gordo_gustavos gordo_gustavos

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Gordo Gustavos Food Truck  Farmers markets, caterings and pop-ups! Smoke n Sweat! 🍖 Its shit people like 🥓For catering events call: (831)420-7396 email: admin@gordogustavos.com

How to break Instagram 101:
Step1- Proceed by really working on your “bod” for most of your life as a fat kid- a mostly starch based diet is highly recommended and don’t forget the sugar!
Step2- grow your hair for as long as you possibly can- and when people ask when you’re going to cut it? Say, “you’ll see”
Step3- start a small business and build a solid clientele of internet followers that either like food or what you have to say even though both are pretty much, both purely bullshit
Step4- anytime it’s your birthday, post a naked picture of yourself proclaiming “don’t come find me while camping away from all human life unless you want to be put into immediate danger via asphyxiation” (unless that’s your thing 😉 call me)
And these my loyal followers is how you birthday- we’re gone for a few and then back and then gone again-
The crew that makes the ship stay afloat shall be Captain’n on without the old salty dog-
Wednesday 1-6 across from @lupulosc
Saturday 9-1 WS market
Sunday 9-1 Live Oak
Come out, try it out and get fired up
#doesthisfernetmakemydicklooksmall
#ascomfortablenakedonaBBQasasailoroutatsea #myveganproclothingfollowersarentgoingtolikethis #andoldWilmastuckaroundforthephotoshootaswell #28andfeelinglikeimstartingtodissipate

In lighter news, only four people were killed this year at the annual, Stomp-out-Grandpa4pork-festival- we’re not proud, but we are pleased with this years turnout- but start gearing up for next year- get your cleats on and meet us at the pork arena this weekend:
WS market 9-1
Live Oak Market 9-1
#wherethesinglegrandmasat #shinguardsarerecommended #lifeissillysoImakeupstories #whygrindouthungerwhenyoucanstompoutoverpopulation #hashtagging101forsmallbusinessgrowth

We may not know how to cook things properly but we definitely know how to steal designs from friends to make things look nice *cough cough @el_salchichero_butcher_shop although Chris and myself are completely incapable of dressing ourselves to look decent in society, we are capable of paying people to make nice hats to cover our gray hairs-
Few different designs on the way, not making that many, they’re ready when they’re ready, no bitching-
@steelbonnetbrewing tonight 4ish to later #wepayareliandnotChina #stillrequiressmallchildlikehandstogetitjustrightthough #theyreforhidinggrayhairbaldspotsandsadness #alsodoublesasaformofincomeforthebusiness

It’s that time of year again-
The fog doesn’t burn off until noon-
There’s smoke in the air because California is forever on fire-
And the whole crew is burnt out like a bunch of deadheads-
So it must be August and we must be catering overtime like a makeshift chow hall-
Events for the public this week:
Today 1-6 across from @lupulosc
Friday 4ish-vague ish @steelbonnetbrewing
Saturday 9-1 WS market
Sunday 9-1 Live Oak Market
#caseyjoneslovesbeefbones #sugarmagnoliabrisketsblooming #fireonthesmoker #seewhatssmokingonshakedownstreet #remakingtheacidtest #theanswerisinthebrisket

The smiles hide their pain- everyday they’re crying on the inside- there is no escape- the darkness follows them even when they’re in the light- they don’t know love, all they know is hate and pain- they work to escape their reality which bludgeons them with sorrow day in and day out- they cook things they don’t like for people they don’t know for money that pays for things they don’t need-
Sorry blacked out for a minute-
Come by the Saturday morning farmers market 9-1 and come say hello to your friends that love you 😘
#zoloftmakesthemeatsoft
#prozacmakesmeshowmycrack #xanaxmakesmybrainrelax #gottacaravanfilledwithativan
#valiumsoothesthecranium
#saraquilmakesmechill
Consuming Gordo Gustavo’s may have the following side effects: -Hypoglycemia -High sodium
-Nausea -Indigestion
-Rash
-Sweating
-Weight gain
-Sexual dysfunction
-Sedation -Hair loss
-Gas with oily spotting
-Insomnia
-Anxiety
-Depression
-An unusual urge to gamble or increased sexual behaviors
-Irrational thoughts
-Tummy ache

