About 4 years difference.
Photo on the left, hopeless alcoholic. In and out of jails, rehabs and psych wards for the previous 8 years. Recently hospitalized for suicide attempt. Didn’t want to be alive. Too cowardly to leave no questions with a suicide. I had passed rock bottom a long time ago and kept the peddle floored with reckless abandoned that it could only be classified as clinically insane. -
Picture on the right.
Still battle PTSD episodes but fight instead of coward into the bottom of a bottle. Proud of the progress I’ve made but also feel like I haven’t done a damn thing. Continually working on my “internal dialogue.” That dialogue has been engrained over years and takes diligent work to change. Grateful for life, even the dark times. -
I hear people say “I’m going to work on myself for awhile.” Intrigued by this, I ask what they’re actually doing differently. Often it’s nothing. They think being out of a relationship for a little bit or whatever the case may be is “working on themselves,” often to have behavior repeated because there’s been no actual work done. It’s the same thing as someone getting on a fad diet or highly restrictive diet. Sure, they initially loose weight but, without fail, always gain that weight back because they weren’t willing to put in the work for long term, sustainable lifestyle. -
Here’s some things that have helped me change thought patterns, personal beliefs and behaviors; * Write down your character “flaws” or “shortcomings.” Next to those, write how it impacts your life (relationships, self-esteem, ambitions). List these in order from most problematic to least. Start working on one at a time, recognizing when these behaviors come up and changing them and/or making amends.
* Write a daily gratitude list. 5 things you’re grateful for. It can be as simple as clean water to drink.
* Look up cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). It’s what most therapy and/or “self help” gurus preach. Cliff notes, it’s about recognizing thoughts that are destructive and changing that into something constructive or challenging that thought. * Meditate. Don’t give me this shit “i tried once and I’m terrible.” It’s a practice.