emilypjackman emilypjackman

204 posts   383 followers   1,250 followings

Emily Jackman  Melbourne • Australia ~ Armed I am with love. Disarmed I am. •

“When will my husband return from war?” (losing his balls on the golf course) #andlosinghisballsbeingwithme #no #ohokay #heteronormativejokes #hardyhaaarr

THE GOODEST EGG OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO YOU AND FOR EVERY YEAR AFTER THAT UNTIL YOU SNORE AT NIGHT AGAIN THEN THE AWARD IS PUT ON HOLD INDEFINITELY AND SO IS MY PATIENCE 🗣🗣🗣#thebeachglenreallywantsisincanada #itsfine #itstotallyfine

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If I could clone the kind of man that you are and hand one of you out to all of my friends or strangers who need to know what it feels like to be loved limitlessly and in the most disgustingly freeing and empowering way, I would #lemonsoda

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Don’t speak to me unless your dress has sausage dogs on it? #thatincludesyounondresswearers

These spectacles are pinching my already blocked nose so bad it’s snot funny. #sorryforthatsmellingerror #pleaseacseptummyapology #phlegmbrulee #endmylife

Personal space? Not familiar with that concept

🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖 #imback

*Sonny Blake voice* “Apple” 🍏

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