Yet another Wednesday that we’ve been blessed with to be allowed back down at the farmers market downtown- even through all of our garbage posts and shit talking, they still haven’t kicked us out- so we’ve decided to kick it into high gear- via torturing JP- the boy hates brownies- every time an order comes in today we’re going to continue Gordo’s version of waterboarding- the hippys will see the boy in distress and should be reporting us to market manager enough that hopefully in no time we shall be no more- it seems foolproof and worse comes to worst at least I can hopefully get JP chubbier than me- seems like a foolproof plan- selling stuff 1-6 today across from @lupulosc - try it out
#moreshitpostsfromyourfavoriteshitbusiness #couldntbemoretired #goingtoinstallabedonthefoodtruck

This weeks special will consist of Bubb’s choked chicken- he’s been working on it for years but it’s only now starting to see the light of day- he’s not too proud to share it with the public but he still feels a little of the shame- come shame us all week about our new menu items-
See you when we do
#chokenthechicken #bashinthebrisket #pullinthepork #spankinthebacon #tugginonthetritip #beatinonmyporkbellys

Sick and tired of all your clothes that don’t smell like oak smoke and aren’t covered in dog hair? Do you ever think, “boy I’d sure like to pay for a shirt of this small business and then continue to do free advertising for them by being a walking, talking sandwich sign!” Because if so, you’re in luck! Hot off the press! New Gordo’s shirts! Hats on the way! Only available at a Gordo’s truck near you!
Saturday 9-1 WS Market
Sunday 9-1 Live Oak Market
#printedintheusa #obviouslysewninchina #childlaborlawsareruiningthiscountry #putouryouthbacktoworkcampaign2018 #halfthesizehalfthewage

Another Friday- another block party- another catering- another day of struggling ourselves to the smoker in the early AM to bring you the freshest, burnt food crafted in Santa Cruz- we’ll be out @hautshopsantacruz from 5:30 on regretting that decision as soon as @venusspirits starts to create their infamous blackout wave- there’s going to be things to buy that you don’t need and better, less expensive food options- In the end, just another Friday down the drain- try it out #accordingtotheflyeronlyprettypeopleallowed #sothecrewwillbethereandiwillnot #illbeapartofthepettingzoo #onewiththepotbelliedpigs

Another week begins with yet the sure sight of some entitled vegetarians walking around a parking lot barefoot in downtown Santa Cruz- they want to ‘try’ things and see if you have any samples- they complain about the price of your product yet will gladly drop sixty bucks on these tie dyed pants that look as if they’ve filled their diapers- they carry an odor that is unbelievable to say the least- they don’t believe in rent ‘man’ and their 96’ Astro Van is their home on the road (although it parks outside of the same gym every night)
If you’re excited like we are for yet another beautiful Wednesday at the downtown farmers market across from @lupulosc come on down! I’m even considering starting a safari like tour for picture taking opportunities of these majestic creatures in the wild
Wednesday 1-6 downtown- it smells funny-
#dontknowifishouldblamecrosby,stills,nashoryoung #barefootparkinglottrolls #yeathatshowsoffhowspiritualyouare #andhowignorantyouareofHepA #thislifeisprettygoddamnsilly

To hang with the best you must slang like the rest-
We don’t give a shit if the main crew ain’t available- our cleanup hitters nailed grand slams all weekend-
Don’t ask why we’re just now finishing up our Sunday market and continuing to work the night away for that is none of your business-
See y’all later this week if you want #findusontinderforagoodtime #findusontinderforcateringyourlocalorgy #gladtoknowmyfamilyisproud #andalltheancestorialjudgementfromabove

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