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elliemaysrecovery elliemaysrecovery

93 posts   7,341 followers   546 followings

❥Ellie May  documenting my recovery through photos🍰 aiming for a happy & healthy life✨

breakfast ft my pregnant cat🐱 I am sorry for not posting in so long, I actually have a lot to update on so beware this may be rambley. Also tw just incase!! So there has been a loooooooot of talk about hospital for a little while, this past week especially. It’s all been very sudden and i’ve not coped well with hearing it at all. There is a plan in place for me to go to inpatient very soon. I don’t know how things have gotten so bad so quickly but all of my parameters are in the red category, which they’re worried about but I literally feel fine😕 I have been refusing to be weighed for just over a month & the Doctor who is “in charge” of like all the legal stuff of being hospitalised & what not was basically shocked that I had been refusing & no one knew my weight. I am being taken into the health centre next week for them to weigh me & I know the outcome isn’t gonna be great. Everyone has been saying that i’ve obviously lost a considerable amount & it’s all “very serious” right now but I don’t see it at all. My thoughts are sooo jumbled & I guess I just feel numb really. The reason everything is being done next week instead of now is because i’m going away today with my family to my uncle’s wedding which has been planned for months & I literally begged & to be allowed to go because all my family who I haven’t seen in so so long because they live far away (including my pregnant sister) are gonna be there & the thought of not getting to see them was unbearable☹️ So i’m just gonna try & look forward to seeing everyone & not think about hospital until i’m back (even tho I know it’s gonna be rushing round my mind 24/7) I really hope you’re all doing well & Im so great full for the support i’ve been getting😭 It floors me how kind some of you are & none of you deserve this awful illness. Keep fighting. 🧡

Hello loves💕 It feels weird posting at night because I almost always post in the morning!☀️ Anyway, things have been very very tough these past few days and my family had a meeting without me at camhs last night and it’s all a bit overwhelming for me right now☹️ Lots of things were said and we all cried when they got home and told me the outcome. I’ll update you all on what’s happening when I find out exactly but it’s not great, and i’m finding it hard to think about it all at the moment.😕 I am really sorry if I haven’t answered your dms yet, but my head feels so full right now with so many things and I want to be able to reply to you all well, and actually make sense. I’m so grateful for the support i’ve been getting recently so thank you so incredibly much to the people who have been there for me.💛

Morning everyone! Happy Wednesday🌞 Wednesdays are like the only days I don’t have appointments so finding things to fill my day can sometimes be difficult. Today though, i’m going over to my nanny’s house and she’s gonna teach me to knit! My oldest sister is pregnant (which is so exciting) so we are gonna knit a cardigan for the baby!👶🏻 Then me & mum are taking my kitty to the vet because she’s pregnant too!😸 Things are still the same with me, still struggling, still plodding on though. I had a blood test yesterday and as usual they couldn’t get any blood, so i’m off to a&e again tomorrow & they’re gonna use baby needles this time, because they can’t even get it with the butterfly needles🙃 Hopefully they finally manage to get some because i’m fed up of being a pin cushion. Also, thank you all so much for the support on my last post, I know it can be triggering when people are struggling but you guys still stick by me and i’m so grateful.💛

Hello👋🏻 So I don’t have any photos of food & my eating is quite repetitive atm but I wanted to update anyway because I don’t like not being active on this account! (possible tw) My mum went to the meeting with camhs & the video link to dundee hospital & things aren’t looking good): My obs are in the “red zone” right now which they are concerned about, but I can’t change what i’m doing, any sort of change of routine would make me flip out & I just can’t deal with the guilt it would bring.): I still haven’t been weighed because i’ve been refusing & I have been more controlling than ever food wise. Even the thought of eating something I haven’t made/ haven’t eaten for a while/ do not know the exact nutritional value of scares me a lot.☹️ Things are just hard atm. On a rllyyyyyy positive note tho, we are like 99.9% sure my lil kitty is pregnant!!! We are taking her to the vets on Wednesday to make sure everything is okay & to see how far along she may be, but my mum thinks she will probably give birth by the end of this month so hopefully looking after some little baby kitties will be a lovely distraction from my messed up mind. 🐱

