freeing.faye freeing.faye

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  20, Devonshire lass 🇬🇧 Mental health person. Functional crazy. Pole @hobbithollie Illustration @holliethehobbit

I pick and pull myself apart. I constantly hate on myself in the silent moments. I tell myself I'm weak and unworthy. That everything is my fault and that I never deserve to be happy. That I'm a wasting the chance at life I have.
The second I throw myself at a pole? Silence. Absolute fucking silence. It's not about my body. It's not about my mind. Food suddenly just becomes something to use so I can get on a pole. It's about focusing on something I love. It's me using my brain and body positively in order to achieve something. Granted that something is usually the back of my left knee on my right shoulder, it's still something. Something that needs an exorcism.
So there's this beautiful silence when I'm on the pole but what about when i get off and see the pictures? How I start pulling them apart and criticising my body. How it's not perfect. How I look fat. How I look horrendous.
I deal with this now by asking myself is this constructive criticism or am I just being a dick to myself? 9/10 times I'm just being a dick to myself. The other one time? I've just forgotten to point my toes and have a nasty flexed foot going on.
Your brain can and will lie to you, it's up to you to sit down and cross question where it got the information it's screaming about.
#realrecovery #recovery #stronggirl #edfamily #edwarrior #edfighter #edfam #edcommunity #recoveryisworthit #recoverywin #eatittobeatit #ana #anarecovery #edrecovery #anorexianervosa #yoga #polefitness #fuckana #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #ukfitfam #fitfam #skinny #anawho #poledancer #polenation #anarecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery

Chocolate and berry popcorn? It's delightful. I wasn't sure what to expect but god damn @popcornshed

Confidence. I look back over the years, I see how much I've changed. Not physically but mentally. See, confidence isn't about how you physically look, it's about how you mentally feel, your goals and the respect you have for yourself. Confidence starts at the core of who you are.

It's about knowing why you stand and what you stand for. Because when you don't stand for something, you'll fall at literally anything. I spent too long being a voiceless soul letting people decide what would and wouldn't happen to me and my life. I used to sit quietly and let people mistreat me. I used to sit back and say nothing. Then I found my fuck you voice.

And once I found it, I didn't stop using it. Fuck the people that doubted me. Fuck anyone that doubts me still. Fuck the past. Fuck the girl who was controlled for years in hospitals that where like prison sentences with no release date. Fuck anyone who's done me wrong. Fuck it all.
But most importantly? Fuck mental health from ever stopping me living my life and letting me be fierce. I refuse to be weak and powerless. Suck a tit anorexia, this woman is never going to stop coming at you.
Finding your voice only reflects outwardly on your presence, reflecting your fierce as fuck nature.
How many fucks where in that? Fuck it.
#bodypositive #recovery #biglips #edfamily #edwarrior #edfighter #edfam #edcommunity #recoveryisworthit #recoverywin #eatittobeatit #ana #anarecovery #edrecovery #anorexianervosa #prorecovery #plymouth #bopo #anxiety #selflove #mentalhealth #confidence #fighting #ukblogger #talktome #ukgirl #anafighter #anarecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery

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