I spent the day of my birthday alone in Austin, Texas. I did that by choice. I felt a need to escape, to be in my head but out of home. Not everything of the day went according to plan, partly due to the fact I didn't have a permanent-Sharpie sketched blueprint for my birthday. I began with an astounding lower body workout at @gymoneinc, where this picture was taken. I was surprised at just how good a workout I had. After that, my day wound around like a winding, curving road, similar to the ones I drove on the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road in New Zealand. I remember a point in the day I began to feel anxiety & frustration because the day's events weren't matching my mind's vision for my birthday. I had to forcibly loosen my grip on the steering wheel, take deep breaths, remind myself I have choices no matter the type of road I travel, & accept the choices I make. I can change lanes, drive myself into a ditch, stop on the shoulder & wait for traffic & weather to clear, or follow the bends of asphalt. I chose to bend with the bends.
🖤 The last two days since my trip have been a rough & tough tumble, my heart & brain thumping and clattering in a whirlwind of depression & sadness like clothes in a permanent press cycle of a dryer. I had to stop the madness. So I accepted I was struggling. Admitted it. I began writing a new short story. I pushed words out of me as if I were giving birth. I heaved & moaned, cried & groaned, sighed & zoned. Then I talked to a close friend, went to sleep, woke up today, did cardio & took a shower to run off & wash off the pain of the last two yesterdays. I applied glitter eyeshadow & purple lipstick, wriggled into my favorite jeans, packed my food and packed my computer bag, & entered the living world.
🖤 Just now, I finished writing that short story. Five pages & 1,600 words later, I managed to write a partially true & partially false piece of fiction from a first-person point of view that I feel suitable for my Thursday submission deadline.
🖤 I don't always understand how my brain creates its works or how my heart determines which rhythm to beat. I am just glad they do & don't drive me into a ditch.