hellosplendidblog hellosplendidblog

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Jillian Warner  All the Feels Storyteller | Multicultural Mama | DIY Lover | Mom Guilt Survivor | Capturer of Joy | 📍San Diego ✉️jillian@hellosplendid.com

http://bit.ly/HelloSplendid

If you can read this...I have a fun and easy DIY Father's Day gift for ya over on Hello Splendid 😂🍺👌🏻(link in profile) which is pretty much guaranteed to make dad smile 😀 just add his favorite beer and you're all set! http://bit.ly/2qNiI31

#ad Just two more days and I should be back with my favorite little tornado of a human ❤️🙈❤️ I've got big plans for homemade play dough, sponge painting, eating our favorite pasta together and of course some laundry catch up. ICYMI I wrote a thing about Blake's most favorite activity of all with my friends from @clorox #clorox2 #newfoodnewstain http://bit.ly/2qAUSI3

Some VERY special visitors came by this weekend❤️ It was the first time Kayla and Blake were allowed to visit my actual hospital room. Kayla declared it the most amazing place ever! 😂 Blake was all too eager to push the buttons on the bed and naturally made an accidental call to the nurses station. We laughed, I blew up rubber gloves for them and hung the art Kayla brought around the room. The most amazing part was when Kayla opened her bag to reveal craft supplies and told me she was going to teach me to finger knit. It was one of those weird, amazing moments of role reversal and my heart felt so full and happy.
I'm here for a few more days doing round two of high dose chemo. We think there will be two more rounds of this and then, more than I have ever wished for anything in my life, other than my children to be okay, I hope that this works and I can go back to being their mother and being home with them ❤️❤️❤️

By giving myself a little bit of leeway, I immediately noticed I was happier. The part of me that truly enjoyed doing the small things, cooking dinner and surprising my kids with random cardboard creations came back ❤️ Fun mom came out of hibernation. I'm talking about a tiny change in perspective over on Hello Splendid (link in profile) http://bit.ly/2r8tEFd

#AD Everyone talks about the big milestones, but the truth is that the thousand tiny moments in between are where the biggest bonds and memories are created ❤️ I can’t tell you how many times in the past month I have wished to be home doing laundry with Blake.

Laundry is our thing. It's different with every child. With Kayla it was art. But for Blake and I, it's definitely laundry. I'm talking about how we bond over socks, throwing laundry around like a wild man 😬 and stains in partnership with @clorox (link in profile) http://bit.ly/2qAUSI3 #clorox2 #newfoodnewstain

Get your giggle on at lunch 😂 Made you a couple of DIY Kate Spade inspired lunch bags to start off the new week. Super easy to make and a really fun gift for a friend or coworker. Link in my bio for the other bag (it's a good one! ) and the simple instructions.

Felt SO darn good to tap into my creative side this week before heading back to the hospital. Weird to think you feel BETTER after chemo but I guess that just goes to show how bad I was feeling before it. It was like my brain felt unleashed for the first time in a while. I had a flood of ideas and managed to make and shoot three different projects the morning before heading back in for chemo round two. Sharing those soon! Thank you ALL for being so amazing and supporting me through this crazy fight❤️ http://bit.ly/2pLbk8H

Took a minute (or 5) to soak this in 💓 Watching miniature humans sleep never really gets old, does it? He had a nice little snore going too 😂
This week I head back in for round two. It's a more intense chemo, but also a much shorter hospital stay. So hopefully I'll get to come home to my tiny people in about a week.
Blake's preschool teacher just sent home the sweetest book she made of photos she has taken of him while I have been gone with lots of little finger paintings, encouraging messages and notes from all of the teachers. As if she doesn't have enough on her hands wrangling toddlers, maintaining a classroom and caring for her own child. I really could not ask for anything more than having so many people love on this little guy in my absence. ❤️❤️❤️

Back with my people ❤️🏠 It's temporary and only a matter of days before I'm back in the hospital for round two of this marathon fight. But damn, it feels good to be home. Tiny hands, squeezy hugs, crumbs everywhere, the chaos of the morning routine and school drop off. All through a slightly different lens than before.
I don't even know how to thank all of you for your well wishes, your check ins, the time out of your day just thinking of my family and so much more. I'm not even sure that there are words. But there is a feeling, when you feel your heart swell and tears well up in your eyes that perfectly embodies it. Thank you 💓 From our little family to yours.

