fightoncarryon fightoncarryon

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Alex  πŸ“ New Hampshire πŸ’ͺ🏻 Fitness & food diary 🍭 Recovering addict πŸ™†πŸΌ Reclaiming my body & mind ✨ Body Positive Fitness

Each one worthy of life, of love, of care. You do not have to earn your space. You do not have to conform to others' aesthetic expectations. You should hold yourself to your standards and hold yourself to high standards - who you are in private says a lot. I often find myself alone and reaching for food in a way that I would not if in the company of others. But, I am in my own company and that is significant. I should behave with respect for myself, as person and observer. I should live not just so others will think well of me, but so that I will think positively of myself too. Integrity. Today, this whole week, has been so bleak. I have felt particularly affected by Chester Bennington's suicide. I struggle with suicidal ideation at times and it feels like an alien inhabiting my brain - someone very distant from who I am and who I wish to be. However, this week I discovered @positively.kate and I am very grateful for her presence and raw honesty. We all have private messes and I think being an open book about self-exploration and self-acceptance is noble. People should not feel alone and that's why I am grateful for this online community of love.

Haven't posted my workouts the last 3 days! oops! day 4/15 run 2 miles 22:45 and day 5/15 22:56 - I know, I know 🐒😊 today I took a break from running and climbed 111 floors on the stair master. It took me 33:56. I was inspired by my friend @booksboozeandpassports who climbs 300 floors everyday and he's looking and feeling fantastic for it ⭐️ Exercise because you LOVE your self. Because your body is incredible in its complexity and yet here you are alive and able bodied. Appreciate that! Do not waste your body or your youth. My mom is unable to exercise right now and she messaged me to say "exercise for those of us who can't." I really appreciate that sentiment because the last few years I've had multiple stints of illness and hospitalisation, gratefully nothing serious but in those times I come to see what an enormous blessing it is to be living in a healthy, capable body. DONT LET YOUR MIND BULLY YOUR BODY! β™₯️⭐️

Today's MORNING rise and shine workout:

2 mile run (day 3/15): 22:05
4 mile bike 13:41 β˜€οΈβ˜€οΈβ˜€οΈ

Today's gym was 8mile bike. Had the absolute honour to have dinner with Cornel West this evening. His activism, faith and wisdom are moving to say the least. He said tonight that "I am the way I am because somebody loved me." He also said that we ought to feel good about our current selves and our best selves given the worst that we can be. Essentially, messages of self-love and self-acceptance. I am a child of God, and so are you. πŸ™β™₯️

Know your status #hivawareness

So I have told myself that if I run 2 miles every day for 15 days, I will treat myself to a massage πŸ‘ŒπŸ’™ today was day ✌️ and I ran my 2 miles in 20:25, compared to yesterday's 23:15 πŸ˜³πŸ˜‚ β€’β€’β€’ running is so hard sometimes but it really gives me so much joy. I feel so alive and rejuvenated and ACCOMPLISHED after running. Oooh that runner's high, ain't it a beautiful thing. And that post-run sweat... when the paper towel sticks to your sweaty forehead #sexy β€’ Today, mid-run, I was on Instagram looking for distraction from the pain and I found this moving message someone had just sent me. It really is so touching and meaningful to me when people tell me they relate. No matter WHAT you are dealing with, there are people out there JUST LIKE YOU. Just like you in your weirdness, your grossness, all those parts of ourselves which we try to smooth over and wouldn't want to be made public. With my binge eating, self-disgust is a familiar feeling #hellodarknessmyoldfriend β€’ When I am deep in the food, I lose me. I become my addiction and really don't want to live. Food is my drug of choice and viewing this struggle as addiction allows me to have more self-compassion. Anyway, I am currently in a good place with food. But it changes so fast and I can't anticipate when I will struggle. Like any addict, I feel constantly on the brink of potential relapse. Buttttt one day at a time etc etc etc. I get your pain and I get your struggle. But a burden shared is a burden halved and that's why I publicise my biggest problems, even though at times it feels indulgent. But if what I share speaks to some people, no matter how few, this account and my (over)-sharing (haha) feels purposeful. Love to all β™₯️✨β™₯️✨β™₯️

SUNDAY RUNDAY with some gorgeous views 🌲 New Hampshire is a beauty, that's for sure. I ran 2 miles and it was hard 😭 ran 1 mile walked a bit then ran another mile. I love the runner's high though and running, like all things, is a practice. I am going to be running regularly from now until the end of the year. In August I am moving to ~CUBA~ till December. There running will probably be my best and only option. You don't need a gym membership to get fit. In 2015 I was super fit while traveling through Peru. My trick was eating well (lots of seafood and veggies!) and running. I would also do floor body weight exercises. Your body is all you need. No accessories necessary. Bodies rock 🀘🏻πŸ’ͺ🏻

Creasing πŸ˜‚ I always think along these lines... can't be having babies with someone who also has food issues coz then our kiddos are f*cked 😬😹🍰πŸͺ happy saturday to you allllll... your worth is not measured by your diet! I'm fat atm and i'm not using that word as an insult to myself. My fatness is a sign of self-neglect so self-compassion is the only appropriate response. When I get caught up in my bodily appearance, I imagine myself at 70 (God willing i'll make it to such a ripe age) looking back to my current age and being sad that I would waste youth and health on self-hatred based on aesthetic self-disapproval. Celebrate the things you like about yourself today. I like that I'm sensitive ~ I don't move through the world untouched by my surroundings. To me, that is a good thing to be celebrated. πŸ’ŸπŸ™ #empath also: shoutout to @crystalcolz who retweets quality content on the reg πŸ‘Œ

Today this girl had one long binge graze...a solid 20 hours of shit eating borderline food self-harm 🍫🍰πŸ₯žπŸͺ and I feel G R O S S. But I must remind myself that i'm the same person and that prior to today I had three full weeks of normal eating which is a huge feat for me. One meal at a time. One day at a time. Rationalise the situation and start the next morning with self-compassion and enough self-trust to look after yourself in the most nourishing way. Note to self: I am no better or worse a person for today's eating.

I just ran ran ran to take a break from the cram cram cram (got a physics exam tomorrow. yay summer school 🀘🏻) and I got EATEN ALIIIIIVE. I am a tasty mosquito snack. I only managed one mile 🀣 but better than nothing πŸ’¦

a gym selfie from yours truly β€’ 4.5 miles on elliptical πŸ’¦πŸ’Ÿ

Seafood in Boston! In my opinion, eating well is a form of self-respect. It is up to you what you take "well" to mean. For me, this means eating foods which don't make me feel heavy and don't have a big affect my blood sugar levels. I find food very addictive so am wary of high sugar, salt and fatty foods (mind you this does not include natural fats such as those found in nuts or salmon). I also find wheat addictive ...carbs 😏 self-knowledge is essential when it comes to how you eat. I don't see not eating some foods as a form of self-deprivation. It is a choice I make so that I can feel like my best self, mentally and physically. Example: I eat a donut. Of course eating a donut is no big deal but for me, given my relationship and history with food, this one donut becomes a symbol of something greater... self-disgust and self-hatred become part of the mix. That paired with the inevitable sugar spike and crash and chemical brain reactions involved with eating sugar makes me very prone to binge eating. One is too many and one hundred is not enough. I know there are many people out there whose drug of choice is also food... don't feel alone πŸ™

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