elliemaysrecovery elliemaysrecovery

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❥Ellie May  documenting my recovery through photos🌟 aiming for a happy & healthy life✨ currently inpatient🌦

1000000 apologies for not posting!!! To cut a long story short, I didn’t have my phone for a month, so I’ve been unable to post/ talk to anyone.☹️ I’m back now & this past month has been HECTIC! So many ups & downs!! Last night I was able to sleep in my bed for the first time in 7 months, with support from staff (around trauma) and have been managing my meal plan, though still on an NG plan.🙄 I’ve started doing snacks with mumma🐻 & i’m working SO hard towards getting a pass home for Christmas/ New year & hopefully getting discharged soon after! I really hope everyone is doing okay! My sister & mum are coming up soon & my sister has just passed her driving test, so I can’t wait to go out with her & have a little freedom.. things really do start to look up when you’ve hit rock bottom.. you just have to keep going.✨💛 #anorexiarecovery

not an update or anything & I know people have been saying i’ve made no progress, even though I’ve been here 6 months (and I actually have made progress.) Just wanted to share a lil inspo pic!!✨ First photo was 2/3 weeks before I got sent inpatient, 2nd photo was yesterday. My hair used to be my biggest insecurity because of anorexia. It was paper thin, dead, and falling out in clumps. Now, 6 months down the line, it is full of life, full of nourishment & longer than it’s been able to grow in years. This just shows what proper nutrition can do!!!! You gain so much more than just “weight” when you’re in recovery.💇🏻‍♀️✨ #anorexiarecovery

Hi all💛 Long time no post!! Just a quick update! (TW just incase!!) Things aren’t the best, I think my heads getting better with thoughts around food, but has began to become very clogged up with trauma instead): I’ve been thinking a lot about people from home & have been talking to them more, which has given me reassurance that they’ve not all completely forgotten me. It’s been 6 months now which means my CTO is coming to an end. I have my CPA meeting which will decide if I am going to be put on another 6 months detention & I can already see it coming because things haven’t really improved much at all, which kinda sucks☹️ Hopefully things get brighter soon🌟 But for now I just gotta keep on going I guess.✌🏻 Hope every one of you is well & sorry that I’ve been so inactive on this account!💛

Ive not updated in a while cause things haven’t been the greatest🙃 but I was getting messages asking for an update so here it goes! 😬 ‼️TW just in case‼️My very favourite staff member had to move jobs due to his illness & it hit me HARD. I was so extremely upset & he was crying to because the bond we had was honestly like family. He knew me inside out & always knew what was going on in my head. We have the EXACT same sense of humour & always use it to get us through the day . After he gave me a massive hug & left, I was so distraught because I felt like I could never let anyone in again because they’ll just leave me. I got myself very worked up & noticed that the door to get out wasn’t shut properly. I ran out & down the stairs & the alarms got pulled, there was 2 staff chasing after me & I was in my bare feet & pjs! I hid up a muddy hill covered with trees & saw them running past. I was out for an hour before the police found me & brought me back. When I got back I was so upset & one of the charge nurses decided that I had to move rooms so I was right next to the office.🙄 I’ve also got my time out taken away & instead of having 2 hours in my room & now only have 10 minutes & staff have to be with me.🤦🏼‍♀️ I hate that i’ve gone backwards but I need to remember that recovery is a rollercoaster, there will be ups & downs but eventually it will end! 🌟 Hope you’re all okay & sorry if i’ve not answered many messages, my mind has been very occupied & I also got told that i’m diagnosed with 2 other mental illnesses as well as anorexia which they only told me a few days ago🙃

A professional makeup artist came into the unit yesterday & i was the “model” she used to teach makeup for an hour! It was a really good distraction & it made me remember how much I love makeup. I hadn’t worn it in 5 months until yesterday & it made me feel so good having it on so i am going to try & do it more often! Sorry that i’ve not been too active, i’ve been struggling a fair bit & had to have my PRN a few times this week. Positive news; I am now an auntie! My oldest sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl.💕 Recently things haven’t been the best & ive been getting extremely frustrated which resulted in punching stuff.. a lot🤦🏼‍♀️ & i possibly have a broken hand😑 Hoping things start to look up, wishing everyone well.✨🌸 #anorexiarecovery

(Pls excuse how much of a mess I look) Mum was here last week & visited me with her friend & her friends dogs! They were so lovely & I took them into the courtyard & got to play with them & give them cuddles! My mum is gone now but mum’s friend is going to visit me again today with the doggies!🐶 TW!!! I’ve been struggling quite a lot recently with new habits that i’ve picked up☹️ I now can’t go a day without doing the habits & I feel really stuck in a routine I can’t break😓 I have lost quite a bit of weight these past few weeks & have gotten my time out taken off me🙄 I’m so annoyed cause I genuinely am trying but the voices are just too loud to fight against right now.🤦🏼‍♀️TW OVER!!! My Key worker has changed to my favourite nurse because he helps me SO much more than my old key worker did & I get on so well with him. We have a very similar sense of humour & he gets me through my meals/ support time by joking around with me & being sarcastic & cheeky.. exactly like me! Hoping things start to look up & I hope you’re all doing well.🌸 #anorexiarecovery

