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jasmikayla jasmikayla

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Jasmine  During the darkest night, the brightest star emerges. - It's written in the scars We live, we love, we lie

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Set off on a new journey.. Remember what you had, what you have and what you will receive.
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Be the person you needed yesterday, be the person you can depend on today. Be the person you never thought you could be tomorrow.
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Step by step, day by day. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes you'll get there faster. Embark on a journey of self discovery because as each day passes you'll discover a new quality, a new strength, a new attribute that you never knew you had.
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You're an 'endless possibility' as long as you believe.
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#thoughts #thoughtsoutloud #loveyourself #journey #selfdiscovery #strongerthanyouthink #latenightthoughts #understandyourself #understandyourworth #believe #believeinyourself #bepatient #patience #motivateyourself

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Lies. when everything is just sugar coated lies.. it's funny how one claims on things and sticks by his words and promises but yet again and again you sense his slips. Maybe.. just maybe.. those words and promises he made in the first place are just lies. Perhaps like society puts it; Promises are meant to be broken, not kept.
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Probably that would explain why everything starts slipping. Believing takes strength.. trusting takes effort. When the strength and effort you've put in gets abused and under-appreciated, it gets so tiring you'll feel jaded from everything because if the most sincere person, that one person you believed and trusted the most betrayed you. You'll find it almost impossible to open up to anyone again.
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Betrayal hurts because it usually comes from the person you least expect. The person you love and trust the most. That's when you'll feel the cold heartless blades, slicing, puncturing your skin stab by stab leaving nothing but scars.
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Trust shouldn't be given, it should be earned. Giving it unconditionally will only lead to betrayal. You'll only end up looking like a fool getting trampled all over.
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Every betrayal will hit closer and closer to heart, every betrayal will push you deeper and deeper into your shell. The shell you've come to create to protect yourself and lastly with every betrayal, you'll eventually find it harder to open up to anyone. Eventually you'll talk less, you'll fear connection with people, you'll fear opening up and you'll fear trusting anyone. Because you wouldn't want to risk getting betrayed again.
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Once that is lost you'll end up closing yourself up, keeping everyone at arm's length. Because you'll never be able to trust anyone like you used to before. Every upcoming interaction would be kept superficial because trusting is no longer an option that is open. You've been let down one too many times
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The old 'you' is dead and that's a part of you that will never exist again
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Minute by minute, it took me time.
Letter by letter, it cut me line by line. It's written in the scars
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- #TheScript
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#writteninthescars #betrayal #betrayed #trust #believe #broken #trampled #superficial #thoughts #thoughtsoutloud #dead

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Some people enjoys adding fuel to the fire. They enjoy dumping rocks into your little garden where you're trying to declutter, finding all ways and means to make it harder for you to clear out negativity in your life seems to bring them joy.
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They won't bother to understand or help but claims that their actions are helping. When you decided you've had enough and want to isolate yourself to clear up your garden they'll come up with new ways to fuck you up.
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But listen to this. You don't have to let your progress be set back by these people. Ignore them if you can, cut them out if you must even if they're your family. Because all those negativity isn't gonna help you progress. Gather the rocks they've thrown because one day you'll be able to show them the tower you've built with those rocks.
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When you finally have a bit of achievement, they would come right around and tell the whole world they should be credited for your achievement. But no.. They don't deserve any credit for your efforts of fighting your war.
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Maybe one day.. you'll see from your high tower how fucked up their garden is and they were trying to load of their "rocks" on to yours.
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P.S. If you're feeling fucked up enough, you might want to throw those rocks back at them from your high tower because from that height, the impact will be greater. From that height if the rocks hit them, it'll hurt way more than when they threw it at you. You will be smirking and they will get served what they deserve because karma's at its finest in days to come.
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#latenightthoughts #thoughtsoutloud #karma #karmaisabitch #negativepeople #cutthemoff #strongerthanyouthink #staystrong

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Some actions can't be explained by words. Some decisions can't be rationalised.
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As the saying goes "the heart wants what the heart wants" some things are beyond your control, your brain might tell you to go left.. but eventually your heart still longs for the path to your right.
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Just like moth to a flame.. Some things are just laws of nature and can't be explained.
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Whichever makes you happy, do it. Some times whatever it is in life, setting out for something your heart longs even if it fails out you won't regret because you've tried.
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Don't let an outsider or anyone else tell you otherwise, don't let their words put you down. Don't let their doubts on your ability pull you back, if that's what your heart wants and that's what you want to set out to achieve. Take that step out, give yourself a push and believe in yourself.
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Be brave. Be kind to yourself, because whatever the result is, you know you've tried. You'll end up loving yourself for trying than hating yourself for not.
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*In your words I still trust, the believe still exist regardless.. sometimes connection's the reason for the faith regardless of the situation :)*
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#latenightthoughts #thoughtsoutloud #believe #trust #heartfeltwords #standtall #standbrave #theheartwantswhatitwants #theheartwantswhattheheartwants #youcanifyoutry #stepout #onestepatatime #bubble

