Today, I had a morning--the kind that starts with chaos and threatens to color the whole day. I was driving my youngest to kinder when I received the call, "Mom, today is my field trip-- you signed up to chaperone. You're coming, right? You don't have to but it will be fun." I checked my iPhone calendar-- it was littered with appointments & reminders of things to do and places to go. There were seven items to do but not one said, "8:00AM: Chaperone Beckham's field trip." My stomach hurt.
Then, as if my oldest had a sensor attached to her head, my phone beeped signaling another call, "Mom, you never filled out my picture order form. I need it now and it's not where you said it was!" I was trying to help that situation along while trying to remember where I placed the form and did I write the check? Actually, had I ordered more checks? Did I sign Ivy's reading log, walk the dog, turn the thermostat down, brush my teeth...? Ivy started making noise from the backseat because kids have superpowers. I am a "sooooo mean, mommy," because I (also) failed to set up a play date for after school that she claims was promised (wasn't). It was 7:45AM and I was near tears. I hadn't had my coffee yet.
My phone started ringing again-- more questions, more, "MOM!" My head started pounding and I started sweating. Let it begin-- the mom guilt. Often, the winning emotion of motherhood.
It can happen anytime but it usually happens just when you THINK you have your shit together. In an instant though, you will learn that in fact, you do not have your shit together. And, this is where it can get hairy, because once you've messed up a few things, you start making things up that you could be doing better. It's silly, but we're talented that way. 🙃
After I decided to forgive myself and hunt down some coffee and chat with a sweet friend, she told me she felt the same way last night, it was done and the day was LOVELY again.
I cancelled things that could wait, I dropped off a completed form and check to school, and then drove north to meet my son and his class. I still don't have my shit together, but that's okay. I'll try again another day.