heidiyogi heidiyogi

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Heidi Zoltak  ✌ woman, yogi, mom of 3, amputee, cancer survivor, human. @nectar ambassador ZOLT15 discount code Email: heidizoltak99@yahoo.com

https://issuu.com/w2wmichigan/docs/w2w_v7-i4_web/18

Update: I'm on day 5 here at U of M Hospital. My symptoms were no longer manageable at home so unfortunately I'll be here for awhile. We found out the Cancer has progressed with one of the tumors doubling in size (15cm) the past two weeks (also partially obstructing my kidney), and an infection in my belly making it impossible to continue with the immunotherapy right this minute. So the new plan...we are doing radiation to get these tumors to a manageable state and give my body a chance to reset. We are in disbelief how much has occurred this past month but we are on a continued mission to beat the shit out of this cancer that has invaded us so rampantly. We are still holding out hope that somewhere, somehow, I will be spared. I have too much living to do, dammit.
The outpouring of love and support has been so humbling and we want to thank each and every one of you. ❀

Today is 29 days into finding out about the Mucosal Melanoma cancer spread. I completed my second treatment yesterday and I'm visualizing this cancer being GONE. I've lost close to 30 pounds as we still struggle with nausea and pain, but it's in better control than two weeks ago. They placed a drain tube in my stomach so that the fluid build up and draining is more controlled.
We have palliative care nursing coming to the house so we have local in home support for pain management.

I am pretty weak, unable to walk unassisted and am almost 100% dependent on my husband and Chase to help with everything. This has been the hardest for us as a family. We are done trying to make sense out of this and we've switched gears to looking this monster in the face. Most days I spend in bed resting, taking meds, sleeping, trying to eat and just trying to keep focused on my new purpose....to fight.
Chris, the kids and I are so very thankful for every prayer, comment, wish, etc. Thank you for the meals, the cards, gifts. Thank you to our Mom's who have dropped their lives to help. To my boss and staff, who have been so supportive. We will continue to draw strength from all of you.
To all of you, please do one thing for me right this minute. Look around, count your blessings, be thankful for your health, freedom and ability to enjoy your summer. It can be snagged in an instant, and I just want you all to give yourself that gift.
Love to you.❀

These past two weeks have been unreal. We went from jetskiing, bonfiring, laughing, planning out our summer to hospitalizations, tumor fevers, biopsies, drain tubes, etc. This cancer is a beast and I had zero indication of tumors a month and a half ago and now I have 3 (2 in my abdomen and 1 in my liver) with the biggest tumor being 6cm. Scary stuff and it seems like some days this is a movie or story with some shock value, when in reality, this is now our life.
I had my first treatment yesterday. One down, 51 to go. Mucosal Melanoma doesn't respond generally to your standard chemo drugs, so we are doing immunotherapy, which is an infusion administered much like chemo. The combo they have me on is called Ipi/Nivo and I will be getting treatments every two weeks. Ipi and Nivo are two immune checkpoint inhibitors that β€œrelease the brakes” on the immune system, allowing it to mount a stronger and more effective attack against cancer. So pretty much they are putting my immune system on crack to fight this bastard.
The tumors and the fluid in my belly make me appear like I'm about 7 months pregnant. No clothes fit, I wear an abdominal binder to hold the belly for me so I can get around easier. I always wanted to know what it felt like to be Humpty Dumpty. Now I know. πŸ˜‚ Trying to find comfort amiss the fevers, inability to eat, and the belly pain has been our biggest obstacle. It's a new normal, and we are quite good at adapting, we just need a bit more time, I suppose.
By making this all public, we were hoping to rally the troops and gain support and we are just in awe and so very grateful by the love we've received. Β But there's a downside to going public. There seems to be a huge responsibility to answer thousands of questions, texts, comments that we just cannot keep up with. Our energy, right now, HAS to be directed towards fighting. Please do not take personally if we don't return your calls, texts, etc. Every minute I have right now is being used to get through to the next. I've had very few good days and I've been hospitalized many of the days since the dreaded day of July 1st when we received the news... (continued in comments)

Our July 4th weekend wasn't one of celebration. I ended up in the hospital with horrendous abdominal pain which revealed some really hard news for us. We are going to have a fight on our hands, the biggest fight yet. This cancer, Mucosal Melanoma, has spread into my stomach and liver and has knocked us down a couple of notches and we are just moving through the motions, overwhelmed, scared...everything expected. I've had many friends and family lost for words, they call just to cry with me and I want to share something. It's okay to not know what to say, sometimes silence is the only noise we need. We are speechless too. Love doesn't mean an organized lecture or speech or prayer. Love sometimes is just a presence. We feel the presence, THANK YOU❀❀❀❀❀ Keep it coming!

Cancer has stolen every last ounce of humility I have left. This disease has certainly flipped the script on me and I would have never anticipated lying here recovering again and encountering all this univited pain. I'm alive and I won't take that for granted, and I'm also surrounded by endless love and support. I'm going to share this and the reason I'm sharing this is some aren't quite as lucky. I'm not sure how people stay so strong through it all but I'm betting if you know someone fighting cancer, chances are they need you to remind them they aren't alone in their war. Don't wait...go do something...pick up the phone, throw a card in the mail, just go do something. No one deserves to do this alone.

