father_of_daughters father_of_daughters

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Simon, also known as FOD  Father to 4 girls Husband to @mother_of_daughters O U T N U M B E R E D 👩‍👩‍👧‍👧🙇 I'm all about the captions graceoleary@independenttalent.com


If the summer holidays were a person, they'd have alot to answer for. In fact they'd have been called in for questioning & probably locked up for multiple life sentences by now as they get used a scapegoat for anything & everything by the kids. "But it's the summer holiday" is a sentence that rings around our house like an echo designed to make your brain dribble out your ears. It's responsible for: staying up way too late ✔️dinning on a sugary cereals any time between 8am & 7pm✔️ watching previously banned crap on TV ✔️having more biscuits in the house that a mcvities distribution centre ✔️getting away with behaviour that would send family phychologists into early retirement ✔️ random food items inserted into food shop with the stealth of ninja in kashmere socks ✔️ . Oh well, only 3 weeks to go. To top it all, When we got home, I locked eyes with Ottie who then immediately filled her undergarments without so much as a wince. It was then I realised I'd left 62 neatly packed unused nappies in the supermarket by the checkout. I'd forgotten them as I was being hassled for magazines and shopkins. Guess where I'm going now.....more nappies. #summerholidayshavealottoanswerfor #schoolholidays #3wkstogo #imgoingtostartsayingit #sugarhypedkids #dadlife #instadad #FatherofDaughters #fod

With @mother_of_daughters away doing something that frankly sounds alot more fun than being with us, this evening has been somewhat of a structureless affair. Rules have been binned along with the dinner I prepared & bedtime has been stretched out more than the slime Anya continually makes in hiding even though it's now band in the house. The twins obviously miss mama & as a result are now suck to me instead in some kind of weird parasitic relationship, freeing Anya & Marnie of any older sibling responsibility. This leaves me soloing the twins & the other 2 unsupervised. I can currently hear bags of crisps being opened, popcorn in the microwave & Netflix on at volume 50 downstairs through the seeming papier mache constructed ceiling but I'm powerless to stop them as I'm currently banged up in a mini alcatraz, reading 'That's not my unicorn' for the umteenth time to the illiterate inmates. Girls, we know the ending - it's the one with sparkly horn - the surprize has gone. Just let it & give up! #hostageinacot #babyreadingcorrectionalfacility #theplottwistisasparklyhorn #netflixrottingmykodsbrains #notsosecretsnacks #cantbein2placesatonce #mygirls #soloparenting #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

Twins are strange creatures. One moment they can be dragging eachother around by the hair & screaming into eachothers faces like two hard-of-hearing elderly bag women arguing of some rancid shoes from a bin, the next they are stroking their little faces while force feeding eachother dentist chair style. I can only assume that they been totally bereft of any parental supervision while I was pissing about on a bike in the German country side, and that they have taking on survival skills to ensure they make through another day of being children no. 3 & 4 in a house of unruly girls. Future 'The island' constants perhaps? That or rearing livestock. Note that Ottie didn't offer to swap positions & drank the whole thing. She makes me so proud. And yes, Delilah has got a nappy over her PJs because #yolo
#downinone #hairgoalsfortoddlers #nappyfashion #feedinglikeababycow #cantwaitforwhenthisisstrongerthanmilk #forcefeeding #fod #twins #selffeeding #diybottlefeeding #parenting #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

Reunited with my girlies today & after living and riding with 8 guys in lycra for a week, it was nice to be home. First decent cup of tea in ages. Of course my initial plan of getting home, sorting stuff out & dozing until they came back was thworted by Clemmie, who through some inbuilt 6th sense, knew I was nearly back and decided to rain on my parade by informing me the twins had shoved a load of stones into the wheels of the car for giggles & now it sounded like a dog trying to swallow a tin can. So Instead of settling in for an afternoon of game of thrones, I drove 90 minutes to Clemmie only to not be able to get the wheel off. I then drove the dodgy car home for 2 hours, alone, while they all bombed it home. Lovely warm welcome. Mind you back home I got the tightest bestest hugs, a hot tea and life was good again. #afternoonplansfeelthrough #atleastimstillneeded #homebutnotbeforedaddutiesarecompleted # #backtoreality #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

We've only bloody made it to Berlin! 501km in 5 days but it's a bitter sweet celebration. Adam had a bad accident that ended in a ambulance coming to the woods and getting taken to hospital. Marc also got hurt in the crash so he headed to Berlin with 2 bikes to get the beers cool while we powered on as a 6. We smashed off the final leg, immediately covered ourselves in muscule rub and cracked open the beers. FYI Both ok now but we've now shed real blood, sweat & tears for this ride to raise money for @cr_uk . Please do donate if you haven't already as every £ makes a difference. #germanmedicalservicesaregreat #done #legsofsteel #bringinguptherear #FatherofDaughters #instadad #fod #dadlife #instadad

Day 4: another key shot for the calendar. We seem to have covered 420km already in 4 days which is what we thought the total would be and yet we're actually still 100km short of Berlin - Great planning lads. @woodydeane AKA 'rookie' basically died as his legs gave up - perhaps it was because he drank way too much tequila last night as he's absolutely useless at drinking games. Lesson learnt. Now we're in bad belzig at a place buried in the woods & is a breeding ground for mosquitos. Wearing lycra everywhere is odd, especially when stopping for lunch, you get looks like your walking around with headless & naked, but you get used to it. Please do keep donating if you can & go follow my friends for other pictures, remember its All for @cr_uk & every little helps. #rookieisarookie #berlinidinsight #smashingmiles #fodontour #bringinguptherear #Fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