I got my industrial pierced on Monday! I did this to symbolise bravery & I am absolutely in love with it!💛 My mum is still in Dundee but is flying back home on Sunday. Things are quite hard at the moment & I have fallen into unhelpful habits & routines): I cant believe i’ve been here for 4 months now. I keep getting crazy vivid dreams, apparently it’s a side effect of sertraline which would make sense because it got increased to a higher dose a few days ago. Hope you’re all doing well.🌸 #anorexiarecovery

I GOT MY FIRST OVERNIGHT TO THE FAMILY FLAT!!!🎉 After supper last night I got to go down to the family flat with mum to sleep over! I had to come back up for 8am (breakfast) but I had a lovely time with her whilst I was there!🌟 We did facemasks & watched love island & pitch perfect 3 & played a few games!💛 I can’t even tell you how nice it felt to do normal things & im so grateful to have my amazing mum!💕It is the first time in 4 months that I haven’t slept in my room in the unit!💓 #anorexiarecovery

Just popping in to post a short update! I’m gonna try & post more frequently but shorter updates because going into detail about things isn’t beneficial for anyone!🌟I have had a really tough month & my T3 has been changed so many times! I was taken off the NG for a little while but due to things deteriorating, I was put back on & have been NG fed this whole week but tonight I managed to eat & drink orally meaning that I didn’t get NG’d at tea! I am trying to look at the positives even though they seem rare.☹️ Mum is up & I might be getting an overnight to the family flat which will be my first pass to the flat since i’ve been here🤩(4 months). Overall things have been hard but i’m hanging on because this pain won’t last forever & it will be worth fighting it in the end.💛 #anorexiarecovery

🐱Hello! Long time no post, sorry about that! My days are so constructed that I never really find separate time to post on instagram so I am really sorry.💛 I have been really struggling quite a bit recently with food & other destructive coping techniques sneaking back in.): The staff have noticed how much i’ve been struggling & have started putting in a separate hour in the day (outside of meal times) where they spend time with me doing something I like which is really kind of them but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I don’t want to trigger anyone as that’s not fair at all so i’m not going to go into detail about it! I started sertraline a few weeks ago for my mood but i’ve not noticed any difference other than some pretty shitty side effects☹️ Hopefully it will start to work soon & make me feel a little better. After my team meeting on Wednesday, I now get my room unlocked for 2 hours during the day🤩 It is so much better than having it locked through the entire day until after supper! My mum & dad were up last week & took me to the cats protection 3 days in a row since I have a couple hours time out as long as it’s a seated activity! My mum & sister are coming to visit tomorrow night & it’s nearly been 2 months since I saw my sister so i’m so excited to give her a massive hug!☺️ That’s really all i’ve got to update on for now! Again, i’m really sorry for not being active on here, hopefully i’ll be able to start posting some more soon! Hope you’re all doing well.🌟

Things have been extremely tough recently, sorry I haven’t been very active but i’ve been struggling a lot. I had to get tubed again 2 nights ago even though I was working so hard to manage my meals so I would never get tubed again. I don’t want to get into what happened but it was the most awful night of my life & I was in a restraint for over 30 minutes & was still in distress 4 hours after so I had to have medication to help & a member of staff staying with me whilst I slept. Mum & dad came up from Shetland last night & visited me today, which has helped so so much. Today we went for a drive because they hired a car & I now have some time out of the unit as long as it’s doing something seated (like watching a movie or going for a drive). Me & mum did also sneak into primark so I could get a couple of tops & pjs because theres no better clothes/ pjs to live in whilst you’re inpatient. Overall, I had been doing well until my set back but i’m going to work as hard as I can to get back on track. It’s so hard being away from home & it feels like i’ve been here forever (nearly 10 weeks now) & I still have such a long way to go before I can go home😓 Hope everyone’s doing well🌼 #anorexiarecovery

It’s a bit crazy how fast things can change in here. I can go from feeling so positive & motivated to feeling like all I want to do is give up, in a matter of seconds. These past few days i’ve been struggling a lot but put on a brave face & get on with it. I find it so difficult to admit how I am really feeling & that results in it building up & getting too much. This photo was taken yesterday, it captured a real genuine smile, which is something I have not experienced in so long. I was allowed outside in the sun & it completely cheered me up, but at night I crashed again. My mood is changing so much & so quickly which is something that I feel like people don’t speak about enough in recovery. Extreme highs & lows are a very normal thing when you are recovering from a mental illness. You are experiencing things that you have tried to shut out for so long, so of course it will effect your mood! It feels like the worst thing in the world going from feeling like you’re able to conquer anything, to feeling like you don’t want to go on, but it will pass. Eventually these emotions will normalise, just like everything else. It just takes time & a hell lot of effort. You have to put everything into recovery every day & it’s so draining but it will be so worth it in the end.💛 #anorexiarecovery

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