Mum wrote this letter and hid it in my bag 10 months ago, I just found it the day I was flying back to Australia to start the donor process. Perfect timing to be found...... Last Wednesday I received an email confirming I was a viable match to be a stem cell donor for my mum.
She has cancer, a rare T-cell leukaemia to be exact and needs this transplant to have a chance of recovery. This cancer hasn't just spread in her, it's spread into my family.
I'm sad a lot, mum has been sick for a while. I try to always keep busy so I don't have to think about it and so people don't know how really 'not ok' I'm doing. I hate the thought of burdening anyone or talking to people about it but know how lucky I am to have people support me despite that. I cry a lot, I never use to, sometimes it seems like the smallest thing can just bring on the tears. I feel guilty for living overseas, for not being there for my family. I've become highly antisocial and get anxiety if I have to be around people. I worry and am scared for my dad who is the rock. He looks after mum, my sister and me. He listens and tries to calm me when I'm not ok, but who's looking after him?
I'm scared, for mum and what could happen, for my sister, for myself that maybe I'm not strong enough for them. I'm scared about the transplant. I've been told not to feel pressured but I do. Of course I do, how could I not? Essentially if this doesn't work, which it may not, she won't get better. On Friday I start my part of the process, which is easy in comparison to what mums about to go through.
I can't exactly explain how it feels to do this, I feel relieved it's me, that I'm able to do this for mum. I feel thankful she has this chance as many people don't and the latter is unimaginable for me. I hope that maybe I can help make her better, make my families life better again, make my mum not terrified all the time, make my dad not have to watch the woman he's loved for the last 40 years go through this, make my sister ok, maybe I won't be sad all the time anymore. Fingers and toes crossed for success🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 .
For donor information http://www.abmdr.org.au/