I was so excited to get my carpets cleaned i felt like i was adulting way hard but as I was moving back my furniture to my bedroom I felt the nerve pain in my back that is all to familiar. I crippled over and fell to the ground. This felt worse then it had in 9 years. My phone was halfway across the room. I drugged myself like an inchworm across a damp wet carpet. I lay cold and wet, shaking knowing none of my roommates would be home that night. Alone. Scared. Through deep sobs I called my friend Katy who without hesitation stated she was near to my house and would be there in 10 mins. I tried to deny help several times stating i don’t know what she would do for me. I struggle with inconveniencing others but I knew I needed help. A feeling I despise. I am the helper in the world that I created. I’m the one who is “supposed” to come to others rescue. I felt it earlier in the day the nerve running down my leg. I heard the voice in my head “sit down” but another voice was louder “just get everything done and then you can relax” this is the voice I hear a lot. But what is funny is I’ve come to realize “everything” is never done. There is always something else. It’s time to listen when our bodies say rest. I had to surrender and allow Katy to help me do everything, pee, get dressed, let my dog out, get me food, water...The voice in my head screamed “burden” but Katy’s gentle spirit of service and love proved otherwise. She spent the night by my side. I didn’t have to be alone, i just had to ask. My Nana believed in angels, she had her home filled with figurines of the heavenly beings. I know last night my angel showed up with pain meds and salve. 2018 my word I have chosen is brave: yesterday I began to practice what that looks like. Sometimes it is not loud and audacious sometimes it’s asking for help in gentle cries and allowing others into a space of vulnerability.