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Jillian Zamora  My lil photo diary of life as a wedding photog, Christ follower, wife to an artist, mom to #myJuniperClementine because danggit I like remembering.

She has grown up so much in the past few months that at times I forget that sometimes even big, independent three-year-olds that compulsively tell you “I do it myself!”
just
need
their
momma
too.

Honored to be her safe place for her big feelings + frustrations (although sometimes I don’t feel honored until AFTER the fact, not gonna lie)
her resting place after the storm passes
her forever home base
her momma.

#myjuniperclementine

I think I need him close as much as he needs me close, if I’m honest.

#myjonescedar

Impromptu Sunday hugs // 12 days of Jones

#myjonescedar #myjuniperclementine

When I look at the picture of three-day-old Jones I see him sleeping in the bassinet I, and all the rest of my siblings, slept in as newborns too. Wearing the now almost threadbare nightgown both my little brothers wore as infants 27 and 18 years before Jones was born. With two gifts my dear friend Yandi brought us — the bear in Jones’ tiny hand (knitted and sold by @cassiearnoldart for the sole purpose of raising funds to reunite the families separated at the border 💛) and the flowers that Yandi arranged herself (!!) — gifts she dropped off on two separate occasions because that’s who she is and she can’t stop giving thoughtful gifts because it’s how she loves and she has so much love (literally she dropped off a bag of diapers this morning too, y’all). And I see that little half grin on that precious face that I can’t stop stroking every chance I get because I don’t ever want to forget how soft his days-old cheeks are. Yup. Feeling so many feels.

#myjonescedar

It was such a healing morning for me and June. A morning and afternoon of play and trust and normalcy for the first extended period of time since Jones was born. She kept saying “I love you, momma.” Or “I love playing with you/helping you, momma.” Oh we both needed this day together, she and I. Baby brother slept right through most of it. It was the first day I felt like maybe I was actually going to be able to do this whole mom-to-two thing.
Also James says he looks goofy in this photo but the reason is because Juniper is in this stage where sometimes her love comes out gentle and other times it comes out more in the form of an attack and here James is bracing because he doesn’t know which form he’s about to get. 😂

Photo taken by @allisonharp on Jones’ due date, when he was 4-days-old
#myjuniperclementine

I’m only showered/dressed/wearing makeup because Jones had his PKU appointment this morning (hair is totally just the curl leftover from my braids yesterday - BRAIDS FTW). Because, let’s be real, I only got like 5 hours of sleep MAX last night. Gave my boy his first bath this morning. Also he got his first solly wrap experience because he wouldn’t let me put him down to get ready so I stuck him in the wrap and he immediately melted right off to sleep. I loaded up his diaper bag and car seat, all set to arrive *right* on time for his appointment, got out to the porch only to realize that James and I hadn’t planned very well with the car situation because Jones’ car seat base was with him at school. Oops. Called and got the appointment rescheduled and then just took a moment on the porch to soak in this crisp November morning with my baby snuggled up in my most favorite place for him to be — cozy and asleep on my chest. I have dreamed of this moment for a long time. Totally still counting this morning as a win.
#myjonescedar

It’s a better world with you in it, Jonesy.

#myjonescedar

My momma.
I couldn’t help but cry when she went home yesterday after staying with us for the past week since Jones’ birth day. She had been an additional line of defense for us — for me, James, Juniper and especially Jones — and I felt so very vulnerable watching her leave. And when I say line of defense I don’t JUST mean in the amount of diapers she changed or the extra hours of sleep she allowed me to catch up on or the water bottles she brought to my bedside so I’d remember to hydrate during midnight nursing sessions, but as I recount in Jones’ car birth story (that I shared in my insta stories today), this woman helped my son take his first breaths in this world. Like, when the EMTs were finished taking care of me and Jones they handed my mom an alcohol wipe to get the blood off her face from when she used her own mouth to help suction fluid out of Jones’ mouth and nose before the ambulance arrived. When she got in the car to follow the ambulance to the hospital she realized she couldn’t see very well — it’s because her glasses were smudged with blood (and gosh . . . who knows what else . . . I’m SO SORRY, mom.) It’s not every day that you get to see the true depth of love that a mother and grandmother holds, but we saw hers in the birth of my son. Thank you forever and ever, mom.
#myjonescedar

I looked at my mom and asked “Isn’t it crazy that just a few days ago I looked at this picture and saw my entire family? And now I don’t?” Maternity photo by @jwdanielsphoto
Hospital photo by @asacredproject
P.s. I’ve decided that (like any journalism major) I need a deadline in writing out Jones’ unexpected birth story and have decided I’ll have it ready to share by his one week birthday (Tuesday). Of course I may only get like six collective hours of sleep between now and then so SOMETIMES DEADLINES CHANGE 😂 but that’s my goal 👍

“Bye-bye, baby brother,” she whispered as she handed him his bear and then kissed his hand on her way out the door to church this morning with dad 💛
I told her this morning that she has the sweetest heart and she asked “What’s a sweet heart?” And I explained that she was loving and kind and generous. It certainly hasn’t been without ups and downs, pushes and pulls, strong moments and weak moments for Juniper (or myself) transitioning from single child to big sister over the past five days, and I know there will be more of that in the days to come as well, but I’m proud of my girl for her heart in it all.
#myjuniperclementine #myjonescedar

Happy due date, my boy. You’ve been with us four whole days now, Jones Cedar.

We landed on the name Jones because it had been at the top of our “J boy name list” for years (my family has done the all J name thing for four generations now and I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to end that streak!). We originally thought we’d go with a family name for your middle name but one day the name Cedar just hit me and I couldn’t stop loving it. I have always loved the way Scripture speaks of cedars as mighty (and of juniper trees as a tree of blessing) and enjoy praying for you and your big sister to be rooted deeply in Truth, like trees planted beside water that send out their roots by the stream and do not fear when heat comes, for their leaves remain green, and are not anxious in the year of drought, for they do not cease to bear fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8) Oh! And also I grew up on Cedar Lane so that added extra bonus points too. 🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲 “The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭92:12-15‬ ‭
#myjonescedar

We’ve been settling in at home for the past 24 hours (and oh my goodness isn’t home the very, very best?) but here’s one of my favorites from Jones’ first day that I can’t-stop-won’t-stop smiling at.
(This post brought to you by 1 AM nursing session👍)
#myjonescedar

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