good morning🌧 breakfast was 28g rice krispies + 40g candy floss grapes🍇 + 100ml unsweetened almond milk🥛 It is absolutely freeeeeezing this morning hence my fluffy, cosy jumper. Anyway, gonna pop a little TW here just incase you could be triggered by what i’m about to write!! If any of you saw my story before I deleted it, you will know that my parents decided to hide the food scales from me. I am currently weighing out everything that I eat to the exact gram and it is pretty obsessive. I had a full on breakdown and feel pretty awful about it now because rationally I know that they’re only trying to help. After talking to them though, they’ve agreed to give them back because I refused to eat unless I had them.☹️ I’m even weighing out pre- packaged foods just because I don’t trust or believe the calories in anything at the moment and I feel like everything is lying to me. This illness is so hard to make sense of, and it is so tiring to live with these constant thoughts, constant numbers rushing round your head every second of the day. I haven’t been weighed by services in almost 2 months because i’ve been refusing but they’re putting in an urgent referral to the health centre to organise weekly weigh ins there. I’m having a meeting with camhs where we are going to video link to the inpatient unit in Dundee that I was at last year. I literally cannot go back there it is so far away from my family, but since I live in Shetland there is no closer units ): I just feel a bit stuck at the moment and everything is hard, I feel like i’m putting so much stress on my family and they all want me to be sent to hospital so they don’t have to deal with me anymore.): Idk what’s going to happen but things aren’t good and haven’t been good for a long time. ☹️

good morning everyone!💜 I am on the boat right now (this photo was taken yesterday) and have just arrived in aberdeen, cause mum has treated me to a weekend away!😇 We’re just having a girly shopping weekend but i’m pretty glad to get a bit of a break, home is getting very stressful): When she first told me we were going away, I burst out crying because I couldn’t face any new or different food (i’ve been eating the same food for weeks) but after a lot of planning & looking up all the calories for everything & planning exactly what i’ll eat, I decided to go. It feels awful that I can’t just be excited about doing new things without feeling extremely anxious over the food.☹️ I had camhs before I got on the boat so they could check my obs (b/p, pulse, temperature) & everything was “dangerously low” & the lowest its ever been. Camhs have been sending my obs to the inpatient unit I went to last year, & my worker told me yesterday that we are going to have to think about hospital again when I next see her. She has been mentioning this for weeks but there is literally no way i’m going back, because i’m completely fine.): #anorexiarecovery

Happy valentine’s day everyone💛 It’s also my big cat, Sandy’s birthday😸 She’s 14 years today so she’s getting old which makes me so sad because she’s my baby and we’ve grown up together and I may sound crazy but we’ve honestly formed the best bond, she’s like my little sidekick/ my best friend. She’s always there to give me cuddles through the hard times and I of course repay her in copious amounts of dreamies and prawns 🍤 (her faves). I am still struggling a lot and sometimes feel as though no one really cares? Like I’m constantly messaging people (not through instagram, I get so much support through instagram and I am so so great full for everyone i’ve spoken to. I mean like real life friends) asking how they are and what they’ve been up to but i’m always the one to start the conversation and I never seem to get asked how i’m doing☹️ I guess because i’m quite open on this account, people already know so just don’t bother asking! Hope you’re all doing well & incase no one has told you today, you are so loved and needed on this earth. 🧡 #anorexiarecovery

Who would eat a smoothie bowl for breakfast when it’s 1 degree & snowing?!❄️ Am I now freezing, yes. Do I regret it? Nope. #anorexiarecovery