Surgery went great and I'm feeling amazingly well! I'm thankful my body is getting really good at bouncing back post surgery. Feeling like a boss.✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻Next up, we wait on pathology results and hoping for clear margins, then scans again next month.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Thank you for all the massive love and support, it sure takes a village to stay strong in this. ❀❀ ------------
Cancer, you have no chance! πŸ˜ πŸ–•

Wander into the wilderness and you might just find yourself. πŸ˜ŽπŸŒΏπŸŒŠβ˜€β˜πŸπŸ˜ŽπŸŒΏπŸŒŠβ˜€β˜πŸ Sporting my newest @nectar garb.😎 Swipe left....even Guinness 🐢 loves them πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. These sunnies are made for the free thinkers and the risk takers AND each purchase helps repopulate the bees through www.thebeecause.org 🐝🐝 seems like a no brainer. 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝 Use my discount ZOLT15 and save the bees!
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Happy International Yoga Day! Today I celebrate the perceptional change my yoga practice has brought into my life. For without these props, I'm not sure where I'd be spiritually and emotionally. Yoga has proven to me the concept of mind over matter and has taught me life skills and coping mechanisms that can't quite be described in words. It is much more than pretty pics, bikini clad handstands and commercialism. It is a practice of surrendering, dropping expectations and judgments, it's about the mess, the admittance of imperfection within, the falling and the rising, and the acceptance of self. Because of yoga, I've unlearned unhealthy ways and relearned healthy ways to love and be loved.
Thank you, yoga! #eventhoijustmentionedjudgmentwhatthehellisgoingonwithmyhair πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€”

"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it" .............
I'm guilty. Very guilty. I've let some of my recent circumstances take over my body. I'm tired. Surgeries have taken a toll, but I've also played a part in letting them. My mental strength is failing me lately and I'm scared of that. I met with my good friend, Jen @jsesti yesterday...fitness trainer, yogi, pushy friendπŸ˜†, ocd cleaner of floors and smeller of dirty feet....she kicked me in the ass HUGE yesterday and I needed it. She knew I needed it and she doesn't want to see me succumb to the BS. I have another surgery Friday. And this one will take me down again, but I have every intention of not allowing this to own me. I'm better than that. People tell me, "well, you have an excuse". No I don't. Excuses are fucking useless, they make us weak. Don't let people make excuses for you. And please DO NOT make excuses for yourself either! It is so harmful to our souls. Learn this from me. Whether it's surgery, injury, your leg not fitting, a break up, depression, cancer, illness....MOVE!!! Every day we are alive is a day to move...it's a day to choose not to be swallowed up.
Jen @jsesti , thank you for yesterday. I've pushed you away continuously and you've fought like mad to stay involved in my life. I needed that reset. Thank you, my friend.

My son came home yesterday and was discussing popularity at school. I get it. We all would love to fit in to someone else's idea of appealing. We all crave attention, acceptance...after all, we are human. But I'm crushed that he wants to change his heart to fit in a box. His heart is beautiful and seeing the societal norms take him over is so hard. I had no answers for him. All I could do is share my own experiences. I described how uncool losing my leg was...how my body has changed drastically from never ending surgeries so I don't look a certain way, how I fight every day to just love myself and to be as kind and as good as I can allow myself and how some days it's really hard because I compare myself to others, but some days I feel like a damn warrior. How it takes a continuous lifetime of inner work and determination to love ourselves and how the whole world never at any point loves the whole world. How we can't please them all, or inhabit every characteristic that everyone adores. I shared how I try to connect, to understand and to always help the little man, to smile at angry people and to spread love. I shared, too, how some days I look in the mirror and nitpick all the things I wish I could change about me but that it's okay to love me the way I am and that for every thing I can find I don't love about myself, there is something else that I do love about myself. I shared that being human means being unokay, that we all struggle and that ultimately we all want to be loved...even the cool kids, and that some of those cool kids arent who you think they are because they aren't authentically being cool. That many of them are pretending to be someone they are not. That popularity doesn't equate to worthiness. That beauty is defined by the intimate being utilizing all their senses. I described how "fitting in" is a way to dull your uniqueness and "fitting out" might be a way to become more noticeable amongst the sheep. All the things I wish I would have known at his age...I shared with him.

Had a blast sharing a bit of my story on CK105.5 today guest hosting the morning show. ❀ #mucosalmelanoma #fuckyoucancer

Jumping into this weekend like ... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life is so chaotic. There is good and bad that we all encounter. While I find myself feeling anxious about another upcoming cancer surgery, I can't help but feel empowered by my every moment I feel good and healthy. There's this constant pull...we feel good, but have reservations...we feel excited, but dread something that lurks upon us. Not one of us is exempt from these emotions. Its called LIFE. Not knowing our future is the greatest life motivator. So, go out and press on, focus on the good...it is there. It may be in your blind spot but it is up to you to autofocus on what you choose.

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