Every now and then, I ask myself: is Uncle Kracker alive? I know I could Google him, but "Uncle Kracker" - conceptually speaking - feels more like an apparition at this point. And also, maybe I'm thinking too radically or judgmentally, but I'm guessing his tweets would be about how Tr*mp is, like, "kicking 'em where it hurts" or something that Kid Rock (his co-hort) scribbled onto the wall of the Lincoln bedroom? And I don't need more of those in my life. The news is devastating enough as it is without Uncle Kracker piping in.
Look, it's not fair for me to assign or project my own values onto Uncle Kracker, but there's also a part of me that hopes, wherever he is, that Uncle Kracker signed up for Ancestry.com to discovery that he's part Asian, and that he's joyriding on a journey of self-discovery that will, subsequently, explain his initial desire for facial hair that serves you "hillbilly Fu Manchu realness." But most importantly, the question that will continue to puzzle us all for as long as we dare to dream: is Uncle Kracker also Bubba Sparxxx? (And, also, why did I think you were hot when I was in high school? 😱)