Hello everyone🌟 Thought i’d do a little update because i’ve really not been on this account much at all! I’m not sure how positive this will be so gonna pop a TW here just in case!💛 If you don’t already know, my phone broke hence my absence. I’ve had lots of dms of concern which I appreciate so much! I now have my phone back, minus all my photos so I don’t have any photos of food, so this photo will have to do! This was taken a couple of nights ago at a party I went to with some of my best friends & I had an amazing time but I just felt so unwell & cold the whole night☹️ I haven’t been doing the best. Eating wise, things are probably more difficult than ever & im really struggling with numbers, it’s like 24/7 my brain is just consumed with numbers rushing round & I don’t even feel like i’m eating food when I eat, it’s literally just calories & it’s making it so hard. My obs have been the worst they’ve ever been, everything is very low & they’ve been struggling so much to get blood out of me & my veins just collapse every time. I fainted at the doctors 5 days ago because of my low blood pressure & it was really scary & I just felt awful😞they finally managed today to get bloods though after multiple attempts and tears because the doctor who first tried was awful & put the needle so close to my bone & my arm just bled so much after but she didn’t even get any blood😥On a more positive note though, I have challenged my anxiety so much & have been to a couple of social groups for people who are out of school (for ill health or other reasons) & they’ve been really good so far! I have managed to catch up on quite a bit of school work & im really trying so hard with it! I’m sitting one of my exams very soon because the lady who’s teaching me twice a week, thinks i’m already ready to sit it! I’m pretty nervous but i’m just gonna try my very best😌 So all in all, things are up & down at the moment but i’m still plodding on & I will be on this account a lot more regularly now my phone is fixed! It was really good to get a break from this account though because I was getting quite attached. I hope you all are well💕💕💕 #anorexiarecovery

Hello everyone💛 so recently, I've had a few messages from girls that I know (obviously not going to name names for privacy reasons) telling me that they've started to not eat, and have been showing signs of developing an eating disorder. This broke my heart and I can't begin to tell you how awful it made me feel. I told them some things that I haven't told anyone about what this awful illness has done to me, like losing over half of my hair, growing hair all over the rest of my body because it is too cold and can't generate enough heat because of lack of body fat and nutrients. I told them about how I collapse and have no energy. I told them about how it's ripped my relationships with my friends and family apart. I told them all of this in hopes that it would make them see that they need to stop what they're doing and get help before it's too late. These are the things that I wished someone had said to me before it was too late. To anyone reading this who is suffering with an eating disorder (if you feel comfortable) PLEASE write in the comments something that you wish someone had said to you before things got out of hand, in hopes that the two girls who messaged me (or anyone else who is showing early signs of an ed) can read this and see how life destroying eating disorders are. In hopes that they will read this and realise that they can't waste the only life that they've got. In hopes that they'll read this and get help before it's too late.

Long time no post!!!😥 As some of you may know, my phone is totally broken so I had to take this & upload it from my mums iPad!😅 I thought I'd do a little update since I've been a bit absent lately! Things are going kind of well, I'm seeing Camhs everyday which makes me feel like I'm just taking up people's time because she told me that no one gets seen as much as I do! My mum had a meeting with them last night which my dad was meant to go to also but when they got there he got out of the car and walked home): he's finding it really hard to cope with me at the moment and it's making everything much harder. As far as the meal plan is going, I'm still on the first meal plan (1600) and slowly working up to 2500+ I've stuck to it for the most part this week but missed a couple snacks here & there. TW I had weigh in today and lost 600g so I know I need to increase but I'm honestly not comfortable doing that at the moment, I already feel like I'm eating too much🙄 On a more positive note, I have been having private schooling 2x a week and have got lots of work to do at home so I am managing to catch up on quite a bit which I am so happy about! All in all, things are going okay and I'm still fighting but just struggling a lot. 💫 #anorexiarecovery

Breakfast was 2 choco weetabix drowned in a mountain of strawberries (almost a whole punnet lol) + unsweetened almond milk😋 I forgot my love for strawberries until last night when I had strawbs + cheerios for night snack🍓 This was followed very shortly after i'd finished it by morning snack because I woke up really late today but I still gotta get those cals in and hit my goal!! No skimping here x x x #anorexiarecovery

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