jasmikayla jasmikayla

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Jasmine Choong  Diamond in the rough; - If you wanna break these walls down, you're gonna get bruised

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Looking in the mirror realising you no longer recognise yourself, you've placed yourself in a position that you've never thought that you would.
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You start detesting and blaming yourself, asking the reason why over and over again without ever having an answer. You asked yourself for alternatives, a way out but soon realise.. you're stuck where you are because that's the only way you can feel.. that's the only way you can survive.
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When mistakes are made, usually the hardest place to find forgiveness is within yourself. Every night you lay your head on a tear soaked pillow, hoping you'll drift off to sleep. Every morning you wake up with tears streaming down your face hoping the day would already come to an end.
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This becomes a daily ritual.. you tell yourself everything is worth it, because eventually everything will be ok but you start asking yourself again.. how much longer? To what means?
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You're in pain but yet you're still where you are. At days you're ok, at days you're not. Maybe you're addicted to the sadness it brings maybe you're used to the pain. Slowly you die a little inside and part of your world turns grey and you know even if you venture out.. that part of your world will always be grey.
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Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being in that position, forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Forgive yourself for being addicted to the sadness and pain. Forgive yourself for letting that part of you die. .
Because end of the day, when everything comes to an end. The only person standing in front of the mirror is you, if you can't forgive and love yourself. Even if your body is trembling in fear, your hands are cold, hold up your head. Look at the person in the mirror that's staring right back at you.. Smile.. and forgive.
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#forgive #forgiveyourself #latenightthoughts #thoughts #thoughtsoutloud #melancholy #youcanbefixed #youarestrongerthanyouthink #loveyourself #diamondintherough

- During the darkest hour, the brightest star shines.
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I was told, the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears, the eyes tell more than words could ever say but how often are we able to see what others' hide behind those eyes?
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There's so much one wants to tell but yet circumstances forbids one to. For the kind hearts, even at their most painful moments they think of others before they say anything. They tend to think of the other person at the receiving end before themselves and after much contemplation, they decide to swallow their words along with the pain.
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Keeping silent doesn't necessary mean that they don't feel or don't care, they do.. in fact they care and feel too much which is why they've decided to keep everything in, slowly bottling up until they start suffocating.
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Contradictories in life makes it harder for words to be told and decisions to be made. Whatever the decision, whatever the choice, as long as you stay true to your heart you will not regret.
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The melancholy will not dim the spark within you.
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#thoughtsoutloud #thoughts #strongerthanyouthink #youcanbefixed #motivateyourself #throwback #magicalnight #reminiscing #melancholy #diamondintherough

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What kind of stories are there behind a smile? How many tears have been shed? How much pain is there behind those eyes?
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A smile seems to take every single effort you have to put on, a simple "I'm fine" weighs heavier than a ton because deep inside you're struggling. A simple respond sounds too much like a lie but the more you believe in that lie, maybe.. just maybe you'll be able to believe it yourself for the time being.
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Some things in life cannot be explained or understood in a logical manner because not everything is 1 + 1 = 2. .
In this complicated world, things can never be as simple as it used to be when you were 5. The innocence, the purity, slowly corrupted by events in life and eventually, certain things in life kills you a little by little inside and soon you've lost what was once there, never able to find it again. At 5, all you need to do is cry but now, all you can do is cry. .
Yet those tears does not reflect how weak you are, those solitary nights where you swallow your tears are the exact reflection of how strong you are. How independent you can be, taking a pit stop letting out the emotions then gear up and carry on.
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One day, you'll bury those stories so deep that you might not even remember half of it and those tears you've shed will become the fuel to push you further in life than you've ever been. Eventually you will mean every smile you don and the "I'm fine" that you say.
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Only during the darkest night can the brightest star shine and during that dark period of your life, you'll realise the potential and how brightly you can shine.
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- love yourself.. even your flaws. You might be broken or damage but as long as you're still alive you'll be able to shine in an amazing way.
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#latenightthoughts #thoughts #blessingindisguise #youarestrongerthenyouthink #loveyourself #shine #brokenanddamaged #youllbeamazing #smile #stories #hidden #painbehindthesmile #painbehindtheseeyes #youcanbefixed #thoughtsoutloud #hanginthere

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Sometimes it's not about being able to fall asleep, it's about the kind of emotions you'll wake up to.
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Anxiety might stem from not knowing when and how you'll be able to find the smile you've lost. Yet you know you'll have to face the day even if you wake up with a heavy weight or empty void in your chest.
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But no.. you're not gonna throw in the towel and give up, no matter how tempting that thought is. You'll try to occupy yourself, you'll try to find distractions. For better or worst, you might even end up doing things you're not proud of. Forgive yourself, because you're doing anything to stay alive. You're finding your own way to cope with whatever that's thrown to you.
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"Wake me up when everything ends" Tempting.. but no it won't happen, you'll have to go through the daily cycle of waking up to the unknown. No matter what stage of life you're at or what you're going through, the fact that you're still waking up daily is a sign of how strong you are and deep inside, you know you'll make it. You'll find what you've lost.
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The ability to wake up knowing that everything is ok, waking up with a smile on your face. That would be a blessing, starting the day with a smile and one day you'll wake up with a smile not knowing why. That's when you know you've found the smile you've lost.
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#latenightthoughts #motivation #youcanbefixed #strongerthanyouthink #thoughts #thoughtsoutloud #motivateyourself #hanginthere

