just reminiscing about roots. the birth of this book was painful and immense. what you don’t know about writers, is that when we write about our trauma, we don’t just write it once. we need to reread what we’ve written, not only until we feel that it’s perfect and depicts the situation to its deservance, but to edit it, pick it apart, and to decide if it’s something we want our readers to know about our lives. we relive that trauma every. single. time. and when you dedicate your book to your trauma as a whole — you subject yourself to a lot of hurt. roots took me two years to write because of this. it’s also a very big reason why i’m unable to do spoken word — and i commend those who do it, because i can’t even read my work to myself without triggering a ptsd related episode. however, as much as writing roots has hurt me, it’s the only way i know how to grow. it’s the only method of recovery i’ve ever used since i was first admitted to the hospital after my suicide attempt. this is a craft of not only pain, but of immense healing and much needed self reflection as well. i’ve been working on the extended edition for months now, trying to perfect my authors note and toying around with new elements to add to roots — it’s taking me so long because i’ve fell in love with the craft again, and i want to show that to my readers who’ve followed me on my journey since Pulchritude and Soul, (and my new ones too) that i appreciate them as much as i do the art of writing itself. you allow me to pursue this relentlessly. your support, your love, your push to do better — has shoved me over the edge of comfortability and thrusted me into a space where i only wish to be vulnerable when i am alone with my pen. where i only wish to be truthful, raw and never complacent with the norms of poetry nowadays (see @wide.eyes.publishing for more details 💀) this is the only vessel that allows me to heal. this is the only community that uplifts and inspires me to uplift as well. so much good has come out of writing. poetry. and reliving this pain — has been worth it, as and its evolution has only created closure. love. and healing. so thank you. as you can see i’ve been in my bag.