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She overthinks. Her mind is her biggest enemy, coming up with hundreds of questions, scenarios and pain. Her mind is the demon that fuelled her anxiety and wrecked her emotions but she is strong. She lived on.
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Coexisting with the demon within her, she walks on.. carry on this journey alone. She cares and worries bout your well being, but she forces herself to drop those thoughts. She misses you fondly but she fights the urge to contact you. Simply because you need the time and space to yourself.
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She finds herself waking up in the day still not getting used to not hearing bout your day. She feels the connection but yet there's no communication. She tries to fill the void with other activities but something still feels like it's missing.
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She retreated back to her little comfort space not because she don't care but because she cares too much. She love herself enough to stop and take a breather, letting out all the emotions within her but she loves you more to endure this pain while you recover.
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She forgot who she is but she remember who she used to be, the girl that loved you intensely and that girl she still is..
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#thoughts #latenightthoughts #diamondintherough #melancholy #anxiety #stillmissyou #diamondintherough #overthinker #demons #loveyourself #thoughtsoutloud #throwback

Promises
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How many can keep their promises? Even if it's meant to do themselves good. Most human beings are weak willed, they succumb to temptations and forgot about promises.
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Yet the promises to the people that they've made to, still hold on to their words. Not because they are stupid, not because they are blind but solely because they believe in you, they believe that behind all those actions you still have it in you to fulfil that promise.
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Trust is a fragile thing, if someone can give you their trust unconditionally, it isn't an entitlement but a privilege. Don't break that trust by breaking the promise because broken promises will only become shackles that drags one down.
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The broken promises aren't just broken promises, you break a part of the person who trusted and believed in you. These broken promises brings about insecurities, doubts, anxiety and most importantly broken hearts. The trust is only there because they care, they believe you and most importantly it's because they love you.
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#promises #trust #latenightthoughts #thoughtsoutloud #thoughts #isitbroken #doubt #insecurities #anxiety

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Looking in the mirror realising you no longer recognise yourself, you've placed yourself in a position that you've never thought that you would.
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You start detesting and blaming yourself, asking the reason why over and over again without ever having an answer. You asked yourself for alternatives, a way out but soon realise.. you're stuck where you are because that's the only way you can feel.. that's the only way you can survive.
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When mistakes are made, usually the hardest place to find forgiveness is within yourself. Every night you lay your head on a tear soaked pillow, hoping you'll drift off to sleep. Every morning you wake up with tears streaming down your face hoping the day would already come to an end.
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This becomes a daily ritual.. you tell yourself everything is worth it, because eventually everything will be ok but you start asking yourself again.. how much longer? To what means?
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You're in pain but yet you're still where you are. At days you're ok, at days you're not. Maybe you're addicted to the sadness it brings maybe you're used to the pain. Slowly you die a little inside and part of your world turns grey and you know even if you venture out.. that part of your world will always be grey.
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Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being in that position, forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Forgive yourself for being addicted to the sadness and pain. Forgive yourself for letting that part of you die. .
Because end of the day, when everything comes to an end. The only person standing in front of the mirror is you, if you can't forgive and love yourself. Even if your body is trembling in fear, your hands are cold, hold up your head. Look at the person in the mirror that's staring right back at you.. Smile.. and forgive.
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#forgive #forgiveyourself #latenightthoughts #thoughts #thoughtsoutloud #melancholy #youcanbefixed #youarestrongerthanyouthink #loveyourself #diamondintherough

- During the darkest hour, the brightest star shines.
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I was told, the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears, the eyes tell more than words could ever say but how often are we able to see what others' hide behind those eyes?
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There's so much one wants to tell but yet circumstances forbids one to. For the kind hearts, even at their most painful moments they think of others before they say anything. They tend to think of the other person at the receiving end before themselves and after much contemplation, they decide to swallow their words along with the pain.
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Keeping silent doesn't necessary mean that they don't feel or don't care, they do.. in fact they care and feel too much which is why they've decided to keep everything in, slowly bottling up until they start suffocating.
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Contradictories in life makes it harder for words to be told and decisions to be made. Whatever the decision, whatever the choice, as long as you stay true to your heart you will not regret.
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The melancholy will not dim the spark within you.
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#thoughtsoutloud #thoughts #strongerthanyouthink #youcanbefixed #motivateyourself #throwback #magicalnight #reminiscing #melancholy #diamondintherough