It hurts me to see someone I love deeply stepping on a destructive path. It used to be us against the world, now it's us individually stepping out taking our own paths.
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I will always be thinking and worrying about you. But I know we'll both make it out there in this big world.
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I can only wish one day you'll see it and take my advice, it pains me to see you doing this to yourself but no matter what happens I'll always believe in you, what you really are and even if the whole world is against you, you know I'll always have your back.
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This is probably goodbye, please take care. If you need me, you know where to find me. Take care bubs.. and goodbye for now, until our lives cross path and meet again.

Today marks the last day of the birthday weekend.. It didn't turn out the way I thought it would at the beginning of the year but it didn't get as bad as I thought it would 2 months ago.
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Yes, it was still undeniably painful but I still walked slowly through it. Adding in this year, it's 5 years of shitty birthday. 2017, 28th birthday.. Might be the worst I've experienced. As how a friend like to say, I've received two big "fxking whoops" as birthday present this year. Importantly.. I've made it through.
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I can't deny how I still wish it would happened the way I had in mind. But as of now, it would only happen in my own "little world". This weekend marked a milestone I've achieved for myself. The next big milestone would probably be 2 weeks away. By hook or by crook I'll survive this. Because I'm me, because I'm Jas and I know I have it in me. Like how you believe in me. Thank you for everything and you've been nothing less than amazing.
I still miss you. But I'll be just fine.
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#roadofrecovery #astepatatime #milestoneachieved #yourestillamazing #illbejustfine #thankyou

You've always wanted to see me in dark hair and I've always thought of trying it out. Today I've finally done it but you'll probably never see it.
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This also marks the day I start walking on my path of recovery. Changing my life a step at a time. I'll be better than ever before. No matter how long have passed I still miss you and I'll always love you. .
Our lives will get better.. Slowly but surely.. A step at a time bubs.. .
#change #astepatatime #roadofrecovery

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Throwback to the night I met up with a couple of old friends also the night I realised where my heart stand.
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Everything is still replaying clearly in my mind, felt like it was yesterday and it never should end.
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Took the leap of faith, deep into the pit I fell.
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Win big or go home they said. Took the gamble, placed the bet. Threw it all in and lost whatever's left.
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The heart screams as every thoughts and memories tugged on the heartstrings. Things were threw away at the highpoint, there was no gradual there was no fade.
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The heart and head cannot comprehend, on the sudden lost and the sudden pain.
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End of the day, here I stand. The only one reminiscing what was then.
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#thoughts #feels #poeticaf

Some people say, the course of your life has already been set when you were born.
Yet some says, how your life turns out depends on what and how you make of it.
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What if you've tried "challenging" fate and turn the course around multiple times but it never worked?
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Would you stop believing and start accepting it? Would you lose faith and hope in miracle?
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I'm still holding on to that little faith and hope that miracles do happen and now more than ever. Something or someone need to show me that miracles do exist. I should and I want to believe that.
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Because hope and faith.. that's something I don't want to lose and miracles are what lights up lives in the darkest time
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*Playlist on repeat*
I Still Wait For You - XYLø

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I once found a flame. Warm enough to chase away the cold, warm enough to melt the ice around my heart.
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Without much thought, I held it closer and closer to my heart. The flame was crackling, giving off signals on how it might burn me.
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Too indulged in the warm the flame gave off, I held it closer and closer. Reluctantly I got burnt and the flame fell to the ground, extinguishing. .
Smoke rises, sending memories of how the flame once warmed up that ice cold heart and soul. In the end, other then the memories of the warmth, all there's left is a heart with a burnt scar that will can never be removed.
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Unintentionally, the flame left an unremovable scar and a frozen heart.
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#latenightliterature #sleeplessthoughts #story #sleeplessnights #thoughts#tiredaf #feels #burntout

The mandatory CNY cousin shot after more then half a day of blackjack. Haut ah! Happy lunar new year! :D
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#cny #lunarnewyear #potd #ootd #chinesenewyear #red #hair #blackjack #extraangbaomoney #cousinselfie #cousins

Sometimes life "grows" like hair. When a part of it is starting to get "bad" trim it. If a huge chunk of it, in ur opinion is unsuitable to be kept around. Chop it off. And yes that's what I did. #2017 new year new start new hair :) Maybe I shld've gone to a salon instead.. stained myself all over with the red dye :|
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#backtored #red #redhair #redhead #firered #burnbabyburn #goodbyelonglocks #newyear #newyearnewstart #freshstart #bareface #chubface #freckles #eyebags #selfie #potd #lorealhaircolor #spicyred #ilovered :D

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