Day 3: 105km down today. After stuffing ourselves at breakfast & 'borrowing' about £40 worth of Nutella sachets from the hotel, we stupidly cycled straight through lunch. Instead we existed on hairbo & fun size snicker bars like the children we are & we took a break to go swimming in the river... again - I've seen my friends naked way too many times in 3 days - images that will scar my memory for a while to come. We also stopped at a random petting zoo were cats, chicken, pigs and goats lived in harmony. They saw us coming and charged us €40 for water & Capri suns. We're obviously British tourists to be taken advantage of. FYI I spent most of my day looking @vicenteb99 bum wiggling in his saddle - all in all, an odd day. Intro'sming tomorrow... Keep following at #bringinguptherear to see all the pics & please keep donating. #anoddday #305kmdonenosweat #burningthekilometers #caprisunandapigplease #fodontour #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

What started as a 90km day ended in 120km but we're here now in Dresden and pretty proud of ourselves. What better way to celebrate than all piling into a hotel lift & being stuck smelling eachother. I now also have a new found sympathy with women who have a year during labour - without getting graphic I'm walking gingerly thanks to my saddle that's apparently made of knives & sandpaper. We've also kept ourselves nurished by eating 40,000 flies & drinking our own salty sweat. Keep following my stories & I'll introduce you to everyone individually so you get to know them. #120kmandproud #seemsyouguyslikemyfriends #fodontour #dresdenisbeautiful #FatherofDaughters #fod #dadlife #bringinguptherear #instadad

Day 1 done! 81km covered today to get to litomerice. It included a 2 hr lunch, 1 impromptu swim in the river, a small accident when Vinnie tried to grab my bum, 20 stops to check maps (which wasn't annoying at all), 1 puncture, 2 disagreements, 1 near miss with a 3 year old a on tricycle. Getting 8 guys out of hotel on time and getting to our destination is similar in complexity to getting kids out the front door in the morning, but we got there. Fyi my leg waxing has definitely shaved seconds off, thinking about making it permanent. My instastories are broken for some reason but please do keep donating and follow along at #bringinguptherear #slowestpizzaever #smoothlegsandlovingit #fodontour #fitterthanithought #fod #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Made it to Prague with the guys & did the obligatory check in at base camp to make sure @mother_of_daughters is handling things and not ripping clumps out of her fine head of hair. Also took in the culture before celebratory beers. Seems my legs maybe retaining some of the wax so I'm like walking fly paper at the moment. The hotel was thrilled when we walked in with 8 bikes as you can imagine, theb we mentioned we doing a ride for @cr_uk & suddenly they couldn't do enough. The cycling starts tomorrow so please do follow along in instastories & at #bringinguptherear . Also donate using the link in my bio. Bring on 85km tomorrow. #fodontour #praguetoberlin #mylegsaresmootherthansilk #alsostickierthanhoney #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad #Fod

Watching these 2 try & hold hands this morning has been hilarious. It's like all those awkward hand shakes you see on the news between politicians (usually involving Trump). No one seems to know what to do - they shake the same hands, opposite hands, pull each others hair, discuss who's leading, argue over who wanted to hold hands in the first place & drag each other around from pillar to post to look at some spilt yoghurt on the floor, laugh uncontrollably & the move on to the next random thing to chuckle at (their sense of humour is just too abstract for me to get I guess). It's a shame our time here at @martinhal is up, it's genuinely felt like we've all had a break & not just done the same stuff as we do at home, just in an oven. Right got pack and get ready for the @destinologyholidays transfer back to grey middle earth we call home. #FatherofDaughters #fod #hoopersontour #fod #dadlife #martinhal #destinology #luxuryholidays @destinologyholidays #familyholidays #californiaofeurope #portugal #sagres #algarve #instadad

With Anya wanting to kill time before doing a horse trek this afternoon (I'm genuinely jealous of the kids activities here @martinhal), I suggested some good old fashioned fun in the form of flying a kite. The suggestion of doing something that doesn't involve WiFi was met with rolled eyes (which I hate) but I insisted it would be fun. Within minutes the kite was up & Anya was actually nervously enjoying herself. That was until the kite got caught in a death spiral & hit the ground at Mach 2. Suddenly undoing multiple knots that sailors would struggle with, reeling the lines back in & piecing the kite back together didn't seem so appealing. I noticed the line went slack and the kite was off down the beach. Of course Anya had seen a couple of friend she's made & ditched me without a single goodbye. I guess flying a kite with your old man isn't all that cool anymore, especially when you have new international friends to impress. 😥😭 FYI watch out for instastories coming up - I'm finally going to use them, only for the next week though..... #brokenheartbrokenkite #istillhadfun #myarmlooksbrokenhere #dumpedfornewfriends #FatherofDaughters #fod #hoopersontour #fod #dadlife #martinhal #destinology #luxuryholidays @destinologyholidays #familyholidays #portugal #sagres #algarve #instadad

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