You can take my hair, you can kill off my bone marrow, but apparently you can't take away my desire to be a little crafty❤️✂❤️️In a matter of about two seconds after my diagnosis, Craig rose to the occasion and became Super Dad. He has taken over all of my normal responsibilities in addition to working full time and doing everything he already does. I'm in awe of him and wanted to find a way to help him with our "new normal." My friends from Intel stepped in to give him an early Father's Day gift to make working from home in the mornings a bit easier for him. The timing could not have been more perfect and since he is not a man who wants for much, it felt really good to give him something he both wanted and needed. Of course the nurses here found me on the floor with craft supplies all around, determined to keep being Jillian 😬 and add a creative twist to my gift for Craig. You can see what I have been up to via the link in my bio. http://bit.ly/2pEQynM #GiftPC #Intel #ad

Because, Monday! Make yourself at home they said. Don't mind if I do ☕️💃🏻 Saturday marked a month of me being in the hospital. Le sigh.

A couple of weeks ago it occurred to me that what would make me SO happy would be to be able to make myself a cup of coffee in the morning. Just like I do at home every day in my normal life. So I jumped on Target.com 🎯and ordered a mini Keurig, K cups, etc. for store pickup and asked my dad to pick it all up. Good old dad!

The doctors and nurses that flow through here have laughed seeing my little coffee station. When you live the hospital life there are so many wonderful people to help you and basically do everything for you, but you pretty much give up control over most things in your life. Which is hard when you're used to doing everything for yourself.
And yeah, I have no idea what hospital policy is 😜 I've been told other people have had them in the past but I made a point not to ask if I could have one so no one had the chance to say no. Cuz I'm a coffee badass like that. 🙋🏻

Date night❤️ We shared a tray table for one. Ate contraband outside pasta from our favorite Italian restaurant, squeezed into my twin bed (let's test the 500 lb weight limit I said!) and snuggled up watching reruns of Undercover Boss, which of course I cried at. Because Undercover Boss has always had the ability to turn me into a puddle of emotional jelly.
The grandparents and my sisters have been amazing helpers on the weekends so we've managed to have a few of these date nights over the last month. They are that little dose of I-almost-feel-like-a-normal-person 💃🏻that make all the difference when you're experiencing the strangest time of your life. ❤️❤️❤️

Deep breath🙈 It's taken me a few days to work up the courage to share this. I was watching my hair fall out and then finally on Friday afternoon I took a shower and by the end of it a guinea pig size amount of hair had come out. It was undeniable that it was time.
My nurse and I both took some deep breaths and then he helped me trim my hair down and shaved my head. He has daughters and I think he was more upset for me than I was. We both had some tears, jokes and a big hug after❤️ I've had long hair my entire life so it feels vain to say it but this has been one of the hardest parts of this process. The bone marrow biopsies and spinal tap were physical pain which I could easily manage. Saying goodbye to my hair took an emotional toll that definitely hurt more. I think the part that I fear the most isn't an actual loss of hair but instantly being identified as sick.
I've tried on hats and scarves and so far they aren't for me. I feel silly in them. So for almost a week now I've just been walking the halls bald. Building up my courage to cope with how I am outside of this safe place where bald isn't so weird.
I'm sure it's different for everyone, but for me this is about learning to be comfortable with who I am no matter what that means. I'm not rushing to hide it or cover it up because I don't want to feel like I have to or that I have to be embarrassed. I think it's important for my daughter to see that. I wrote a post a while back about loving your hair (oh the irony!) but the same rules apply here. I'm the example. What I do and how I feel about myself will directly impact her own perception of herself in these formative years.
I'm not sure how I'll feel in a week, a month or a year but for now, this is me and I'm becoming okay with it. ❤️

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