This week I'm becoming aware of the possibility that this "limiting" of myself in order to hide my imperfections and differences might be making my heart sad and my mind frustrated. Problem is...this is all I know. I'm pretty scared of what releasing control might look like.
#johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transition #testosterone #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #queer #lovewins

From @jarrodtakle - Cubelings: part 2 #montrealcompletementcirque

From @ray.writes - AND MY FRIDAY IS MADE! Anti-trans Initiative 1552 will NOT be on the ballot!! This means we will continue to be protected under Washington state's anti-discrimination law and our human rights will NOT be up for a vote! #daymade #fuckyeahfriday #wejustneedtopee #fucktransphobia #transisbeautiful #NoOnI1552 #nonbinary #transpride

Week 27.
I got a lot of shit growing up for being the sporty girl who would rather lift weights and play ball than do things other girls do (I still don't really know what that entails). Not all of it was malicious teasing but all of it contributed to my believing that what I was and what I wanted were entirely abnormal and some people were even mad about it. My parents never tried to dissuade my energy but it wasn't until I found the weight room that I truly felt like the sole voice over my body. I spent hours in the gym for years feeding each muscle group, burning in anger and spite. I never saw huge gains and always saw it as a place to simply be angry and work it out.
A friend told me this week that what I'm seeing now was always there, it was just missing a tiny component. I was always me, this; this belongs to me. As my body grows and changes my shape appears to me like the blooming fruit that appears in a charred forest after a wildfire. Unexpected and appreciated. Foreign and understood. What the fire doesn't burn away will be stronger than ever.
#johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transition #testosterone #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #queer #lovewins

5am shift after 8 shows and load out got me like... #butiaintmad #sotired #nomathtoday #feeltheburn #stagemanagement

Week 25.
This year was my first Trans Pride. I gotta say, the eyes thru which I see transgender and genderqueer people are entirely, profoundly different this year. Before I worked up the courage to ask myself the painfully difficult question of my actual gender, I was not the most accepting or understanding person to my people. In fact, in a past life I spoke out against them, tried to help people be free of "the sin of homosexuality", treated them as if they had a curable disease. I was afraid of what I didn't understand and I hurt a lot of people by acting on someone else's word rather than my own experiences. And here I am now: 6 months on T and a genderfuck if there ever was one. And here I am healthy, happy and renewed instead of angry, anxious and depressed. All it took was the courage to ask myself if I was wrong or misinformed.
Indeed I was. I was very wrong and it haunts me daily. But I'm adding pride to the daily mix. I'm adding gratitude to the daily mix. And now I do my best to seek out understanding instead of fear and embrace welcome wisdom when I'm wrong, because the light on the other side of ignorance reveals the deepest beauty of our world. The beauty of the gray.
#johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transition #testosterone #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #queer #lovewins #transpride

We braved the Seattle Center just to see @misscaela206 perform and I'm so glad we did! Such a fun performance and Jesus, that girl can sing. Shout out to RB's permagrin 😁

#seattlePRIDE #seattlepridefest #caelabailey #gospelofthegutterqueen #talentedfriends #mainstage #goodvibes

Got my pride and my joy right here. Feelin' mighty grateful to those whose work and sacrifice came before us and allowed us the opportunity to be married equally, to be seen publicly, and to love freely. Happy PRIDE!!! #seattlePRIDE #pride #seattlecenter #gayassqueers #queermarriage #lovethiswoman #wife

2 queerdos in the park being weirdos playing the 1970's smash hit tabletop game: The Pollination Game. While Pride celebrations ensue around us.
#happypride #weproudeveryday #weirdqueers #cutequeers #capitolhillpride #introvertsoutside #friends

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