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What kind of stories are there behind a smile? How many tears have been shed? How much pain is there behind those eyes?
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A smile seems to take every single effort you have to put on, a simple "I'm fine" weighs heavier than a ton because deep inside you're struggling. A simple respond sounds too much like a lie but the more you believe in that lie, maybe.. just maybe you'll be able to believe it yourself for the time being.
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Some things in life cannot be explained or understood in a logical manner because not everything is 1 + 1 = 2. .
In this complicated world, things can never be as simple as it used to be when you were 5. The innocence, the purity, slowly corrupted by events in life and eventually, certain things in life kills you a little by little inside and soon you've lost what was once there, never able to find it again. At 5, all you need to do is cry but now, all you can do is cry. .
Yet those tears does not reflect how weak you are, those solitary nights where you swallow your tears are the exact reflection of how strong you are. How independent you can be, taking a pit stop letting out the emotions then gear up and carry on.
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One day, you'll bury those stories so deep that you might not even remember half of it and those tears you've shed will become the fuel to push you further in life than you've ever been. Eventually you will mean every smile you don and the "I'm fine" that you say.
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Only during the darkest night can the brightest star shine and during that dark period of your life, you'll realise the potential and how brightly you can shine.
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- love yourself.. even your flaws. You might be broken or damage but as long as you're still alive you'll be able to shine in an amazing way.
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#latenightthoughts #thoughts #blessingindisguise #youarestrongerthenyouthink #loveyourself #shine #brokenanddamaged #youllbeamazing #smile #stories #hidden #painbehindthesmile #painbehindtheseeyes #youcanbefixed #thoughtsoutloud #hanginthere

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Sometimes it's not about being able to fall asleep, it's about the kind of emotions you'll wake up to.
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Anxiety might stem from not knowing when and how you'll be able to find the smile you've lost. Yet you know you'll have to face the day even if you wake up with a heavy weight or empty void in your chest.
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But no.. you're not gonna throw in the towel and give up, no matter how tempting that thought is. You'll try to occupy yourself, you'll try to find distractions. For better or worst, you might even end up doing things you're not proud of. Forgive yourself, because you're doing anything to stay alive. You're finding your own way to cope with whatever that's thrown to you.
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"Wake me up when everything ends" Tempting.. but no it won't happen, you'll have to go through the daily cycle of waking up to the unknown. No matter what stage of life you're at or what you're going through, the fact that you're still waking up daily is a sign of how strong you are and deep inside, you know you'll make it. You'll find what you've lost.
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The ability to wake up knowing that everything is ok, waking up with a smile on your face. That would be a blessing, starting the day with a smile and one day you'll wake up with a smile not knowing why. That's when you know you've found the smile you've lost.
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#latenightthoughts #motivation #youcanbefixed #strongerthanyouthink #thoughts #thoughtsoutloud #motivateyourself #hanginthere

It hurts me to see someone I love deeply stepping on a destructive path. It used to be us against the world, now it's us individually stepping out taking our own paths.
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I will always be thinking and worrying about you. But I know we'll both make it out there in this big world.
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I can only wish one day you'll see it and take my advice, it pains me to see you doing this to yourself but no matter what happens I'll always believe in you, what you really are and even if the whole world is against you, you know I'll always have your back.
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This is probably goodbye, please take care. If you need me, you know where to find me. Take care bubs.. and goodbye for now, until our lives cross path and meet again.

Today marks the last day of the birthday weekend.. It didn't turn out the way I thought it would at the beginning of the year but it didn't get as bad as I thought it would 2 months ago.
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Yes, it was still undeniably painful but I still walked slowly through it. Adding in this year, it's 5 years of shitty birthday. 2017, 28th birthday.. Might be the worst I've experienced. As how a friend like to say, I've received two big "fxking whoops" as birthday present this year. Importantly.. I've made it through.
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I can't deny how I still wish it would happened the way I had in mind. But as of now, it would only happen in my own "little world". This weekend marked a milestone I've achieved for myself. The next big milestone would probably be 2 weeks away. By hook or by crook I'll survive this. Because I'm me, because I'm Jas and I know I have it in me. Like how you believe in me. Thank you for everything and you've been nothing less than amazing.
I still miss you. But I'll be just fine.
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#roadofrecovery #astepatatime #milestoneachieved #yourestillamazing #illbejustfine #thankyou

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