Kind of afraid to share this, but here we go: I've been on a sabbatical from posting yoga videos, because the truth is, at some point, they stopped feeling like yoga for me.
Over the past couple years, filming my "practice" became harder as I got busy, got distracted, and started practicing less in real life. I say "practice", because often I was filming sequences for the purpose of posting them, not actually filming my home practice (which had become dormant).
It came to a head one day earlier this year, when, feeling pressure to come up with an engaging sequence, and choosing one that was ridiculously and needlessly complex for the purpose of getting more views, I literally found myself flipping off my yoga mat, because I was frustrated that I messed up the sequence I was trying to film, for what felt like the 50th time.
Unfortunately I have this on video, and maybe one day I'll share it as a cautionary tale. Suffice to say, I've been on a yoga video break since that day, and I was determined not to make or share another video until I was actually filming my yoga practice (not "practice") again.
I even stopped referring to myself as a yogi. I felt like a fake, and I was constantly worried that my fake image would shatter, and you would all find I wasn't practicing yoga as deeply as I sometimes made it seem.
Well, now I guess I've shattered that image myself, and it actually feels pretty great. There's a freedom in saying "fuck it" and sharing the things you feel most ashamed of.
For a while, I didn't know how to start being real again, because when your entire life has become filtered and curated, it's hard to peel those layers back...and it's scary to admit it when you haven't been being your most authentic self.
So I'll just start here, with this caption, a return to my home practice, and a return to the videos that built this page.
I feel peace and playfulness in my practice again, and in admitting all of this right here right now, in sharing my shame with you, I'm already starting to feel a lot more like a yogi again. 💗