i used to get asked about my confidence a lot, and how i “got it” like it’s something you can buy online with a discount code (enter bULLdYkE10 for 10% off your purchase) but honestly confidence is something i started consciously faking in high school. kids, teenagers specifically, seek out those with the least confidence to terrorize, and once i noticed that, i became “the most confident woman in the world” by day and a shaky, anxious, self loathing hermit by night. it honestly helped me survive high school, this fake it ‘til you make it mentality i’ve been dedicated to ever since. confidence is only a mood, you’ll feel it sometimes and won’t feel it other times. but as a survival method, a lot of us adopted what seems like confidence in order to not be targeted or singled out as the weirdos. and sometimes i get a little jolt of “i’ve been pretending to love myself for so long, sometimes i actually believe it” and honestly sometimes lying to yourself is the best you can do. i’ve had a very shitty past few days, i’ve been incredibly hard on myself, speaking to myself in a way i would never allow myself to speak to those i love, and today i’m literally going to pretend i’m the best and see what happens. fake it ‘til you make it. will report back with results.