When I moved in New Jersey things weren’t easy. With barely enough money to survive, I continued to teach in New York, commuting for over 4 hours each day during one of the most brutal winter I can remember without a coat, which I had left with my ex, along with most of my other possessions. Despite knowing he was an abusive partner, i just wanted to make things work with him, I wanted to go back and fix him, and fix us. Despite the abuse, it was so hard to stay away from him.
On one day back in New York and in the middle of my teaching schedule, I suffered a serious panic attack, with no family in the US and nobody else to turn to, I called him. I believed that after spending 5 years together he would care, recognize my extreme fragility and take care of me. So I put my trust in him once again. But rather than giving me the care that I sought, he used my fragility as an opportunity to humiliate and shame me. I will never forget that night and how truly content he was to see me so broken, and how he took advantage of that. At a time when I most needed love, he made the conscious choice to abuse me once again.
I dragged myself out of bed the next morning and left for New Jersey for the final time, knowing in my heart that this time there was no going back. I started to concentrate more on my own yoga practice, taking a different approach to the activity which I had always seen as inherently physical. I started to be less pushy with myself when I was practicing, and I realized that when I really listened to my body, I could use its movement to tap into my emotions. Through compassion, self love and the movements of my body I realized how resilient, flexible, strong and beautiful I really am and my whole life changed.
Nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself.
So believe in your self.
📸 by @aaronsantoro 👙by @werkshop