three years ago on this day i got help for my mental illnesses.
three days ago on this day i was able to actually feel like I could breath and that I could start loving myself.
// i'm not going to say how i am always happy now or how everything immediately got better, and that I haven't had bad days since then. it was only three months ago that i had my most recent self harm though.
when you ask for help it doesn't get better right away, it takes time. there has to be time for you to make the change of starting to love and live for yourself. at first it was hard, as everything is hard at first. i had to change my sleep schedule from sleeping all day to sleeping only seven to eight hours. i had to change my exercise and eating schedule from minimum exercise and rarely eating to a good exercise plan and eating regularly and healthy. i had to change my environment completely, from washing all of my bedsheets and clothes to feel clean and new, to a different, new, bright coloured paint that wasn't a dark colour. i had to change my habits from self harming ones - sleeping all day, hurting myself, putting myself down - to self loving ones - making art/music, talking to myself positively, et cetera.
i was hospitalized for two weeks at a mental hospital to help me get better. there I learned I wasn't alone in this fight, that others were going through similar pain, and that if they could do it, I could, too. I learned about my illnesses and how to cope with them and how to get past them instead of just pushing it to the side and trying to forget about them. I learned about my triggers and about the things that would help me and what things have me the feeling of happiness. I learned about my emotions and how to handle them. I learned about being confident with my body and that a healthy body makes a healthy mind. I learned about my sexuality and gender identity and that being me is the best thing in the world. I learned these things through the nurses and psychologists, but, most importantly, I learned these things through the other people that were there with me.
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