i still have a hard time embracing life's colorful lights and abundance. i still have a hard time accepting that i am an intricate, complex being. i have a hard time admitting that inferiority starts outside and eats me up within - on my own watch. i filled notebooks on notebooks with poems and tears and scratches and love letters to my future self. so many ruined pages, so many golden ones. i know now that i'm better when i'm honest, and i'm honest when i'm creative. when i'm transparent. it's the only light i want to see myself in. it is time for me to start now and forever bask in the light i deserve to live in, and let others see me however they'd like. it doesn't really matter. only i really know me.