The picture on the LEFT: Me on this day 4 years ago. Taking a selfie while having a great time out with friends. It was a beautiful day and I was excited for some sunshine and fun with friends. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize that just several hours later my life would change. I would become a different person in some ways. I didn't even think anywhere in my head, that one of the people I was with, my best guy friend at the time would rape me that night.
The picture on the RIGHT: Me today, wet hair and all. The day is rainy and gloomy and fits my mood all too well. The first 3 years were the hardest in many ways. And over the last several months I had begun to get better. Thinking about it less and focusing more on staying out of the dark place where the events from 4 years ago live. Unfortunately I've come to realize as of last night that it's never so simple. I broke down while Kyle held me and I realized that I still have the same sick feeling and paranoia. Even just yesterday at work I glanced at a man that looked similar to Stephen and froze. I got so nervous, because he actually works not too far away from here, as far as I last knew. Anyway, I realized that I'm still trapped in this constant fear. Fear that I'll see him and not know whether I'll freak out or just run as far away as I can. I'm trying so hard, and I know I've come a long way, but feel like I still have so far to go. But as long as I have the support that I do, I know I can make it. I just have to keep pushing myself to not let him win. He already took a part of me that I can never get back, but I refuse to let him take it all. If you read all this, thank you. Thank you for caring. I please urge everyone to be aware that rape can happen to anyone at anytime by anyone, even your supposed best friend. And I learned in the worst way that people like that don't just do that kind of thing once... Because Stephen did it to another good girl friend of ours just a few months later...if you want to read more about my experience, I have a blog on Tumblr "mandapandasthoughts" is the name. Love you all ❤️❤️❤️ #rape #rapeculture #mystory #survivor #sexualassault