I’ve thought long and hard about this & a decision has been made. After going back & forth, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really don’t want to compete anymore. Does this mean I’m done forever? Honestly, I have no idea..but for right now it’s not something that’ll add value to my life.
Guys..I’ve been so damn happy all year just living my life to the fullest. I finally learned to love my body without shreds, I’m no longer food obsessed, my relationship + friendships are doing better than ever, & I’ve just grown so much as a person. I look back to who I was last year & I don’t even recognize myself. I was lost, sad, had no emotion, & my life revolved around competing. I’m not saying competing does this to everyone but I know that’s what it does to me. I’ve learned that I have an all or nothing type of personality which is good and bad. When I set my mind to something, I will do ANYTHING to achieve it. Which is great because that’s a big reason I’ve achieved many of my goals. But...it’s also bad because I become VERY obsessed with whatever the goal may be & forget to have some kind of balance.
This is the most balanced & happy I’ve felt in a long time & I honestly feel like I’m much more relatable now. Fitness is a huge part of my life but it no longer consumes me. Sorry for the rant but point is..I love bodybuilding but competing no longer serves a purpose in my life. I used to get goosebumps watching girls on stage and I LOVED the thought of jumping into prep but lately I’ve just found myself not even wanting to start prep. I would think about prep starting in January & I would just get sad..which is not how it should be. I found my self saying “But I need to get my pro card” A LOT. So a few days ago I took a step back and told my self, “If you’re doing this for a pro card, & you’re not doing it because it makes you happy, don’t do it at all.” .......CAPTION CONTINUED👇🏼